Telling people you are in recovery
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: US
Posts: 34
Telling people you are in recovery
I am curious how people who were first starting out broke the news to people that you are giving up drinking...particularly codependent drinkers who you can't avoid.
I have a lot of family and social circles, where even though they know that my drinking is a problem for me, and probably even worry about my behavior on some level, still encourage me to drink.
Beyond that is peer pressure. What do I say if I see my brothers and they just crack open a beer and hand it to me? How should I react to the weird looks and questions of "why not?" Or act like I am a "wimp" for not drinking...
This is one of the hardest parts for me. In the past I have made excuses, such as "my stomach hurts" or "I have a busy day tomorrow". But this only stops their advances for a short period and I always end up faltering and boozing again. I also have had anxiety about saying something like "I am quitting drinking!", because if I start again, I feel like even worse of a failure for saying something that was untrue.
Any advice for this would be much appreciated...
I have a lot of family and social circles, where even though they know that my drinking is a problem for me, and probably even worry about my behavior on some level, still encourage me to drink.
Beyond that is peer pressure. What do I say if I see my brothers and they just crack open a beer and hand it to me? How should I react to the weird looks and questions of "why not?" Or act like I am a "wimp" for not drinking...
This is one of the hardest parts for me. In the past I have made excuses, such as "my stomach hurts" or "I have a busy day tomorrow". But this only stops their advances for a short period and I always end up faltering and boozing again. I also have had anxiety about saying something like "I am quitting drinking!", because if I start again, I feel like even worse of a failure for saying something that was untrue.
Any advice for this would be much appreciated...
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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It's common to feel uncomfortable when facing social situations. Personally, I didn't tell anyone because I felt far too fragile to withstand anyone's comments. So, I just stopped drinking. But, I did stay away from alcohol and people drinking alcohol for a long time, many months. It was the only thing that would work for me.
I believe that saying 'No, thanks' is all that is necessary and that you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you're drinking alcohol or not. If your brother opens you a beer and hands it to you and he's not respecting you saying 'No, thanks', then I guess you need to make a decision. Would it be possible to meet your brother in a coffee shop, or something like that, until you felt more confident?
I believe that saying 'No, thanks' is all that is necessary and that you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you're drinking alcohol or not. If your brother opens you a beer and hands it to you and he's not respecting you saying 'No, thanks', then I guess you need to make a decision. Would it be possible to meet your brother in a coffee shop, or something like that, until you felt more confident?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: US
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by Anna 
It's common to feel uncomfortable when facing social situations. Personally, I didn't tell anyone because I felt far too fragile to withstand anyone's comments. So, I just stopped drinking. But, I did stay away from alcohol and people drinking alcohol for a long time, many months. It was the only thing that would work for me.
I believe that saying 'No, thanks' is all that is necessary and that you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you're drinking alcohol or not. If your brother opens you a beer and hands it to you and he's not respecting you saying 'No, thanks', then I guess you need to make a decision. Would it be possible to meet your brother in a coffee shop, or something like that, until you felt more confident?
I believe that saying 'No, thanks' is all that is necessary and that you don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you're drinking alcohol or not. If your brother opens you a beer and hands it to you and he's not respecting you saying 'No, thanks', then I guess you need to make a decision. Would it be possible to meet your brother in a coffee shop, or something like that, until you felt more confident?
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Saying things like "I'm taking a break" or "I'm trying to get healthy" usually work well for me. I try to keep it light and if it's someone who I know will pressure me I follow it with "and it's reallllllly hard" so they usually back off. You'll find that once they get used to it the pressure stops-it just takes a bit of time. Once I said "it was just kicking my ass" when pressured for reasons why and that person said "I think it's kicking mine too" and I think I was able to help her a little. Good luck-you can do this!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,225
When I first stopped drinking, my family was supportive, as long as it didn't interfere with their drinking. So they would never pressure me to drink, but would drink in front of me. They also say how destructive my drinking became (I ended up in the hospital from a suicide attempt).
Other drinking buddies, I avoided for awhile or only met them at venues we couldn't drink. Eventually as I felt comfortable not drinking, I told them I stopped.
The first thought that came to me as advice to you, if your put under pressure, is to tell a white lie. That your doctor has you under strict orders or something. I think, to protect our sobriety, telling a small lie can save us
Other drinking buddies, I avoided for awhile or only met them at venues we couldn't drink. Eventually as I felt comfortable not drinking, I told them I stopped.
The first thought that came to me as advice to you, if your put under pressure, is to tell a white lie. That your doctor has you under strict orders or something. I think, to protect our sobriety, telling a small lie can save us
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: FL
Posts: 1,072
I just told friends I was quitting for a while. ALL my friends drank. I also avoided them a lot! My husband still drinks like a fish, but I can't avoid him too much.
I admit it was hard in the beginning. I had one friend who would not drop it. She kept putting drinks in front of me and telling me...you can have just one...drink light beer...yadda yadda....she was relentless! I just told her I quit...I'm not drinking anymore. She was a little disrespectful about it. I hardly see her now. You will find out who your true friends are and who your drinking buddies only are.
You can also say your watching your calories, on antibiotics, trying to be more healthy, etc....
I admit it was hard in the beginning. I had one friend who would not drop it. She kept putting drinks in front of me and telling me...you can have just one...drink light beer...yadda yadda....she was relentless! I just told her I quit...I'm not drinking anymore. She was a little disrespectful about it. I hardly see her now. You will find out who your true friends are and who your drinking buddies only are.
You can also say your watching your calories, on antibiotics, trying to be more healthy, etc....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: US
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by Tres
I just told friends I was quitting for a while. ALL my friends drank. I also avoided them a lot! My husband still drinks like a fish, but I can't avoid him too much.
I admit it was hard in the beginning. I had one friend who would not drop it. She kept putting drinks in front of me and telling me...you can have just one...drink light beer...yadda yadda....she was relentless! I just told her I quit...I'm not drinking anymore. She was a little disrespectful about it. I hardly see her now. You will find out who your true friends are and who your drinking buddies only are.
You can also say your watching your calories, on antibiotics, trying to be more healthy, etc....
I admit it was hard in the beginning. I had one friend who would not drop it. She kept putting drinks in front of me and telling me...you can have just one...drink light beer...yadda yadda....she was relentless! I just told her I quit...I'm not drinking anymore. She was a little disrespectful about it. I hardly see her now. You will find out who your true friends are and who your drinking buddies only are.
You can also say your watching your calories, on antibiotics, trying to be more healthy, etc....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: My city of ruins...
Posts: 593
If all else fails, I've done this before: accept the drink, put it down and then go to the bathroom. When I come back, I just ignore the drink and socialize. Then, I may grab it and walk into another room (preferably the kitchen) and pour it out.
Not the wisest advice as it is very hard to look an open drink in the face and not actually drink it, but in some circumstances it was a good option. Especially when others are pressuring me and I just don't feel like making a production of my sobriety.
Also, I've dumped full shots in potted plants before and even poured one straight on the floor under the bar when no one was looking. Sometimes, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to protect her sobriety. I'm willing to go to any lengths, even these!
Finally, I'd go for the other suggestions first and just say "no thanks" or the wonderful other suggested retorts listed in this thread because it is always easier that way. But, if necessary do whatever it takes to keep the poison from your mouth
Not the wisest advice as it is very hard to look an open drink in the face and not actually drink it, but in some circumstances it was a good option. Especially when others are pressuring me and I just don't feel like making a production of my sobriety.
Also, I've dumped full shots in potted plants before and even poured one straight on the floor under the bar when no one was looking. Sometimes, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to protect her sobriety. I'm willing to go to any lengths, even these!
Finally, I'd go for the other suggestions first and just say "no thanks" or the wonderful other suggested retorts listed in this thread because it is always easier that way. But, if necessary do whatever it takes to keep the poison from your mouth
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: FL
Posts: 1,072
Virge, thanks. I do want you to know that my life is SO much better and I have GREAT friends who know my issue and love me anyway! I also have met new friends and am happier than ever. I still see the old drinking gang. I can only tolerate them for a couple of hours. They are all also amazed that I have not had a drink in 13 months. Its worth every bit of work that it takes.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 10
When people ask me to go for a drink or if I'm at a situation/function where people are drinking. I just state I quit drinking. They ask my how come, I'll typically respond with bad things happen when I drink. ( I aint lying that's for sure)
The odd time someone will ask me what happened, I'll just respond with nothing good and nothing I want to talk about and laugh.
Most times though, I get a laugh and people dont ask me again.
The odd time someone will ask me what happened, I'll just respond with nothing good and nothing I want to talk about and laugh.
Most times though, I get a laugh and people dont ask me again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
Originally Posted by Virg
I am curious how people who were first starting out broke the news to people that you are giving up drinking...particularly codependent drinkers who you can't avoid.
I play mens league sports and I'm around men drinking every single week.
Here is the progression;
1) I'm on the wagon.
2) I'm still on the wagon
3) I kind of have a thing going on, I guess I'm not drinking for a while.
4) I really have a thing going, it turns out I don't miss the booze. I don't drink anymore.
5) I don't drink anymore.
Literally, that is exactly how I handle it. Let me tell you, I get asked the same question every single week;
' You drinking yet?'
'Nah, I don't drink anymore.'
Easy as pie.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 929
Originally Posted by IWillWin
If all else fails, I've done this before: accept the drink, put it down and then go to the bathroom. When I come back, I just ignore the drink and socialize. Then, I may grab it and walk into another room (preferably the kitchen) and pour it out.
Not the wisest advice as it is very hard to look an open drink in the face and not actually drink it, but in some circumstances it was a good option. Especially when others are pressuring me and I just don't feel like making a production of my sobriety.
Also, I've dumped full shots in potted plants before and even poured one straight on the floor under the bar when no one was looking. Sometimes, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to protect her sobriety. I'm willing to go to any lengths, even these!
Finally, I'd go for the other suggestions first and just say "no thanks" or the wonderful other suggested retorts listed in this thread because it is always easier that way. But, if necessary do whatever it takes to keep the poison from your mouth
Not the wisest advice as it is very hard to look an open drink in the face and not actually drink it, but in some circumstances it was a good option. Especially when others are pressuring me and I just don't feel like making a production of my sobriety.
Also, I've dumped full shots in potted plants before and even poured one straight on the floor under the bar when no one was looking. Sometimes, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to protect her sobriety. I'm willing to go to any lengths, even these!
Finally, I'd go for the other suggestions first and just say "no thanks" or the wonderful other suggested retorts listed in this thread because it is always easier that way. But, if necessary do whatever it takes to keep the poison from your mouth
If someone will not accept a no thanks, it's time to find new people to hang out with...imo.
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