Help a Mom of an Alcoholic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Mentor, Ohio
Posts: 1
Help a Mom of an Alcoholic
Can someone please help me? I am the mother of an alcoholic who is currently in rehab. I am so scared of when he comes home. I don't want to be the alcohol police. I can't have him drinking at my home. I don't want to be the one to find him dead. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Did he go to rehab voluntarily? Have some hope that he will want to stay sober when he gets out 
Rehab can be a life changing experience for so many people. It's good to have some boundaries though and not having any drink at home is a good start. You might want to check out the friends and family forum here too. The people there have lots of experience dealing with alcoholics and will be able to help you.
Welcome to SR x
Rehab can be a life changing experience for so many people. It's good to have some boundaries though and not having any drink at home is a good start. You might want to check out the friends and family forum here too. The people there have lots of experience dealing with alcoholics and will be able to help you.Welcome to SR
x
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Mass
Posts: 149
Cam - welcome. Glad you found us but sorry for the reason you are here. I am also the mother of an alcoholic that is currently working on recovery. I can't give any advice because I am so new to this process but I will say the best thing I did was set boundaries and stick to them. I made my son move out of our house and it has been much better.
You are welcome to go back and read the threads I've started because everyone gave such great advice some of it may be helpful.
Keep posting this is a great place to land.
You are welcome to go back and read the threads I've started because everyone gave such great advice some of it may be helpful.
Keep posting this is a great place to land.
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
HI cam
You seem so stressed and worried and this is very unhealthy. i understand your fears and concerns but rehab is a great start as he is sober now and hopefully everything he is learning in there he is absorbing but what you can do is encourage him to keep up his recovery, to attend meetings, to nurture his new found sobreity by helping him to deter from triggers and to keep yourself calm and collected and to know that you did not cause it you cant cure it and you cant control it and a healthy mom is a better mom.so please take care of yourself check out an al anon before he comes home and even take a spa day to help wash away the stress.
Best wishes
You seem so stressed and worried and this is very unhealthy. i understand your fears and concerns but rehab is a great start as he is sober now and hopefully everything he is learning in there he is absorbing but what you can do is encourage him to keep up his recovery, to attend meetings, to nurture his new found sobreity by helping him to deter from triggers and to keep yourself calm and collected and to know that you did not cause it you cant cure it and you cant control it and a healthy mom is a better mom.so please take care of yourself check out an al anon before he comes home and even take a spa day to help wash away the stress.
Best wishes
Iceberg Ahead!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Out at Sea
Posts: 1,177
Glad you're here. Please check to see if they have any material or meetings for family members at rehab if you haven't already. Talk to a rehab counselor about your concerns too. Ask about family therapy programs and therapists (addiction qualified) on the inside, or outside in after-care or continuing care.
Start going to Al-Anon meetings as soon as possible and before he comes back from rehab. Try at least six and at different locations. Pick up the book "How Al-Anon Works" and the booklets "Living with Sobriety" and, if available, "Homeward Bound."
You also can try a Families Anonymous meeting.
The concept, with an adult A child (How old is he? How long in rehab?), is for the parent to let the A work their program while you work yours. Each person tries to keep their side of the street clean. You can say "I'm pulling for you" and help get him to AA or IOP meetings.
All the best.
Start going to Al-Anon meetings as soon as possible and before he comes back from rehab. Try at least six and at different locations. Pick up the book "How Al-Anon Works" and the booklets "Living with Sobriety" and, if available, "Homeward Bound."
You also can try a Families Anonymous meeting.
The concept, with an adult A child (How old is he? How long in rehab?), is for the parent to let the A work their program while you work yours. Each person tries to keep their side of the street clean. You can say "I'm pulling for you" and help get him to AA or IOP meetings.
All the best.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 13
Your situation sounds very familiar with what we went through with my brother's addiction. The unknown was the worst part. While there may be plenty of advice, it is difficult to offer anything more helpful, like possible solutions without knowing all of the details, but the first thing that occurs to me is why is he returning to your home? How long was his rehabilitation program and Is he of legal age?
I know that there are so many areas that have transitional sober living houses, geared towards those leaving rehab, who need the support of others in the same situation as themselves. Perhaps that is something you can look into.
I agree with the comments about setting boundaries and the benefits of Al-Anon and other support groups. It also helps to familiarize yourself with the different types of treatment available. Some programs and groups work better than others for different people. If you are close enough to know his personality well, you may be able to help him locate the best choices for him. If one method fails, it is important to express to him that it is most likely the method and not him. Convey positivity so that he may strive to maintain it.
But I cannot stress enough the importance of being aware of the signs of relapse. After all of the problems that I had experienced with my brother, and knowing the warning signs and triggers, I was still unable to see them in my own home with my husband. I do not know whether he was just that talented in deception, or if I chose to not to see the signs, but please be proactive with the situation. While it is trite, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."
Good luck to you both through his recovery process.
I know that there are so many areas that have transitional sober living houses, geared towards those leaving rehab, who need the support of others in the same situation as themselves. Perhaps that is something you can look into.
I agree with the comments about setting boundaries and the benefits of Al-Anon and other support groups. It also helps to familiarize yourself with the different types of treatment available. Some programs and groups work better than others for different people. If you are close enough to know his personality well, you may be able to help him locate the best choices for him. If one method fails, it is important to express to him that it is most likely the method and not him. Convey positivity so that he may strive to maintain it.
But I cannot stress enough the importance of being aware of the signs of relapse. After all of the problems that I had experienced with my brother, and knowing the warning signs and triggers, I was still unable to see them in my own home with my husband. I do not know whether he was just that talented in deception, or if I chose to not to see the signs, but please be proactive with the situation. While it is trite, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure."
Good luck to you both through his recovery process.
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