First Post - My codie story
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3
First Post - My codie story
I've been lurking around SR for a few weeks now, but I finally decided to join. Here's a quick summary of my story.
I don't drink or use drugs myself, but I have been married for more than a decade to an alcoholic/drug addict/bipolar/abuser. We have been separated more than a year and I have just started the divorce process. My main issue is that I still care deeply and worry about everything he does. We do have kids together, so I know that I will never be able to completely cut him out of our lives. As much as I am trying to focus on myself and the kids, I am still having a difficult time with all of my bitterness and anger towards him and his issues. I know that I have to let go and I am trying to work on my own recovery, but I am impatient. I know I did not control his issues when we were together, but I still feel guilt over it all. He's gone through several rehab programs but only seems to get progressively worse. He started with just alcohol, but he has moved through almost every illicit drug choice until he has reached his new favorite - Heroin. I am struggling with my own feelings of inadequecy and am having a hard time with the idea that him choosing the drugs and drink over me and the kids is not about US. I refuse to accept that every harmful or hurtful action was because of the alcohol, but all the good was him. Drugs and alcohol are not an acceptable excuse for bad behavior for me anymore.
I'm here to work on my anger and to learn to heal myself through all of this. And to maybe finally let go of all this resentment.
Hopefully I can work my recovery and let him alone to his own (if that is the route he eventually chooses)
I don't drink or use drugs myself, but I have been married for more than a decade to an alcoholic/drug addict/bipolar/abuser. We have been separated more than a year and I have just started the divorce process. My main issue is that I still care deeply and worry about everything he does. We do have kids together, so I know that I will never be able to completely cut him out of our lives. As much as I am trying to focus on myself and the kids, I am still having a difficult time with all of my bitterness and anger towards him and his issues. I know that I have to let go and I am trying to work on my own recovery, but I am impatient. I know I did not control his issues when we were together, but I still feel guilt over it all. He's gone through several rehab programs but only seems to get progressively worse. He started with just alcohol, but he has moved through almost every illicit drug choice until he has reached his new favorite - Heroin. I am struggling with my own feelings of inadequecy and am having a hard time with the idea that him choosing the drugs and drink over me and the kids is not about US. I refuse to accept that every harmful or hurtful action was because of the alcohol, but all the good was him. Drugs and alcohol are not an acceptable excuse for bad behavior for me anymore.
I'm here to work on my anger and to learn to heal myself through all of this. And to maybe finally let go of all this resentment.
Hopefully I can work my recovery and let him alone to his own (if that is the route he eventually chooses)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: fort wayne, IN.
Posts: 1,085
You are right to take care of your family.
He probably thinks he does'nt have a "choice". When I was getting drunk everyday I believed I had to in order to survive. I did not look at it as choosing alcohol over my loved ones. In reality I did but I could'nt see it until I stopped. No one could make me stop. I was the only one who could want it.
He probably thinks he does'nt have a "choice". When I was getting drunk everyday I believed I had to in order to survive. I did not look at it as choosing alcohol over my loved ones. In reality I did but I could'nt see it until I stopped. No one could make me stop. I was the only one who could want it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
I hope that your husband chooses to take care of himself.
Have you considered AlAnon as a source of support for yourself? And, I hope you keep reading and posting here. There is lots of support here, too.
Have you considered AlAnon as a source of support for yourself? And, I hope you keep reading and posting here. There is lots of support here, too.
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