BabyJane

Anyone have any funny one-liners or jokes to tell relating to sobriety? Keep it PG13 but I need a laugh today. Anyone got anything?

MidnightBlue

Hi, Babyjane.

This one is just a funny picture that reminds it's better to be sober)

Dave42001

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink too much. Way too much. My doctor drew blood. He ran a tab.

BabyJane

Here's one I found :

Q : What do you get when you mix alcohol and English class?
A : Tequila Mockingbird!

BabyJane

Q: How many drunk teenagers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A : Two. One to try to change the lightbulb and another to tweet the picture of the first one getting electrocuted.

Dave42001

Someone sent me this today.. Funny stuff!!

Words to the wise:


I would like to share a personal experience with my closest friends about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from an occasional social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had a couple of cocktails and some rather nice red wine. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before ~ I took a cab home.

Sure enough, I passed a police road block but, since it was a cab, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have never driven a cab before and am not sure where I got it or what to do with it now that it's in my garage.

sugarbear1

there's a fun forum if you scroll to the bottom from the newcomers forum...more funnies there!

or you tube and look for "news anchor bloopers" or something like that.

Happier

Did you hear about the three-legged dog who walked into a saloon and said, "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw!"

I guess that isn't about recovery....but he was walking into a saloon. : )

miko67

I walked into a bar.




alch!!
I got a sore head

Happier

Took me second to get that one, Miko.
I used to walk into a bar and have a sore head the next morning!
Your incident is much healthier. LOL

desertsong

Okay ... I heard this at an AA meeting in rehab, no less.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey. Bartender brings it and the guy pushes it aside without drinking it, and orders another shot. Bartender brings the second shot, and the guy drinks it and orders another shot. Bartender brings it and the guy drinks it, and orders ANOTHER shot. The bartender is confused by the first shot that has not been consumed, so he asks the patron, "Hey, what is it with that first shot? You waiting for someone?" And the patron says, "No, it's just that in AA they tell us never to take that first drink." Nyuk, nyuk. nyuk

hamabi

The British government is debating a new policy which will reduce the nation's rate of binge drinking by 90%.

It's called Scottish Independence.

sugarbear1

"Are you an alcoholic?," she said as he poured another drink. "Not at all," he said, "Alcoholics have class. I'm a common every day drunk."

from the movie, "How to Kill a Neighbor's Dog"