Just need someone to talk to and vent.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 4
Just need someone to talk to and vent.
First of all, I'm glad I found this site. I really need to vent about everything that's been happening.
Im a female 24 years of age. My boyfriend and I have been together more than 3 years now. When we first met, he did drink a lot occasionally but it never resulted in fights and arguments. It actually was sometimes used to "excite". Honestly now, it's a different story.
First off, I've had a bad childhood. I was sexually abused by my moms boyfriend and my mom was in on it. She knew and she watched but never cared. I still struggle with the thoughts of it but I'm a woman who can adapt and not destroy her life or blame her actions because of her childhood.
My boyfriend's a dad died when he was little. And his mom died recently this may. I loved her like a mom I never had.
Because of this, we moved in together do I can help him out. He's 26 without a job. He's kind of lazy and I do a lot of the everything in the relationship. He doesn't like going out, taking photos(can you believe we don't have 1 picture together of all the 3 years?) doesn't open doors type of man. He has been that way before so I already accepted the way he is and still love him very much nonetheless.
There's been a lot of obstacles made alof the way between him and I. He can never tell me he loves me. He can't say the words but assures me he does. I believe him because I know he does. He problem is his drinking. He has never cheated on me. But whenever he comes home drunk, he notices every single thing that's wrong with me. He's been verbally abusive the past 2 years. Saying things like im a piece of sh**, "because of my past I'm trash and will always be trash", kicking me out of our apartment, "you're a stupid dumb bit**" everything you can think of including that he'll be better off without me.
I learned to not talk back and to just absorb the words and hope I don't remember them. But words can stick with you. I've learned to just shut up because the last times i talked back everything just escalates to the point he has broken my lip by hitting me, also hitting me several times after the first incident. One time i locked myself up in the bathroom and he almost broke the door to the apartment. I used to cut myself but I've been trying to stop this habit... I just don't know how else to cope.... I cry a lot and he hates that but I don't think he realizes how much I love him and how much he hurts me. Sometimes is rather have him hit me than barrage me with insults.
I'm jealous of his guy friend because he's always with him, and that guy uses drugs. I just worry. He says he's not doing anything bad and constantly asks me if I trust him, which I do. But I think after everytime he's come home after drinking with that friend then yells and abuses me afterwards makes me put the blame on his friend which I know is wrong. It's my boyfriends fault.
I've also learned to just forgive.... And just not be upset especially in the morning when he wakes up after having more than 10 beers and me just relinquishing all night all the verbal abuse of the night. He says sorry in the morning and he acts like his usual self. If he hit me prior, he asks if it hurts.
Oh yeah. I'm currently jobless because a month ago he actually stormed in my work and got an argument with my boss. Afterwards he pulled me to his side and said that I was quitting. Yet he blames me for not finding a job right away.....
It's like he doesn't know how the adult world works because he hasn't finished his GED or even worked yet. He's 26 without any experience but I never belittled him. Not once. Now he calls me useless because I apparently "sit on your ass and get fat. What do you do? You're useless" his exact words just an hour ago.
I'm at the point of breaking. One time he got maced and i called 911. I lied about it to his relatives because he asked me to.
I just need... A friend. Someone to talk to. I need strength. It's so hard......
Im a female 24 years of age. My boyfriend and I have been together more than 3 years now. When we first met, he did drink a lot occasionally but it never resulted in fights and arguments. It actually was sometimes used to "excite". Honestly now, it's a different story.
First off, I've had a bad childhood. I was sexually abused by my moms boyfriend and my mom was in on it. She knew and she watched but never cared. I still struggle with the thoughts of it but I'm a woman who can adapt and not destroy her life or blame her actions because of her childhood.
My boyfriend's a dad died when he was little. And his mom died recently this may. I loved her like a mom I never had.
Because of this, we moved in together do I can help him out. He's 26 without a job. He's kind of lazy and I do a lot of the everything in the relationship. He doesn't like going out, taking photos(can you believe we don't have 1 picture together of all the 3 years?) doesn't open doors type of man. He has been that way before so I already accepted the way he is and still love him very much nonetheless.
There's been a lot of obstacles made alof the way between him and I. He can never tell me he loves me. He can't say the words but assures me he does. I believe him because I know he does. He problem is his drinking. He has never cheated on me. But whenever he comes home drunk, he notices every single thing that's wrong with me. He's been verbally abusive the past 2 years. Saying things like im a piece of sh**, "because of my past I'm trash and will always be trash", kicking me out of our apartment, "you're a stupid dumb bit**" everything you can think of including that he'll be better off without me.
I learned to not talk back and to just absorb the words and hope I don't remember them. But words can stick with you. I've learned to just shut up because the last times i talked back everything just escalates to the point he has broken my lip by hitting me, also hitting me several times after the first incident. One time i locked myself up in the bathroom and he almost broke the door to the apartment. I used to cut myself but I've been trying to stop this habit... I just don't know how else to cope.... I cry a lot and he hates that but I don't think he realizes how much I love him and how much he hurts me. Sometimes is rather have him hit me than barrage me with insults.
I'm jealous of his guy friend because he's always with him, and that guy uses drugs. I just worry. He says he's not doing anything bad and constantly asks me if I trust him, which I do. But I think after everytime he's come home after drinking with that friend then yells and abuses me afterwards makes me put the blame on his friend which I know is wrong. It's my boyfriends fault.
I've also learned to just forgive.... And just not be upset especially in the morning when he wakes up after having more than 10 beers and me just relinquishing all night all the verbal abuse of the night. He says sorry in the morning and he acts like his usual self. If he hit me prior, he asks if it hurts.
Oh yeah. I'm currently jobless because a month ago he actually stormed in my work and got an argument with my boss. Afterwards he pulled me to his side and said that I was quitting. Yet he blames me for not finding a job right away.....
It's like he doesn't know how the adult world works because he hasn't finished his GED or even worked yet. He's 26 without any experience but I never belittled him. Not once. Now he calls me useless because I apparently "sit on your ass and get fat. What do you do? You're useless" his exact words just an hour ago.
I'm at the point of breaking. One time he got maced and i called 911. I lied about it to his relatives because he asked me to.
I just need... A friend. Someone to talk to. I need strength. It's so hard......
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 119
I know how you feel. My partner is the same. He was physically abusive when I stood up to him so I learned just to let him sleep it off. But he never apologised in the morning. Recently he has been verbally abusive even before breakfast after waking up still drunk. I lost my job too when he turned up drunk at my office at 9.30am. Everyone else thinks he is a warm and loving person. He is in hospital with liver failure now and says he doesn't want our relationship to continue. He is surrounded by help and I am on my own. I hope he makes a recovery and worry about him but I am really struggling to cope.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Honolulu, Hawaii
Posts: 87
Iya,
I am getting out of an on and off co-dependent relationship. He sounds like he may be doing crystal meth with his 'druggie' friend. They get mean and crazy. Sounds like you two are clinging to each other because otherwise you would be alone. Let me tell you that isn't a bad thing. Sounds like you could hold down a job and the best advice would be to get out of that situations asap! All of a sudden you could wake up and realize you have been in an abusive relationship for years!
It is hard, I'm here for you!
Sunriseshell
I am getting out of an on and off co-dependent relationship. He sounds like he may be doing crystal meth with his 'druggie' friend. They get mean and crazy. Sounds like you two are clinging to each other because otherwise you would be alone. Let me tell you that isn't a bad thing. Sounds like you could hold down a job and the best advice would be to get out of that situations asap! All of a sudden you could wake up and realize you have been in an abusive relationship for years!
It is hard, I'm here for you!
Sunriseshell
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Honolulu, Hawaii
Posts: 87
Patsy, you will be okay! Alone is hard. I am in the same boat, ending the off and on co-d with the X. I let him back in because I am alone and then realize it is so chaotic I don't want it anymore. It is a blessing he is letting you go! Just have to take time to get to know you again. Do you have support of friends/family?
Well, your here now!
Blessings!
Sunriseshell
Well, your here now!
Blessings!
Sunriseshell
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 119
My family live a long way away and don't really understand how I feel. I know they are pleased we have split up. I cry every day even though he has been gone for two months and I miss the times we had together. We were only on holiday in July. It seems like years ago. I am trying to get my life back but it is so hard and just when I think things may be OK I feel bad again. I am starting to drink myself and worry I will end up like him but with noone to look after me.
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Originally Posted by Iya 
First of all, I'm glad I found this site. I really need to vent about everything that's been happening.
Im a female 24 years of age. My boyfriend and I have been together more than 3 years now. When we first met, he did drink a lot occasionally but it never resulted in fights and arguments. It actually was sometimes used to "excite". Honestly now, it's a different story.
First off, I've had a bad childhood. I was sexually abused by my moms boyfriend and my mom was in on it. She knew and she watched but never cared. I still struggle with the thoughts of it but I'm a woman who can adapt and not destroy her life or blame her actions because of her childhood.
My boyfriend's a dad died when he was little. And his mom died recently this may. I loved her like a mom I never had.
Because of this, we moved in together do I can help him out. He's 26 without a job. He's kind of lazy and I do a lot of the everything in the relationship. He doesn't like going out, taking photos(can you believe we don't have 1 picture together of all the 3 years?) doesn't open doors type of man. He has been that way before so I already accepted the way he is and still love him very much nonetheless.
There's been a lot of obstacles made alof the way between him and I. He can never tell me he loves me. He can't say the words but assures me he does. I believe him because I know he does. He problem is his drinking. He has never cheated on me. But whenever he comes home drunk, he notices every single thing that's wrong with me. He's been verbally abusive the past 2 years. Saying things like im a piece of sh**, "because of my past I'm trash and will always be trash", kicking me out of our apartment, "you're a stupid dumb bit**" everything you can think of including that he'll be better off without me.
I learned to not talk back and to just absorb the words and hope I don't remember them. But words can stick with you. I've learned to just shut up because the last times i talked back everything just escalates to the point he has broken my lip by hitting me, also hitting me several times after the first incident. One time i locked myself up in the bathroom and he almost broke the door to the apartment. I used to cut myself but I've been trying to stop this habit... I just don't know how else to cope.... I cry a lot and he hates that but I don't think he realizes how much I love him and how much he hurts me. Sometimes is rather have him hit me than barrage me with insults.
I'm jealous of his guy friend because he's always with him, and that guy uses drugs. I just worry. He says he's not doing anything bad and constantly asks me if I trust him, which I do. But I think after everytime he's come home after drinking with that friend then yells and abuses me afterwards makes me put the blame on his friend which I know is wrong. It's my boyfriends fault.
I've also learned to just forgive.... And just not be upset especially in the morning when he wakes up after having more than 10 beers and me just relinquishing all night all the verbal abuse of the night. He says sorry in the morning and he acts like his usual self. If he hit me prior, he asks if it hurts.
Oh yeah. I'm currently jobless because a month ago he actually stormed in my work and got an argument with my boss. Afterwards he pulled me to his side and said that I was quitting. Yet he blames me for not finding a job right away.....
It's like he doesn't know how the adult world works because he hasn't finished his GED or even worked yet. He's 26 without any experience but I never belittled him. Not once. Now he calls me useless because I apparently "sit on your ass and get fat. What do you do? You're useless" his exact words just an hour ago.
I'm at the point of breaking. One time he got maced and i called 911. I lied about it to his relatives because he asked me to.
I just need... A friend. Someone to talk to. I need strength. It's so hard......
Im a female 24 years of age. My boyfriend and I have been together more than 3 years now. When we first met, he did drink a lot occasionally but it never resulted in fights and arguments. It actually was sometimes used to "excite". Honestly now, it's a different story.
First off, I've had a bad childhood. I was sexually abused by my moms boyfriend and my mom was in on it. She knew and she watched but never cared. I still struggle with the thoughts of it but I'm a woman who can adapt and not destroy her life or blame her actions because of her childhood.
My boyfriend's a dad died when he was little. And his mom died recently this may. I loved her like a mom I never had.
Because of this, we moved in together do I can help him out. He's 26 without a job. He's kind of lazy and I do a lot of the everything in the relationship. He doesn't like going out, taking photos(can you believe we don't have 1 picture together of all the 3 years?) doesn't open doors type of man. He has been that way before so I already accepted the way he is and still love him very much nonetheless.
There's been a lot of obstacles made alof the way between him and I. He can never tell me he loves me. He can't say the words but assures me he does. I believe him because I know he does. He problem is his drinking. He has never cheated on me. But whenever he comes home drunk, he notices every single thing that's wrong with me. He's been verbally abusive the past 2 years. Saying things like im a piece of sh**, "because of my past I'm trash and will always be trash", kicking me out of our apartment, "you're a stupid dumb bit**" everything you can think of including that he'll be better off without me.
I learned to not talk back and to just absorb the words and hope I don't remember them. But words can stick with you. I've learned to just shut up because the last times i talked back everything just escalates to the point he has broken my lip by hitting me, also hitting me several times after the first incident. One time i locked myself up in the bathroom and he almost broke the door to the apartment. I used to cut myself but I've been trying to stop this habit... I just don't know how else to cope.... I cry a lot and he hates that but I don't think he realizes how much I love him and how much he hurts me. Sometimes is rather have him hit me than barrage me with insults.
I'm jealous of his guy friend because he's always with him, and that guy uses drugs. I just worry. He says he's not doing anything bad and constantly asks me if I trust him, which I do. But I think after everytime he's come home after drinking with that friend then yells and abuses me afterwards makes me put the blame on his friend which I know is wrong. It's my boyfriends fault.
I've also learned to just forgive.... And just not be upset especially in the morning when he wakes up after having more than 10 beers and me just relinquishing all night all the verbal abuse of the night. He says sorry in the morning and he acts like his usual self. If he hit me prior, he asks if it hurts.
Oh yeah. I'm currently jobless because a month ago he actually stormed in my work and got an argument with my boss. Afterwards he pulled me to his side and said that I was quitting. Yet he blames me for not finding a job right away.....
It's like he doesn't know how the adult world works because he hasn't finished his GED or even worked yet. He's 26 without any experience but I never belittled him. Not once. Now he calls me useless because I apparently "sit on your ass and get fat. What do you do? You're useless" his exact words just an hour ago.
I'm at the point of breaking. One time he got maced and i called 911. I lied about it to his relatives because he asked me to.
I just need... A friend. Someone to talk to. I need strength. It's so hard......
this is a BAD BAD BAD situation. please get out. i am afraid for you....you are afraid for yourself. when i was younger a teen.....i use to cut myself of course i was doing drugs and it felt good in a sick way i grew out of this and wouldnt take a second thought to it since becoming a mother and an adult....i love me and my life ....what makes this an even frightening situation is what this is clearly doing to YOU aside from the obvious abuse here ....you abusing yourself because of this is sad.
lets think about this for a moment........this man is is destroying your self worth and because of the cutting the damage done could very much be worse.
please get out of this relationship talk to domestic abuse ....he does NOT love you.....he will NOT stop and he WONT be the person you want in a partner..
you work, you seem like a intelligent and loving person and you hold him up from himself.....you can move on and be happy.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Honolulu, Hawaii
Posts: 87
Patsy 22
I know what you mean, I turned to alcohol to cope and now am quitting that because I have a problem. Maybe you can give up your place and move? Or move back home for a bit. Even though it is insensitive in the way that your parents are acknowledging your pain, they are probably scared for you. I could have left my bad relationship 5 years ago and didn't. I just wanted him to be okay. Now I just want me to be okay. One day I woke up and looked at my 40 year old self in the mirror and cried. Where did the time go?
Keep posting!
I know what you mean, I turned to alcohol to cope and now am quitting that because I have a problem. Maybe you can give up your place and move? Or move back home for a bit. Even though it is insensitive in the way that your parents are acknowledging your pain, they are probably scared for you. I could have left my bad relationship 5 years ago and didn't. I just wanted him to be okay. Now I just want me to be okay. One day I woke up and looked at my 40 year old self in the mirror and cried. Where did the time go?
Keep posting!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Iya, Welcome to SR! I'm so sorry to hear about all the abuse you have been suffering at the hands of man who is supposed to be treating you with love, dignity, and respect. You deserve nothing less.
I want to ask you something. Do you have any women in your life that you care about and love? If so, imagine this woman is involved with a man exactly like your boyfriend. How would it make you feel knowing that this woman is being hit? How would it make you feel to know that this woman was being told:
I hope that you would feel just as outraged for your friend as we feel for you! You do not deserve to be treated with such disrepect and cruelty.
I also hope you will consider contacting this number to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline and speaking to one of the counselors there. They are wonderful people and can talk to you about your options.
For the US:
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-7233
1-800-787-3224 (TTY For The Deaf)
There are also some excellent resources here about protecting yourself and making a plan should you decide to leave.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
Welcome, again, Iya! We are glad that you found us!! HG
I want to ask you something. Do you have any women in your life that you care about and love? If so, imagine this woman is involved with a man exactly like your boyfriend. How would it make you feel knowing that this woman is being hit? How would it make you feel to know that this woman was being told:
"because of my past I'm trash and will always be trash", "you're a stupid dumb bit**", "sit on your ass and get fat. What do you do? You're useless"
I also hope you will consider contacting this number to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline and speaking to one of the counselors there. They are wonderful people and can talk to you about your options.
For the US:
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-7233
1-800-787-3224 (TTY For The Deaf)
There are also some excellent resources here about protecting yourself and making a plan should you decide to leave.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
Welcome, again, Iya! We are glad that you found us!! HG
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Just offering ((hugs))
None of us deserve abuse, please reach out to the DV line. You are not alone.
XABF started emotional/verbal abuse, I cried for months realizing who he really was, deciding to leave, then mourning him. I posted here daily.
Healing takes time but first we have to take steps to change our situation. We have the power to choose, we always have options.
I have been 4 years away and I have lived by myself most of this time. It can get lonely but you know what, nothing as lonely as sleeping next to a monster.
The loneliest night in silence & peace is way better than any other moment I wasted next to a coward.
Keep reading and posting and reaching out. Here there are many people that understand. I have gone through neglect/abusive situations as well, we have the power to end that cycle and start taking care of ourselves. We deserve it. We deserve a life free of violence.
:ghug3
None of us deserve abuse, please reach out to the DV line. You are not alone.
XABF started emotional/verbal abuse, I cried for months realizing who he really was, deciding to leave, then mourning him. I posted here daily.
Healing takes time but first we have to take steps to change our situation. We have the power to choose, we always have options.
I have been 4 years away and I have lived by myself most of this time. It can get lonely but you know what, nothing as lonely as sleeping next to a monster.
The loneliest night in silence & peace is way better than any other moment I wasted next to a coward.
Keep reading and posting and reaching out. Here there are many people that understand. I have gone through neglect/abusive situations as well, we have the power to end that cycle and start taking care of ourselves. We deserve it. We deserve a life free of violence.
:ghug3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 4
Hello,
I am so glad to wake up after finally falling asleep and reading all these replies. It brought tears to my eyes knowing that in my thoughts, I'm not alone. I read every single reply and what most of you said is true. I do know that there's a tinge of co dependency in this relationship. But I can't help it. When his mom died, his sister's son was being taken care of by his mom. His sister has a mental illness and cannot stop using drugs or ending up in jail so we decided to take his nephew in and take care of him. That was his mom's last wish, for him to not end up in he foster home. God bless her heart. She was strong and very nice to me and treated me like her own.
I know part of his stress is his mom's death and the thought of not being ready to take full responsibility of his nephew. He seems to drink a lot more when he's stressed. He doesn't talk to me about it unless he's buzzed or drunk but that ends up bad. You can see him be really sad then upset then overly jealous then rage then be silent and start all over again in the span of a minute. I guess that's where I feel I should be here for him during his hard times. I feel like I'm obligated to but he doesn't understand he's destroying our relationship and it hurts a whole lot for me.
I try to be strong and I do a lot to not make him mad. I'm afraid of him to be mad at me that it comes to the point I think about what I should talk about with him and what should be left out. Before, I could talk to him and not worry about my words. I've also changed myself and pushed away a lot of my friends because he doesn't like him.
I know this is unhealthy and if a close female is having the same problem I would tell her to dump his ass. But alas, I'm a hypocrite???? I can't seem to follow my own advice. I keep thinking I'm stronger and I can plow through but I know being strong also means to learn when to let go.....
On his mom's last words she asked him to stop being "mean" to me pertaining to his verbal abuse because "she (me) cares for you a whole lot" he remembers this but it seems to slip his mind a lot.
I don't want him to get into trouble since we are taking care of his 9 year old nephew. I'm scared to call the hotlines because what if they call police to our apartment....?
I appreciate All of the concern. Its a relief to know people I don't know care about my wellbeing. I will continue to post and hope to make friends with the people in this forum and to help each other out.
I am so glad to wake up after finally falling asleep and reading all these replies. It brought tears to my eyes knowing that in my thoughts, I'm not alone. I read every single reply and what most of you said is true. I do know that there's a tinge of co dependency in this relationship. But I can't help it. When his mom died, his sister's son was being taken care of by his mom. His sister has a mental illness and cannot stop using drugs or ending up in jail so we decided to take his nephew in and take care of him. That was his mom's last wish, for him to not end up in he foster home. God bless her heart. She was strong and very nice to me and treated me like her own.
I know part of his stress is his mom's death and the thought of not being ready to take full responsibility of his nephew. He seems to drink a lot more when he's stressed. He doesn't talk to me about it unless he's buzzed or drunk but that ends up bad. You can see him be really sad then upset then overly jealous then rage then be silent and start all over again in the span of a minute. I guess that's where I feel I should be here for him during his hard times. I feel like I'm obligated to but he doesn't understand he's destroying our relationship and it hurts a whole lot for me.
I try to be strong and I do a lot to not make him mad. I'm afraid of him to be mad at me that it comes to the point I think about what I should talk about with him and what should be left out. Before, I could talk to him and not worry about my words. I've also changed myself and pushed away a lot of my friends because he doesn't like him.
I know this is unhealthy and if a close female is having the same problem I would tell her to dump his ass. But alas, I'm a hypocrite???? I can't seem to follow my own advice. I keep thinking I'm stronger and I can plow through but I know being strong also means to learn when to let go.....
On his mom's last words she asked him to stop being "mean" to me pertaining to his verbal abuse because "she (me) cares for you a whole lot" he remembers this but it seems to slip his mind a lot.
I don't want him to get into trouble since we are taking care of his 9 year old nephew. I'm scared to call the hotlines because what if they call police to our apartment....?
I appreciate All of the concern. Its a relief to know people I don't know care about my wellbeing. I will continue to post and hope to make friends with the people in this forum and to help each other out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 4
Originally Posted by Patsy22
I know how you feel. My partner is the same. He was physically abusive when I stood up to him so I learned just to let him sleep it off. But he never apologised in the morning. Recently he has been verbally abusive even before breakfast after waking up still drunk. I lost my job too when he turned up drunk at my office at 9.30am. Everyone else thinks he is a warm and loving person. He is in hospital with liver failure now and says he doesn't want our relationship to continue. He is surrounded by help and I am on my own. I hope he makes a recovery and worry about him but I am really struggling to cope.
Same with him.. His friends and family thinks he is this perfect person but they don't know anything of what I have to hear every night and day he is drunk. His family has a history of liver disease and he doesn't think in the future I I'll be mourning for him.... I am here for you to talk to. You can cope, you are strong and not alone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Iya, I am much much older than you, and I just left a very abusive marriage after 20 years. Today I posted "Not time to Forgive", and you might want to read it and see what happened to me when I stayed so very long. It was pretty devastating.
I have daughters, and if I think of one of them in your place, it would bring me to tears, and I would ask them to leave this abusive destructive man immediately.
In my situation, I thought my AH's problems were mainly medical problems, and I was being a "good wife" to stay. Well, in hindsight, many of the problems were really from alcohol. I submerged my own needs and eventually way too much of my own identity to try to "fix" his problems.
Well, only he can fix his problems. I couldn't. No one else can fix anybody else's problems. I almost went under trying. I so much wish better for you.
When I hadn't realized what the real problem was, I thought I was the problem. That's what he told me. And I turned my anger, my despair, my fear in against myself and I got physically sick. It may be that cutting yourself, or drinking, or whatever women do in this situation is turning those bad feelings inward against ourselves.
It is a real problem about your nephew. I am so sorry for the loss of your ABF's mother, who seemed to be a real resource and supporter for you. It is not clear to me, though, having grown up in an alcoholic abusive family, whether having a 9 year old around your ABF and his abuse is good for that child. Where is his father and his father's family? Do they know what is going on and the conditions he's living in? Maybe they could take him or find a solution for him. It is not your responsibility, even legally, and it sounds like there are healthier ways for you and your ABF's nephew to live.
Read here, post often, and think about what YOU need, what YOU want, what YOU deserve. Think about that on its own, without thinking abour your boyfriend. THEN think about whether you will be able to grow into the kind of person you want to be and live the life you want if you stay in this relationship.
We're all here for you,
ShootingStar1
I have daughters, and if I think of one of them in your place, it would bring me to tears, and I would ask them to leave this abusive destructive man immediately.
In my situation, I thought my AH's problems were mainly medical problems, and I was being a "good wife" to stay. Well, in hindsight, many of the problems were really from alcohol. I submerged my own needs and eventually way too much of my own identity to try to "fix" his problems.
Well, only he can fix his problems. I couldn't. No one else can fix anybody else's problems. I almost went under trying. I so much wish better for you.
When I hadn't realized what the real problem was, I thought I was the problem. That's what he told me. And I turned my anger, my despair, my fear in against myself and I got physically sick. It may be that cutting yourself, or drinking, or whatever women do in this situation is turning those bad feelings inward against ourselves.
It is a real problem about your nephew. I am so sorry for the loss of your ABF's mother, who seemed to be a real resource and supporter for you. It is not clear to me, though, having grown up in an alcoholic abusive family, whether having a 9 year old around your ABF and his abuse is good for that child. Where is his father and his father's family? Do they know what is going on and the conditions he's living in? Maybe they could take him or find a solution for him. It is not your responsibility, even legally, and it sounds like there are healthier ways for you and your ABF's nephew to live.
Read here, post often, and think about what YOU need, what YOU want, what YOU deserve. Think about that on its own, without thinking abour your boyfriend. THEN think about whether you will be able to grow into the kind of person you want to be and live the life you want if you stay in this relationship.
We're all here for you,
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 350
Iya, you deserve better than what you are getting from this man. And honestly, what ARE you getting from him? I'm not judging or asking you to explain yourself - you owe me nothing. I just hope you put some thought into it and come to realize that you are worthy. You are worthy of being treated with respect. You are worthy of having a partner, not a manchild. You are worthy of love and someone who can say those words to you. You are worthy, honey. You are.
It's not healthy for you OR for his nephew to tiptoe through your lives, trying not to set him off. Please keep coming here - you will continue to find tremendous support and knowledge. And please consider contacting the DV people HydroGirl suggested.
Take care of yourself.
It's not healthy for you OR for his nephew to tiptoe through your lives, trying not to set him off. Please keep coming here - you will continue to find tremendous support and knowledge. And please consider contacting the DV people HydroGirl suggested.
Take care of yourself.
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