nostalgia

Hi all, I have been cutting down on alcohol. Usually I drink a bottle of wine per night or more. Last week I went 3 days without drinking but then drank a couple of times at a resort we visited for 2 days - no more than usual. Got back from there last night and didn't drink again last night.

Today, I signed up to be a Big Sister. I am trying to volunteer my time and find other positive things to do instead of drinking. I am very excited about being a Big Sister but even during the meeting with this recruiter, I was getting the urge to drink. The urge has not left me since. It's been a couple of hours. Perhaps it is because we were discussing emotional matters, but I noticed that my brain immediately went there.

I wish I could just be proud of what I am doing instead of thinking about booze. I know it will take time, but still.

Windancer

Glad you are posting instead of drinking. I think it takes awhile for the focus on alcohol to shift....I try and notice it and shift my focus elsewhere. Im trying to retrain my brain!

nostalgia

Thank you, Winddancer. I agree that this is what needs to be done - a retraining/shift in thinking. I know I shouldn't expect immediate results, but it would be nice to have to have some, for encouragement!

Windancer

I know! I want EVERTHING in my life to be all perfect and in order right NOW....but life just doesnt work that way. I am also trying to work on acceptance

Fandy

when i first went through this, a wise woman here (Anna i think)? told me that cravings only last about 7 minutes...(hmmm yours must be more intense, lol)? You can work through them, do something different to take the focus off the drink, yes, it's hard. Look at your accomplishments this past week, be proud of the changes you are successful at.

Get out of your head, get outside, clean something (i'm a big fan of cleaning, it helps me feel calm, i even scrub grout with an old toothbrush)...i walk the dog a lot, it's good for both of us.

nostalgia

Oh jeez, If it was 7 minutes I would NOT be whining still. I am still thinking about it, and more worried about how i am going to spend tonight, if this is how I feel during the day.

hypochondriac

Actual cravings don't last long. It sounds like you're just wondering when your next drink will be... Are you cutting down with the intention of quitting? I know that my cravings lessened with time because drinking really wasn't an option. When I get them now I just dismiss them because it ain't gonna happen If you focus on your drinking then the cravings will probably become more intense and last longer. What are your intentions regarding your drinking?

nostalgia

Hypochondriac - I think you hit it dead on. I can't actually differentiate between physical cravings and mental. Right now I am in the process of my first REAL attempt to CUT DOWN on the booze. I am no longer ok with it being a nightly habit, but I am hoping that I can control myself enough to actually become a casual drinker one day. I have said before that I am going to cut down, only drink on weekends, even only drink every other day, but I was never serious about it. As soon as that craving kicked in, I went and got wine.

Now I am committed to cutting down to weekends only. I enjoy wine a lot, but I don't want it to become a bigger problem than it is. With that being said, the thought of not having a drink ever again makes me incredibly sad. I am hoping that I am not yet past the point of no return. However, if I am not able to make it through this week, I will seriously start to consider giving it up altogether. I am hoping that the feelings I have about it right now, are a result of not having adjusted to my new drinking schedule. Also, I plan to cut down on how much I am drinking on the weekends. Hopefully, eventually only 2-3 glasses.

What do you think, is it hopeless?

MIRecovery

IMO these are the realities of alcoholism

Controling your drinking = Hopeless
Not drinking = A wonderful life

sugarbear1

why not just stop drinking?

every time you drink again, you are creating The Kindling Effect. Creating a physical-mental desire to continue to drink......

we aren't able to drink 2-3 socially; we aren't "made this way"

cfm

I know this guy who said he would never give up drinking because he could not stand the thought of not being able to have a drink at his daughters wedding. He didn't have a daughter. He's dead now.

Dee74

I'll be honest - I prefer the complete abstinence experiment.
Go 30, 60 days with no drinking at all.

That will tell you if you've reached the point of no return or not.

But...I think everyone tries, at least once, to see if they can 'cut back' to normal drinking. Most of us, if not all of us here, failed on that score.

If thats what you've determined on, I recommend you be honest with yourself. Brutally honest.

Ask yourself if you ever drank normally - if one drink was always 12, then you have no normal to go back to. We can't regain a control we never had.

Secondly, set a time frame.

If by, say 4 weeks, you haven't cut back consistently, and you've driven yourself mad from obsessing over your next drink, call it quits...and accept the reality that cutting back is not for you.

Don't waste 20 years on it like I did.

MIRecovery

Like so many others. Very sad but it is the nature of our enemy

Windancer

It does sound like you are thinking about your next drink. It has only been recently that I noticed the difference between an actual craving, and my "ideas" or plans to drink later.

I would seriously take Dee's advice. Be brutally honest.....and is it worth it to drink at all? I always try and consider that many many people do not drink for many reasons, and not all of them every had a problem with alcohol in the first place.

Xune

Ask your Doctor this question.

nostalgia

Thank you guys for all of your responses. I think you are right about being honest and setting a time period. I will try that. In regards to why not quit... I guess I just can't even picture what life would be like without drinking. I've drank pretty steadily since I was 17. That was teenage binge drinking, then in my early 20s - party drinking, mid 20s - dinner and drinks, late 20s - stay home and drink wine. I am now 32 and I am constantly drinking - for all occasions, and I have even stopped working out before last week. The level I am trying to get to, is not a "going back to something level" but a new level, where I am conscious when begin hurting myself, but where I can still enjoy an occasional night of drinks. Perhaps this is delusional... I don't know. I want to try.

Dee74

none of us could - but it got to a point for me that it had to be better than what I was doing.

The fear of change was way worse than the actual change - and I'm glad I did it now.

I rediscovered the real me I'd forgotten, and a great life - and all I had to do was give up drinking

D

hypochondriac

Many of us can't imagine what life is like without drinking, it is quite frankly terrifying for most alcoholics and keeps us drinking for a long time. I know fear kept me drinking. But really I had never given sobriety a chance. I am still scared and have been sober 9 months. But I was drinking daily for over 12 years so it's only fair to just see what sober life is like. I have no idea what the rest of my life will be like without alcohol but I know it isn't the be all and end all anymore. I can't quite believe how much I let alcohol dictate my life before.

If you want to try controlled drinking there is lots of information out there... try HAMS/moderation management... I doubt anyone here would recommend it though on the whole been there, done that principle.

Maybe just have an honest look back on your drinking... have you managed to control it before? It might save you the extra experiment x

Hevyn

Hi nostalgia. Emotions of any kind always got me craving a drink (or ten). I went on into my 50's trying to manage it or control the amounts, and it never worked. I always ended up drinking more than I intended, and later in life it cost me dearly.

I'm glad you're here and discussing how you feel. Wish I'd reached out for help and suggestions in my 30's - things would have turned out so different. Congratulations on being a Big Sister - what a wonderful, unselfish thing to do.

Xune

I wish I could moderate, but I can't. So I don't drink and I'm OK with that.

I accept that I cannot drink and life is better for me without booze.

I wish you well in the choices you make.