Trying to get sober
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: US
Posts: 34
Trying to get sober
Hello everyone,
I was looking for some online support and came across this forum. I have struggled with alcoholism for over a decade now. I recently turned 31, and over the past few years I have seen my alcoholism and depression go from bad to worse. I suppose in the past I never took it so seriously, even though perhaps I should have.
Because of drinking, I have sacrificed romantic relationships and friendships. I have lost my license and been put in jail. I have lost jobs and taken beatings while in a drunken stupor. Well, last year my girlfriend of 7 years left me and left the country. At the same time, I basically became unemployed. Since then, I have found a better job, but it hasn't made the depression and loneliness go away.
Since the breakup, I have gotten worse. I am always doing things while I am drunk that I am embarrassed about the next day -- for example getting in fights in bar parking lots, or obnoxiously hitting on women. I have been literally thrown out of every bar in town for my behavior, and have taken to drinking alone. I don't mean this to sound like I am boasting, because I am constantly filled with regret over it all. I am really not that type of person inside, and most people who really know me, know that I am a friendly, artistic person who makes people laugh and would do anything for a friend.
But I am also very depressed, lonely and angry inside and these feelings manifest themselves when I drink, in my actions and my demeanor. I have thought of ending it all recently, and it really scares me. I think that is part of my behavior as well. I feel desperate and trapped sometimes, and I drink to try and escape this torment and anxiety I constantly feel. It's as if half of me is screaming out for some kind of peace inside, and the other half just wants to crash into a brick wall and die.
I try to stop drinking. Especially after a crazy Friday night. I will waste my Saturday off laying around hung over, too nervous to even seek out any kind of social contact. I worry, because I live in a small-medium sized town and word gets around fast about what I do. I tell myself "no more". Or I tell myself I will only drink on the weekends, so I won't have to work all day hung over or be late. But I barely ever make it to Wednesday without drinking. This week, I only made it to Monday and felt terrible all day at work. Needless to say, if I lose my job, I worry I will go off the deep end.
I don't even think I make "excuses" anymore for drinking, so much as I am cynical of my own promises to myself that I will stop. But I want to try again, harder, because it is killing me inside, both literally and figuratively. I feel sick all of the time, and I know that binge drinking entire fifths of liquor or entire cases of beer in a night is terrible for my health.
I need some advice, some help. I have nobody to turn to. My whole family are drinkers. I really have no friends around here, and the one person I ever really loved is on the other side of the world and hates me. I set up an appointment with a therapist later this week, so hopefully she can help me. I think about AA, but I find it very embarrassing, and I don't know if I can go in.
I don't know what I will do when I quit drinking. I can't drive, and there are very few things to do in this town. That makes it a lot harder, because I end up sitting alone, sober and bored, and eventually break down and get drunk...I don't know what to do...
I was looking for some online support and came across this forum. I have struggled with alcoholism for over a decade now. I recently turned 31, and over the past few years I have seen my alcoholism and depression go from bad to worse. I suppose in the past I never took it so seriously, even though perhaps I should have.
Because of drinking, I have sacrificed romantic relationships and friendships. I have lost my license and been put in jail. I have lost jobs and taken beatings while in a drunken stupor. Well, last year my girlfriend of 7 years left me and left the country. At the same time, I basically became unemployed. Since then, I have found a better job, but it hasn't made the depression and loneliness go away.
Since the breakup, I have gotten worse. I am always doing things while I am drunk that I am embarrassed about the next day -- for example getting in fights in bar parking lots, or obnoxiously hitting on women. I have been literally thrown out of every bar in town for my behavior, and have taken to drinking alone. I don't mean this to sound like I am boasting, because I am constantly filled with regret over it all. I am really not that type of person inside, and most people who really know me, know that I am a friendly, artistic person who makes people laugh and would do anything for a friend.
But I am also very depressed, lonely and angry inside and these feelings manifest themselves when I drink, in my actions and my demeanor. I have thought of ending it all recently, and it really scares me. I think that is part of my behavior as well. I feel desperate and trapped sometimes, and I drink to try and escape this torment and anxiety I constantly feel. It's as if half of me is screaming out for some kind of peace inside, and the other half just wants to crash into a brick wall and die.
I try to stop drinking. Especially after a crazy Friday night. I will waste my Saturday off laying around hung over, too nervous to even seek out any kind of social contact. I worry, because I live in a small-medium sized town and word gets around fast about what I do. I tell myself "no more". Or I tell myself I will only drink on the weekends, so I won't have to work all day hung over or be late. But I barely ever make it to Wednesday without drinking. This week, I only made it to Monday and felt terrible all day at work. Needless to say, if I lose my job, I worry I will go off the deep end.
I don't even think I make "excuses" anymore for drinking, so much as I am cynical of my own promises to myself that I will stop. But I want to try again, harder, because it is killing me inside, both literally and figuratively. I feel sick all of the time, and I know that binge drinking entire fifths of liquor or entire cases of beer in a night is terrible for my health.
I need some advice, some help. I have nobody to turn to. My whole family are drinkers. I really have no friends around here, and the one person I ever really loved is on the other side of the world and hates me. I set up an appointment with a therapist later this week, so hopefully she can help me. I think about AA, but I find it very embarrassing, and I don't know if I can go in.
I don't know what I will do when I quit drinking. I can't drive, and there are very few things to do in this town. That makes it a lot harder, because I end up sitting alone, sober and bored, and eventually break down and get drunk...I don't know what to do...
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Hi Virg, welcome to SR 
Deciding to quit is a great thing to do, I hope you do. Having decided you need a support plan, SR is great and there are plenty of recovery paths to:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Whatever you decide, hang around here for a while and join in, what have you got to lose?
Deciding to quit is a great thing to do, I hope you do. Having decided you need a support plan, SR is great and there are plenty of recovery paths to:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Whatever you decide, hang around here for a while and join in, what have you got to lose?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome to our family, Virg. You are definitely not alone anymore. You'll find many helpful people here who understand just how you feel.
You've taken a brave first step by recognizing what you need to do - and posting here should help relieve some of the anxiety you're feeling. There are many ways to approach getting sober - I know you'll find one that's just right for you.
Keep reading and posting - we want to help.
You've taken a brave first step by recognizing what you need to do - and posting here should help relieve some of the anxiety you're feeling. There are many ways to approach getting sober - I know you'll find one that's just right for you.
Keep reading and posting - we want to help.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Central New Jersey, USA
Posts: 1,345
Hey Virg - you are definitely not alone. I wish I could give you some great advice but I am just starting out myself. I am a older than you and just really recognized the extent of my problem. You are ahead of me in that regard. That does eem to be the first step. Now you have to act on your realization. I am not one for AA either but I certainly have not ruled it out. I think you should look aroung the forums here and keep an open mind as to all the methods suggested. I will send good thoughts your way
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: indiana, indiana
Posts: 17
I recently decided it was time to quit. Very difficult for me because that is how we socialize in my area. There isn't much to do here, so everyone "goes out for a drink". Well my depression, mixed with booze, mixed with stress, mixed with numerous other things sent to me to the point of almost giving up my kids. Thankfully my doctor put me on some depression meds and when they started working, the thought processes in my head became clearer. I think controlling the depression has helped me control other aspects of my life. I switched the drinking for cleaning my house, attacking that endless to do list, and going to the gym. Going to the gym isn't my thing. In fact I have everything I need right here in my own fitness room! But it's getting me out of the house, I'm hoping to meet some people that are also into fitness. Also, fitness increases endorphins and causes all sorts of positive affects on your body. I also came clean. I told my parents I was an alcoholic and a few of the horrible things I've done recently. It makes it real and gives you sense of responsibility. You are still very young I'm substantially older! You have time to focus on you and then worry about relationships. Wouldn't it be great to have a relationship based on an authentic you, not a drunk you? I'm looking forward to that day! Get yourself some help ASAP, especially for the depression. And good luck. This site has helped me because I voice whats going on in my crazy head and no one will judge me and everyone is super supportive. I also use the blog to help me. I think throughout the day how I can end my night with a great post to my blog and have one more sober day under my belt! Good Luck and take care of you.
I'm substantially older! You have time to focus on you and then worry about relationships. Wouldn't it be great to have a relationship based on an authentic you, not a drunk you? I'm looking forward to that day! Get yourself some help ASAP, especially for the depression. And good luck. This site has helped me because I voice whats going on in my crazy head and no one will judge me and everyone is super supportive. I also use the blog to help me. I think throughout the day how I can end my night with a great post to my blog and have one more sober day under my belt! Good Luck and take care of you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 457
I think you just described about 90% of us here.
I am happy you are here and taking this first step.
I strongly suggest AA, it's what saved my life, and marriage.
There is nothing to be ashamed of there, it's your safety zone.
You will never meet a better group of men and women.
We all want the same thing you want, we are all in this together.
Best wishes to you!
I am happy you are here and taking this first step.
I strongly suggest AA, it's what saved my life, and marriage.
There is nothing to be ashamed of there, it's your safety zone.
You will never meet a better group of men and women.
We all want the same thing you want, we are all in this together.
Best wishes to you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: US
Posts: 34
Thanks for the valid and positive suggestions everyone. I am going to listen and stick around and check out the forum, and get to an AA meeting. Also, I apologize, I accidentally posted this thread twice, I think it happened from pressing the back button on my browser.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 129
Virg, we're in the same boat. I went to an AA meeting and went out drinking after. Talk about stupid! My wife wants me to "control" my drinking but she still drinks. Everyone in my family drinks.
My last 2 AA meetings have been very productive. If you haven't been to a meeting I would try going that route. Just know that there are many people there who are there because they have to be, not because they want to be. So much support to be had.
Also, these forums are very helpful. These fine people have listened to my rants, given good advice, and haven't judged me. Good luck!
My last 2 AA meetings have been very productive. If you haven't been to a meeting I would try going that route. Just know that there are many people there who are there because they have to be, not because they want to be. So much support to be had.
Also, these forums are very helpful. These fine people have listened to my rants, given good advice, and haven't judged me. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Sydney, NSW
Posts: 104
Hang in there Virg! This is my first post too. I have been sober for 136 days a day at a time.
Your post had me saying "oh crap...I did that...oh man..know how that feels....oh damn I did that too" and on and on. Don't spend any time wondering what you are going to do when you get sober. Just get sober. Life is not only not boring it is comparatively calm and serene. There's still lots of heavy and kind of weird stuff that happens in your life but you deal with it with a clear head and a whole different perspective on things. You become dependable not only to others but more importantly to yourself. Your curiosity about life will start to re-emerge. Food will taste better. Things start to make sense and seem as simple as they really are.
You will become productive and motivated. Life for me became so much easier. All those crappy inexplicable little things that would happen to me don't happen. The mystery injuries disappear. The vomit on shoes you wore last week are not there when you go to put them on again. you don't spend endless periods rationalising marginal behaviour to yourself when you're drunk. You won't cringe when you hear a police siren in the background or on TV. Your friends and family suddenly start re-appearing. You repair things around the place that otherwise stay broken and bug you. You feed and worry about your pets. You suddenly have way more money. You can operate a keyboard without missing a key due to the shakes and can carry a cup of tea from one side of the room to another. You start to have opinions on things that are not irrational or strangely based on fear or anger. You become attractive to the opposite sex. Your laundry gets done. You no longer have a bookshelf full of DVDs that you can't remember the ending of. Your artistic bent re-emerges with a vengence. Your hobbies that you don't have start to re-appear. You do new things. You read books you otherwise would never read, actually finish them and have an opinion on them. You sleep like a God every night. You put your bins out. You make people laugh. You stop creeping about in public. Library books get returned. The sun shines and you stop feeling like you're loosing control of your bladder. Well that's the way it is for me and pretty much every other problem drinker that I know. You also start to realise that you are no more messed up thn the average person on the street or in an AA meeting. It gets better....it really does.
I suggest you gather what courage you are able to and go and see your Dr. Don't have one?....find one. Flop the whole damn thing out onto the table and I mean the whole wretched thing. Whichever Dr you go to WILL have heard it all before thousands of times. When I went to my Doc he not only completely understood but turns out he was an alcoholic himself. You may feel unique but trust me you're not when it comes to booze messing with you. Take the remainder of your courage and go to an AA meeting. Every soul that has walked into those doors has felt just as you will when you first walk in. Every single one of them. Listen and listen good. You will hear lots of things that you didn't do and believe you would never do. You will also hear lots of things you have done and felt. I've always thought that if there was one way of going insane it's sitting in AA meetings saying the same thing over and over again "I've done that...I've done that...Oh Ive done that too"
I would never in a million years contemplate suicide...but I did at the end of my drinking. That's how twisted the mind gets when over fueled with booze. Shear madness.
Mate it does get better. It really does and it will for you too. It may not feel like it on some days but it does. And it is so worth looking forward to and working for.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
Deluxe
Your post had me saying "oh crap...I did that...oh man..know how that feels....oh damn I did that too" and on and on. Don't spend any time wondering what you are going to do when you get sober. Just get sober. Life is not only not boring it is comparatively calm and serene. There's still lots of heavy and kind of weird stuff that happens in your life but you deal with it with a clear head and a whole different perspective on things. You become dependable not only to others but more importantly to yourself. Your curiosity about life will start to re-emerge. Food will taste better. Things start to make sense and seem as simple as they really are.
You will become productive and motivated. Life for me became so much easier. All those crappy inexplicable little things that would happen to me don't happen. The mystery injuries disappear. The vomit on shoes you wore last week are not there when you go to put them on again. you don't spend endless periods rationalising marginal behaviour to yourself when you're drunk. You won't cringe when you hear a police siren in the background or on TV. Your friends and family suddenly start re-appearing. You repair things around the place that otherwise stay broken and bug you. You feed and worry about your pets. You suddenly have way more money. You can operate a keyboard without missing a key due to the shakes and can carry a cup of tea from one side of the room to another. You start to have opinions on things that are not irrational or strangely based on fear or anger. You become attractive to the opposite sex. Your laundry gets done. You no longer have a bookshelf full of DVDs that you can't remember the ending of. Your artistic bent re-emerges with a vengence. Your hobbies that you don't have start to re-appear. You do new things. You read books you otherwise would never read, actually finish them and have an opinion on them. You sleep like a God every night. You put your bins out. You make people laugh. You stop creeping about in public. Library books get returned. The sun shines and you stop feeling like you're loosing control of your bladder. Well that's the way it is for me and pretty much every other problem drinker that I know. You also start to realise that you are no more messed up thn the average person on the street or in an AA meeting. It gets better....it really does.
I suggest you gather what courage you are able to and go and see your Dr. Don't have one?....find one. Flop the whole damn thing out onto the table and I mean the whole wretched thing. Whichever Dr you go to WILL have heard it all before thousands of times. When I went to my Doc he not only completely understood but turns out he was an alcoholic himself. You may feel unique but trust me you're not when it comes to booze messing with you. Take the remainder of your courage and go to an AA meeting. Every soul that has walked into those doors has felt just as you will when you first walk in. Every single one of them. Listen and listen good. You will hear lots of things that you didn't do and believe you would never do. You will also hear lots of things you have done and felt. I've always thought that if there was one way of going insane it's sitting in AA meetings saying the same thing over and over again "I've done that...I've done that...Oh Ive done that too"
I would never in a million years contemplate suicide...but I did at the end of my drinking. That's how twisted the mind gets when over fueled with booze. Shear madness.
Mate it does get better. It really does and it will for you too. It may not feel like it on some days but it does. And it is so worth looking forward to and working for.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
Deluxe
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Sunny Florida
Posts: 304
I have been there..I have also read alot of posts and heard a lot of stories but yours made me so sad. You can do this..We are all in the same boat with the struggle you have.
At the beginning I read posts on here non stop..anything to keep from drinking.
It has saved me a lot of times
Please come back and read..also the chat room can be fun.
Pook
At the beginning I read posts on here non stop..anything to keep from drinking.
It has saved me a lot of times
Please come back and read..also the chat room can be fun.
Pook
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: BC
Posts: 410
Welcome and best of luck Virg. Stick around, read, post. I always kind of took the phrase "you are not alone in this" as a happy touchy feely thing, a standard line meaning you'll find some support. Then I actually started to read here and it was how many other people were in my exact same situation at the exact same time that I realized what "you are not alone in this" actually meant.
You said you are embarassed about the drinking all the time being in a small town and word gets around, it couldn't be any less embarassing to have those same people know you had started going to meetings, probably the opposite of embarassing in a lot of ways.
You said you are embarassed about the drinking all the time being in a small town and word gets around, it couldn't be any less embarassing to have those same people know you had started going to meetings, probably the opposite of embarassing in a lot of ways.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Your fear of going to a first AA meeting is nearly universal. Just know that everyone there also walked into a first meeting. With the way you drink, you are sure to find a lot of kindred spirits there. There is nothing to be embarrassed about, at least not about walking through that door.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Welcome Virg,
Glad you found SR. You will find great people on this site full of wisdom and support. Deciding to stop isn't easy, and I know I have needed as many supports as possible.
Spend some time reading and posting and you will get lots of ideas about different support programs. Checking in here daily has been really helpful for me.
Looking forward to seeing you on SR!
Glad you found SR. You will find great people on this site full of wisdom and support. Deciding to stop isn't easy, and I know I have needed as many supports as possible.
Spend some time reading and posting and you will get lots of ideas about different support programs. Checking in here daily has been really helpful for me.
Looking forward to seeing you on SR!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Virg -
I'm glad you reached out today. I couldn't get sober on my own either..... I promised myself every morning I wouldn't drink that day and by 5:00 I was on the way to the liquor store for a bottle of wine.
We know what's it like. The anxiety and depression are awful and it easy to lose hope, but with help and support, you can do this. Keep reading and posting!:ghug3
I'm glad you reached out today. I couldn't get sober on my own either..... I promised myself every morning I wouldn't drink that day and by 5:00 I was on the way to the liquor store for a bottle of wine.
We know what's it like. The anxiety and depression are awful and it easy to lose hope, but with help and support, you can do this. Keep reading and posting!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: FL
Posts: 1,072
Welcome Virge! SR is wonderful. Please read and post often. We have all walked down your path....slightly different, but yet the same.
I was embarrassed to go to AA also. It took me 6 months sober to finally go!what a relief it was to see a room full of people who were just like me. Get the Big Book and check it out. If AA isn't your thing, there are other plans too. Just do it.
Life is not boring...but it took me a while sober to figure that out.
Hang in there. We are pulling for ya.
I was embarrassed to go to AA also. It took me 6 months sober to finally go!what a relief it was to see a room full of people who were just like me. Get the Big Book and check it out. If AA isn't your thing, there are other plans too. Just do it.
Life is not boring...but it took me a while sober to figure that out.
Hang in there. We are pulling for ya.
Autobrew Anon Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 599
virg - welcome to SR!
i think you will see by the responses that you are not alone, that others have went thru similar things.... also myself. i have made a complete fool of myself drinking and i also live in a smaller town. i don't know if ppl have thoughts about me or not. i try not to dwell on any of that. also if you felt awkward or nervous posting the first time, now it is over and look at the welcome you received :ghug3
i'm not so much into AA, but i have been to meetings before (another side effect of my drinking ending badly some years ago) i seriously think that you will find the same kinship in an AA meeting as you did here. i certainly did the few times i went. and after you go the first time....well then that will be over, won't it? it seems from your post that AA is something you really want to try, so i guess you have to ask is it worth the first-time awkwardness to see if it would help?
i hope all goes well with your new therapist - come back and let everyone know how it went
i think you will see by the responses that you are not alone, that others have went thru similar things.... also myself. i have made a complete fool of myself drinking and i also live in a smaller town. i don't know if ppl have thoughts about me or not. i try not to dwell on any of that. also if you felt awkward or nervous posting the first time, now it is over and look at the welcome you received :ghug3
i'm not so much into AA, but i have been to meetings before (another side effect of my drinking ending badly some years ago) i seriously think that you will find the same kinship in an AA meeting as you did here. i certainly did the few times i went. and after you go the first time....well then that will be over, won't it? it seems from your post that AA is something you really want to try, so i guess you have to ask is it worth the first-time awkwardness to see if it would help?
i hope all goes well with your new therapist - come back and let everyone know how it went
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 642
Originally Posted by Virg 
I don't know what I will do when I quit drinking. I can't drive, and there are very few things to do in this town. That makes it a lot harder, because I end up sitting alone, sober and bored, and eventually break down and get drunk...I don't know what to do...
Pick up an e-hobby. The internet is endless. Watch videos on whatever interests you. Pick up a video game. When you feel like having that first drink, grab a glass of water and watch random videos on Youtube instead.
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