AA meetings/groups that only take.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 47
AA meetings/groups that only take.....
I attend a good part of my meetings in a half way/transitional house near me.
It's the closest meeting and fits into my schedule easily. Also I go and try to give back, because this meeting and the group that was there at the time I became sober helped me make it. They saved my life really.
Lately this meeting has lost all 'outsiders' and there's just me and maybe 3 others who pop in every once in a while.It is very rare that I'll 'get' anything out of a meeting, other than remembering 'where I came from' and do my best to help out those who are really there for recovery. 80%+ are there to get the courts off their backs.
I also try to attend meetings at noon, or later in the evening with another great group not too much farther away. But as it's getting dark earlier, and I have a hard time seeing good at night, the later meetings aren't as often for me. I get a lot out of these meetings and try to 'share' what I learn at the half way house when topics or situations are brought up.
I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that many there don't want to be sober and just screw around at these meetings. They actually degrade some of the people there trying to recover and are quite harsh sometimes.
I will always say something positive and try to help out the one on the receiving end of these 'attacks'.
The few that are staff there that are in recovery attend meetings and also do their part to 'keep things in line'. When I mentioned to them that I may quit attending these meetings they replied, "Dave you don't take any sheet from these folks and give it right back. The ones here that want recovery rely on you being here and helping, bringing up topics that deal with sobriety and not caving in."
Many times the staff in recovery aren't able to make meetings because of situations.
Now I know I have not a lot of time sober, just over a year, but my sobriety is a quality one, that's what the old timers at the other meeting tell me. I'm dead serious about never drinking again and do truly love my new life.
I know this is not really a 'normal', what ever that is, situation, but any input would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
It's the closest meeting and fits into my schedule easily. Also I go and try to give back, because this meeting and the group that was there at the time I became sober helped me make it. They saved my life really.
Lately this meeting has lost all 'outsiders' and there's just me and maybe 3 others who pop in every once in a while.It is very rare that I'll 'get' anything out of a meeting, other than remembering 'where I came from' and do my best to help out those who are really there for recovery. 80%+ are there to get the courts off their backs.
I also try to attend meetings at noon, or later in the evening with another great group not too much farther away. But as it's getting dark earlier, and I have a hard time seeing good at night, the later meetings aren't as often for me. I get a lot out of these meetings and try to 'share' what I learn at the half way house when topics or situations are brought up.
I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that many there don't want to be sober and just screw around at these meetings. They actually degrade some of the people there trying to recover and are quite harsh sometimes.
I will always say something positive and try to help out the one on the receiving end of these 'attacks'.
The few that are staff there that are in recovery attend meetings and also do their part to 'keep things in line'. When I mentioned to them that I may quit attending these meetings they replied, "Dave you don't take any sheet from these folks and give it right back. The ones here that want recovery rely on you being here and helping, bringing up topics that deal with sobriety and not caving in."
Many times the staff in recovery aren't able to make meetings because of situations.
Now I know I have not a lot of time sober, just over a year, but my sobriety is a quality one, that's what the old timers at the other meeting tell me. I'm dead serious about never drinking again and do truly love my new life.
I know this is not really a 'normal', what ever that is, situation, but any input would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
This isn't a normal situation but it is not uncommon either. People end up in the rooms of AA for whatever reason. Some get pressured by their family, some get pressured by the courts. The only thing you can do is just hope and pray that the people who aren't getting it 'get it' whether they want to or not. The rooms are a very good place to strip people of their cockyness and turn it into humility. You are providing a brilliant service by going there. And if just one of these people gets something from it then it would have all been worth it.
Natom.
Natom.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Indiana
Posts: 706
Dts,
Yeah, we ran into this with court orders at our club. One of the members spoke to the judge that orders AA and suggested that maybe he send the to "open" meetings if they are only there to get a slip signed. Most of the quality sobriety as well as the quality newcomers have picked up on this and choose to go to the closed meetings. The difference is night and day.
My sponsor tells me of the days when court orders with papers to be signed were signed at the very beginning of the meeting, and then told they are free to leave, because the group agreed that if somebody did not want to be there, it's probably not helpful for anybody.
If you do not feel that you are getting quality sobriety at these meetings, I'd shop around for something else. Who knows, the dynamics might change in 6 months or a year and you can go back. I see this at the jail. I volunteer to chair meetings at our county jail, and the groups have different dynamics. Sometimes the sobriety is quality, sometimes not, sometimes a mix.
The important thing is: Keep going to meetings.
Peace,
Zube
Yeah, we ran into this with court orders at our club. One of the members spoke to the judge that orders AA and suggested that maybe he send the to "open" meetings if they are only there to get a slip signed. Most of the quality sobriety as well as the quality newcomers have picked up on this and choose to go to the closed meetings. The difference is night and day.
My sponsor tells me of the days when court orders with papers to be signed were signed at the very beginning of the meeting, and then told they are free to leave, because the group agreed that if somebody did not want to be there, it's probably not helpful for anybody.
If you do not feel that you are getting quality sobriety at these meetings, I'd shop around for something else. Who knows, the dynamics might change in 6 months or a year and you can go back. I see this at the jail. I volunteer to chair meetings at our county jail, and the groups have different dynamics. Sometimes the sobriety is quality, sometimes not, sometimes a mix.
The important thing is: Keep going to meetings.
Peace,
Zube
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 47
Thank you both for your input.
Zube, this is an open meeting and in the halfway house their program requires those that are not working to attend the meetings or get 'punished' for not being there.
I truly wish it could be sign the papers and get out. That would probably pretty much empty the room, but the few left would really benefit much more.
But thanks for the input.
And no worries, I'll probably never stop going to meetings. They are a big part of my sobriety and social interaction.
Zube, this is an open meeting and in the halfway house their program requires those that are not working to attend the meetings or get 'punished' for not being there.
I truly wish it could be sign the papers and get out. That would probably pretty much empty the room, but the few left would really benefit much more.
But thanks for the input.
And no worries, I'll probably never stop going to meetings. They are a big part of my sobriety and social interaction.
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
It would be interesting if the UK courts started handing out AA as a 'punishment' when people where charged with offences such as DUI's etc. Unfortunately in my area they send them to a local drug and alcohol service that is full of people who have been ordered to be there. I went there once, for about a month, on a day program. Only 2 of us were there by choice. The other people figured out they could use on certain days to avoid setting off the drug tests on Mondays and Fridays.
The quality of 'recovery' there wasn't very good. In fact they were promoting 'harm reduction' more than anything. I later found out this was linked to funding they were getting from the government. The more people they put on subutex/methadone the more money they got.
At least with AA you know the people who are making the meetings happen have good intentions.
Natom.
The quality of 'recovery' there wasn't very good. In fact they were promoting 'harm reduction' more than anything. I later found out this was linked to funding they were getting from the government. The more people they put on subutex/methadone the more money they got.
At least with AA you know the people who are making the meetings happen have good intentions.
Natom.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 47
In this case Natom, they're sometimes given the choice, 90 days in jail or 90 days in 'treatment'.
I've had to attend a 'class' when I got a dui. Was told to go home, with my paperwork signed of course, when the instructor asked "why do you drink? I like milk but I don't drink it a gallon at a time."
My reply was, "you're just not dedicated"
Smart arse remark and I was free to go. Most programs here really aren't worth the consideration of thought. As in the halfway house I'm speaking of. Some off the old timers who sobered up there have said to me in other places that it's not a place of recovery anymore, just a bank account for the owner. Sad............
I've had to attend a 'class' when I got a dui. Was told to go home, with my paperwork signed of course, when the instructor asked "why do you drink? I like milk but I don't drink it a gallon at a time."
My reply was, "you're just not dedicated"
Smart arse remark and I was free to go. Most programs here really aren't worth the consideration of thought. As in the halfway house I'm speaking of. Some off the old timers who sobered up there have said to me in other places that it's not a place of recovery anymore, just a bank account for the owner. Sad............
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Unfortunately you are always going to have people making money off of recovering addicts and alcoholics. This is especially the case with private treatment facilities. In my area there are two major players. One is very reasonable and charges £x amount for one month. The other place costs the same amount per week. So for a month long stay you end up paying four times as much as the other. Even with government programs it's mainly about the money. The more people they get on opiate substitutes the more money they get.
And in the midst of all this, in church halls all over the county, there's groups of people doing it all for free (well chucking a quid in the pot every now and then) and finding a new way to live....for free. It's just amazing isn't it.
Natom.
And in the midst of all this, in church halls all over the county, there's groups of people doing it all for free (well chucking a quid in the pot every now and then) and finding a new way to live....for free. It's just amazing isn't it.
Natom.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
There are two ways to look at your situation in IMO. One is I am very selfish in my sobriety. Anything that is moving me toward sobriety is a good thing anything away is bad. I usually avoid slip signer meetings because I do not feel they move me toward sobriety.
The second way to look at it is, "The hand of AA should always be there if some one wants it." Even at slip signing meetings there are a few people who really want to get sober and it is not fair to them if nobody with good sobreity is present.
Maybe this would work. Cut back on the questionable meeting but show up on a somewhat regular basis.
The second way to look at it is, "The hand of AA should always be there if some one wants it." Even at slip signing meetings there are a few people who really want to get sober and it is not fair to them if nobody with good sobreity is present.
Maybe this would work. Cut back on the questionable meeting but show up on a somewhat regular basis.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
one thing i must remember from the BB is what doc silkworth said: " the message that can intererest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight." from personal experience, i have found that to be true. sometimes the message that can get through the head of an alcoholic has to be brutally honest. it can be as easy as sayin, " if ya dont want to get sober, yer wasting valuable drinking time."
in working with others, it says "If he is not interested in your solution, if he expects you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees, you may have to drop him until he changes his mind. This he may do after he gets hurt some more........Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself. To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy."
so, i have to walk away.
IMO, it would be wise to mix up yer meetings some. get to some meetings structured around the program and also keep goin to them meetings. if you help one drunk get sober, its worth every second.
in working with others, it says "If he is not interested in your solution, if he expects you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees, you may have to drop him until he changes his mind. This he may do after he gets hurt some more........Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself. To spend too much time on any one situation is to deny some other alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy."
so, i have to walk away.
IMO, it would be wise to mix up yer meetings some. get to some meetings structured around the program and also keep goin to them meetings. if you help one drunk get sober, its worth every second.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Ah yes. This is one of the unfortunate outcomes of forcing people to attend meetings--especially the meetings of only ONE support group.
As with exercise, the approach that works for people is one they WANT to do and WILL do....not the one they are forced to do.
Folks who are forced will ruin it for the folks who want to be there.
When will we learn?
As with exercise, the approach that works for people is one they WANT to do and WILL do....not the one they are forced to do.
Folks who are forced will ruin it for the folks who want to be there.
When will we learn?
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by onlythetruth 
Ah yes. This is one of the unfortunate outcomes of forcing people to attend meetings--especially the meetings of only ONE support group.
As with exercise, the approach that works for people is one they WANT to do and WILL do....not the one they are forced to do.
Folks who are forced will ruin it for the folks who want to be there.
When will we learn?
As with exercise, the approach that works for people is one they WANT to do and WILL do....not the one they are forced to do.
Folks who are forced will ruin it for the folks who want to be there.
When will we learn?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: De
Posts: 1,333
In my first few years in AA, I kept one of those insane meetings you describe in my weekly rotation. Mainly because at one time, I was one of those people just there because the court said so. I guess something sunk in. I did it to help me. I had to cut back when I started working to improve my education. It was just one step along my journey.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
I found my meeting choice changes with my progress in sobriety. My sponsor suggests that I check my motives for attending certain meetings.
I still go back to those meetings that have a bunch of slip signers in them, but not as much as I had (it was making me crazy for a while so I had to stop) because something I say might help another decide to stay stopped (even if it's talking with them before or after the meeting), but I must work my 12 steps, specifically step 11, before I go to this particular meeting.
"No human power could relieve my alcoholism..."
I still go back to those meetings that have a bunch of slip signers in them, but not as much as I had (it was making me crazy for a while so I had to stop) because something I say might help another decide to stay stopped (even if it's talking with them before or after the meeting), but I must work my 12 steps, specifically step 11, before I go to this particular meeting.
"No human power could relieve my alcoholism..."
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 47
Thank you all for your input, I appreciate it greatly!
I'm cutting down on those meetings, I do attend other meetings 2-3 times a week.
This is a great group with a lot of old timers with 25+ years each. If I remember right, at the noon meeting there's usually over 300 yrs sobriety there. Can only make that one on rain days though. But the night meeting is also a real good one with a lot of sober time as well.
cfm, the way it was explained to me when I asked the same question was that I'm working my program, attending meetings, and enjoying my life. As well as helping others in AA, some older who just can't do some things, as well as volunteering at local blood drives, set up and tear down, and the SA food distribution. Also being there to listen and be a friend to the new comers as well as others who just need a friend.
I'm 'living the dream' as most people say in a sarcastic way. But in my opinion I really am!!! I'm happy and enjoy everything I do, yes even work, and know I'm blessed to have found AA when I decided it was time for me to quit for good.
I guess simply put, I'm not a dry drunk, miserable with life and not drinking anymore.
I'm cutting down on those meetings, I do attend other meetings 2-3 times a week.
This is a great group with a lot of old timers with 25+ years each. If I remember right, at the noon meeting there's usually over 300 yrs sobriety there. Can only make that one on rain days though. But the night meeting is also a real good one with a lot of sober time as well.
cfm, the way it was explained to me when I asked the same question was that I'm working my program, attending meetings, and enjoying my life. As well as helping others in AA, some older who just can't do some things, as well as volunteering at local blood drives, set up and tear down, and the SA food distribution. Also being there to listen and be a friend to the new comers as well as others who just need a friend.
I'm 'living the dream' as most people say in a sarcastic way. But in my opinion I really am!!! I'm happy and enjoy everything I do, yes even work, and know I'm blessed to have found AA when I decided it was time for me to quit for good.
I guess simply put, I'm not a dry drunk, miserable with life and not drinking anymore.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Cleveland Ohio
Posts: 133
Sounds like your on the right track, sounds like your a good AA. Just a word of caution: When one joins AA the first 5 years are an apprenticeship,a person is new until they are 5 yrs sober. just learn don't judge just go. Don't concern yourself with how long your sobriety is. Concern yourself with how WIDE your sobriety is.................How many people have been allowed to feed off the precious gift you've been given???
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
Although I mostly agree with you I know a lot of people that were forced in (myself included) that heard the message and today are sober.
Otherwise it's like being told you have to get in shape by doing Power Yoga...those who would prefer to swim or lift weights are SOL!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((Dave)))))
I will tell you what was told to me a very long time ago by one of those "oldtimers." He used to talk and when he did he was facing the person and with every word would poke the person in the should with his long boney index finger.
"Laurie you may be the only example of a Big Book that someone ever sees so you better be damn sure it is a true and correct copy."
Whoa, that got me back on track and helped me to understand that no matter what the meeting was like, who was or wasn't there, who was listening or not listening, I had to be the BEST example of what I had learned so far and share my ES&H. And when I had that 'attitude' the meeting was a good meeting for me, no matter what.
J M H O
love and hugs,
I will tell you what was told to me a very long time ago by one of those "oldtimers." He used to talk and when he did he was facing the person and with every word would poke the person in the should with his long boney index finger.
"Laurie you may be the only example of a Big Book that someone ever sees so you better be damn sure it is a true and correct copy."
Whoa, that got me back on track and helped me to understand that no matter what the meeting was like, who was or wasn't there, who was listening or not listening, I had to be the BEST example of what I had learned so far and share my ES&H. And when I had that 'attitude' the meeting was a good meeting for me, no matter what.
J M H O
love and hugs,
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
I have been “in charge” of meetings (non AA) that had individuals who were mandated to attend. I however, was not mandated to include them if they were disruptive. Consider asking the staff at the transition home to change the rules and require permission to attend meetings. The only requirement for this permission being non-disruptive behavior in the AA meetings. If a resident is considered disruptive in meetings have staff withdraw permission for that individual to attend the meeting (keeping in place the consequences for nonattendance) .
A resident then has the choice of being non disruptive in the meeting or being denied permission to attend with its inherent consequences. Don’t allow these few to spoil an opportunity for others.
A resident then has the choice of being non disruptive in the meeting or being denied permission to attend with its inherent consequences. Don’t allow these few to spoil an opportunity for others.
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