Loopydays

Tonight I am tired of being a wife of a recently recovering alcoholic-
My 15 year old is more emotionally intelligent than him. My elder son is very depressed and suffering from some anxiety disorder- I spent an hour talking him down- my RAH meanwhile is watching television pretending nothing has happened. I am an ex smoker( gave up 3 months ago), but had one today because of the stress- only to be made feel I was letting him down, not myself.
Just once I would like to be able to be the child in the relationship- just once I would like to feel that I had a wingman at my back. But the Reality is this will never happen- have accepted that- just working on what action to take! Vent over- many thanks

inpieces314

Whatever you do, don't pick up that cigarette!

I think your situation is pretty common. The addicts seem to take that "I'm working on myself" to a whole new level, considering that while they were drinking they were pretty selfish as well. It's hard to explain.

I was talking to my coworker about the ABF wanting a cigarette from me a week ago, and I bought him a pack the day before, who knows where they went. She said I really can't be mad at him because he is sober and he is doing the right thing, so even if I can't afford it, suck it up and buy him the damn cigarettes.

No, sorry. I have kids to worry about, bills to worry about, and I am not about to lose it all because he is too lazy to go out and get an effing job to buy his own cigarettes! He should quit if he can't afford them!

Anyway. Yes, I know how you are feeling, and I know several other people who have described situations like that. Like if they pretend it's not happening then they don't have to deal with it. Same thing they did when drinking.

Loopydays

Thanks inpieces314-
I won't pick p another cigarettes!!! What made me especially mad is that like you I bought him the pack- he isn't working at the moment too.
He was selfish before, still selfish and will be,

dollydo

"My elder son is very depressed and suffering from some anxiety disorder."

A child who is exposed to addiction can suffer from anxiety and depression. They will carry their childhood into adulthood. I know, I was that child.

Peacegirl

Don't feel bad Loopydays, a few weeks back my son had an accident and needed to go to the ER. My RAH actually got quite pissed off that we were interrupting his day he had planned. Said this was cutting into his recovery. What the %#@&, your son just had an accident and could be seriously injured and you throw a tantrum! Just today as I was cleaning the house, he was watching t.v. the whole time. You would think this may spur him to help me out a bit but he sat there most of the day doing nothing. Others have told me that at the beginning of his recovery he will go to lots of meetings etc...and his recovery should be number one priority. I get this totally but does that mean he sits on his butt when he IS here?? Only positive thing I can say is that he did come to me after the hospital visit with my son to apologize and tell me he knows he is selfish. He has never said this before so I guess its progress but sure enough, next day he is displaying the same behavior. I know he has not emotionally matured since he has been drinking since the age of 14 and needs to start from there but it sure takes a load of patience, let me tell you! I can tell by your comments that you feel your needs come last most of the time as well. I can certainly relate. Everyone tells me how strong I am. I'm sick of being painted as the strong one because this really translates into my needs going unmet.
Looks like I'm venting too!