elite2010

hey i am new here and this would be the first time i have asked for info / help ever
i am 31 years old and i have been an active drinker since i was 14
i always looked older then i actually am so buying beer was never a problem
on my 14th birthday my mom handed me my first beer and i guess they thought it was funny to see me drunk so from then on every time i wanted a beer / vodka what ever all i had to do was ask .... if we didnt have it at the house then she would hand me money so i could go get some
and if she didnt then my sisters would give me vodka or jd ect ect
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as i said i am 31
alcohol has always been a big part of my family
both my sisters and my dad are still active drinkers altho i seem to blow past them as far as drinking goes
and i dont want to be like this any more
friday night i think was a turning point for me
i had some friends over as i drank ( 6 beers out side / 7 or 8 more inside ) then went on to the bar ( 4 more there ... then last thing i remember was doing shots at the bar )
i talked to the same friend yesterday and found out that after the vodka shots i started back on beer then moved on to the mixed shots

so as u can guess i wasn't feeling the best yesterday ... but that didnt stop me from drinking a 6 pack
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bottom line is i hate me
i dont want to be this way .. and i just want to stop
but it seems every time i am around alcohol i just grab it ... and start to power it back i feel like i am an embarrassment to my self and the people around me ..... its a horrible feeling to hate the reflection you see in the mirror im not a mean drunk and i dont get in to fights ( that i remember )
but still i just want to change my life

any info or help on where i should start would be great
its 10:16am and i haven't drank yet .... i want to but i am just going to try and keep my self busy and see how that works

Windancer

Good for you for posting and wanting a change. Nothing can change without that.
Since you have been drinking so much please dont hesitate to see a doctor if withdrawal gets scary.
Please come back and let us know how you make out.

TTBABP

I feel the same way - I also got a load on on Friday night. Had every intentions of not drinking at all then the booze was flowing. I am not yet in any position to give you advice but it seems that the take it one day at a time may be the best way to start - jut don't drink today! Good luck. Hope to see you around here

cat1961

Hi Elite!

Your story sounds very similar to mine. I know what you're going through and feel for you during the first day since I'm on Day 2 and feel a bit better than yesterday. Nonetheless, you need to focus on not drinking today and wake up tomorrow feeling fresher. Each day gets better and better.

If you get the urge, there are plenty of people here who know what you're going through and will offer so much support.

Keep posting - we're here for you.

elite2010

first of all i plan on sticking around here
its strange to see that other people are in a similar place when you have felt for so long that no one can understand how u feel

i have no idea what i am going to do today i seen to just be walking around the house ... but i did get all the alcohol i have left here and put it down the sink
the stupid thing is tho i feel like sh!t for doing that ....( is that normal ? )

this seems to be an amazing place tho and i just want to say thank you for taking the time answer on my problem

sugarbear1

do some searches on these (I can't put links to some, so I will not give a link to any, but they are easy to find on the internet):

Rational Recovery
AVRT
SMART
Women for Sobriety
Life Ring
AA

One of these has to click with you.
Then work it like it's about life or death because it's true.

With love & hugs,

cat1961

Elite - that was a great move to dump all the booze. I had done that last June when I quite drinking and it felt great. Of course, this last go around, I polished off everything Friday night and had a dry house yesterday am.

When I first joined SR a couple years ago I had nobody to turn to and was ashamed. This place had saved me in such a desperate time of need and stayed sober for months before relapsing again.

I do have to give you credit for walking around the house since I really didn't want to move yesterday with the feeling of death hanging over me. If you do have any bad withdrawals, don't hesitate to seek a doctor. Meanwhile, drink tons of water to flush the poison out of your system.

Fandy

when you wake up after NOT drinking the night before you might have a great sense of accomplishment too.

elite2010

that's my problem right now i feel ashamed and angry
and they both tie in to the same thing
i am ashamed for the way i am .. and i am angry because of the years i have drank away
as for water i have been drinking nothing but that

and tomorrow will be the first morning in a lllooonnnggg time i would have woke up with out drinking the night before
just feels like there is alot of hours in the day to get through

Windancer

I try not to look at my drinking years as a waste. Yes, I did many many damaging things I regret....but I learned a lot along the way. I try to think of it as lessons learned.

elite2010

i guess that's a good way to look at it .... thank you

bunny1961

I am an alcoholic. I don't crave bananas when I am around them, but I do when I see beer, liquor, wine. That is what I am. I now must not be aroun d it and change everything, or I will drink.

cat1961

Elite - I'll admit the shame is something that came naturally when I drank. And yes, there are a lot of hours to get through the day but if you can do it without drinking, you're making a big step towards your sobriety. It was scary for me to think, "OMG! What am I going to do if I can't drink?!" Well, you'll be surprised on everything around you've missed out on due to drinking. Life really comes together

The shame and anger will pass once you get to the true YOU. Give it a couple of days and keep coming back here.

GypsyHeart

welcome elite! answering your original post, i think you have already made a great start in being here at SR. some of your story could be mine. and i think you will find that a lot here - either you will see yourself in others' stories or it will be they understanding your story. and that is comforting to me and i hope to you, that you aren't alone or odd in things that have happened or how you feel.
when i first signed up (not so long ago) i spent a great amount of time surfing through posts here in different areas. also you will notice that there is a "new posts" link on the toolbar near the top of the forum. i always click on that to see what people are talking about here and click on posts that seem pertinent. don't feel backward about posting in conversations - i have found people to be very kind here, even when there are differing opinions.
i think the 2 biggest things that immediately pop up for people who are just starting to find their sobriety are: health and spirituality. Make sure to take care of yourself healthwise - most people find other drinks to replace what they have been drinking (tea, juice, water, etc) and exercise, go to the doctor if needed (really) and spirituality helps a lot of people to stay strong. find a program (there are lots of them explained here on the forum) or make your own. just do what works for you.
i also wanted to invite you to the gratitude threads, there are two that i visit every time i am here on SR: morning and bedtime gratitude. the people there are awesome. i find it helpful to consciously think of what is good.
again - welcome!

elite2010

GypsyHeart thanks for the post & the invite i will check it out
i do like it here so far ... and truth be told i guess i am in shock to see that there are other people out there who share the same problem as i do
i find that amazing because of the amount of time spent in feeling alone i only wish i found this place before now ... but 1 step at a time

Fernaceman

Incredible, huh. I felt I was the only person who felt this way, too. It's one of the things that kept me in the cycle of addiction. But then I found out I'm not alone, and there are people who have recovered and offer solutions on how to do so.

This is a great place to start.

cat1961

I found this site back in 2010 and would not have made it otherwise. I had seriously hit rock bottom and thank goodness I found SR. Daily postings and being accountable kept me going back then. I was a new person within no time but unfortunately about a year went by and I had relapsed.

Regardless of my mistakes in the past, I'm in the present and am going forward in a positive direction. So can you!

Dee74

Welcome Elite
There's a ton of support here - and here's some links to look at - if you're interested

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I also recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach

D

elite2010

thank you dee i will look in to it

Anna

Welcome, Elite!