Help needed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1
Help needed
I have been a binge alcoholic for at least 20years . I don't need to drink every day and can go for long periods without alcohol but when I do drink I am totally out of control and drink until I fall down. The gaps can be as long as 3months or as short as a week. I held down a high powered CEO job as a. CPA for 40 years until retirement 7 years ago my work was not affected a high performing alcoholic is how I've heard my condition called. My relationships have been affected and my wife has been supporting and loyal for over 20years I want solve this problem now - where do I go from here ? Two separate year long counselling sessions did not have a long term effect mainly because they did not seem to believe I had a problem
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 1,010
Hi Yorkshire tea & welcome to SR. I fought for a few months when I first joined this site. I found it difficult to accept labels. Now I don't care. Whatever you call it you have a problem with alcohol. I read a post here where someone only drank once to black out and then binged for weeks and stopped there and then.
I go to AA. I also read around AVRT for a balanced view. I visit this board daily and I'm on 5 weeks sober.
I drank like you describe for 15 years.
Keep reading and posting and drinking Yorkshire Tea. I'm off go a cup myself now lol
S x
I go to AA. I also read around AVRT for a balanced view. I visit this board daily and I'm on 5 weeks sober.
I drank like you describe for 15 years.
Keep reading and posting and drinking Yorkshire Tea. I'm off go a cup myself now lol
S x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
It sounds like you have finally taken the most important step: You've acknowledged that you have a problem and that you have to make a change. Any action or program you decide to try should be more effective now that you're being honest with yourself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR Yorkshire tea 
It was a relief to me to meet other alcoholics who also found that anyone who didn't have a problem with alcohol really didn't understand it. I thought I was going a bit nuts because I couldn't drink like normal people. Turns out I was just an alcoholic Keeping in contact with other alcoholics has really helped me stay stopped, along with various methods of recovery too.
Glad you're here x
It was a relief to me to meet other alcoholics who also found that anyone who didn't have a problem with alcohol really didn't understand it. I thought I was going a bit nuts because I couldn't drink like normal people. Turns out I was just an alcoholic
Keeping in contact with other alcoholics has really helped me stay stopped, along with various methods of recovery too.Glad you're here x
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 450
Welcome Yorkshire, so good to see you, you will find a lot of help and support on this site, it doesn't matter what way you drank, the main thing is that you don't want to drink again! I listen to AA speakers you can go to XA-Speakers - The lights are on! I find it very helpful listening to other people's stories. I also attend AA meetings and find these also very helpful, perhaps you could do a bit of research online and find your nearest meeting, they are held everyday and usually twice a day, you could attend your 1st meeting today...
We all do understand and wish you well on your journey to sobriety.... there is no better place.
We all do understand and wish you well on your journey to sobriety.... there is no better place.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 649
Welcome to SR Yorkshiretea!
I, unfortunately, was a daily drinker no matter if it was 4-5 beers or a whole 18 pack. My first step was coming back here and gathering support from others who share the same problem as many of us.
You have more willpower than me to go for weeks or months without drinking. That said, when you have that urge, head to a meeting or just jump on here.
Good luck to you!
I, unfortunately, was a daily drinker no matter if it was 4-5 beers or a whole 18 pack. My first step was coming back here and gathering support from others who share the same problem as many of us.
You have more willpower than me to go for weeks or months without drinking. That said, when you have that urge, head to a meeting or just jump on here.
Good luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
Welcome to SR you'll find much support here.
Where do you go from here? I'd say the best way to go is to stop entirely.
I was like you - I didn't drink every day when I quit. On average I drank once or twice a month, but more like once most of the time. I would drink until I could drink no more and wake up the next day with so much regret and hatred for myself. I would despise myself for the binge until the next one. I had a 'wake up call' you could say, and realised that it was no longer something I could take lightly... that I did in fact have a huge problem, regardless of the fact that I didn't drink every day.
I am so much happier and healthier now. It is so very worth it.
If alcohol is causing you mental or physical problems then you are better off without it. There are many routes you can take - you can do it alone, with the help of AA, Rational Recovery, SMART, etc.
Whatever way you choose to do this, SR is here for you - there is so much wisdom on these boards and lots and lots of encouragement.
you'll find much support here. Where do you go from here? I'd say the best way to go is to stop entirely.
I was like you - I didn't drink every day when I quit. On average I drank once or twice a month, but more like once most of the time. I would drink until I could drink no more and wake up the next day with so much regret and hatred for myself. I would despise myself for the binge until the next one. I had a 'wake up call' you could say, and realised that it was no longer something I could take lightly... that I did in fact have a huge problem, regardless of the fact that I didn't drink every day.
I am so much happier and healthier now. It is so very worth it.
If alcohol is causing you mental or physical problems then you are better off without it. There are many routes you can take - you can do it alone, with the help of AA, Rational Recovery, SMART, etc.
Whatever way you choose to do this, SR is here for you - there is so much wisdom on these boards and lots and lots of encouragement.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I think we can all get a bit hung up on labels.
We all have an image of an alcoholic in our minds.
I know I did.
How could it be me? I was not homeless I did not drink on the street. I was not a tramp. I work full time, get my tax return in on time, drive a company car, support a charity, run a home.
The fact is that image we have of the stereotypical alcoholic is probably the most extreme version.
It's not helpful to think like that because there are stages before that. People who are weekend drinkers. Mums that drink a large glass every night. People who cram 3 pints into their lunch break from the office.
I too, like you, spent thousands on a private counsellor trying to find out why I could not control my drinking once I started until I fell done drop dead drunk.
Fact was there was no special explanation.
The only explanation was I could not control my drinking once I started or I 'had that head on'.
I finally, 292 days ago realised that alcohol made me unhappy. It made me ashamed, it made me act like a plonker. It made me sad.
I did not need a label - binge drinker, alcohol abuser, alcoholic - it was enough to realise that alcohol made me sad. I am glad I arrived at this conclusion 292 days ago rather than taking 30 years to accept a definition.
There is also an understanding within recovery that is along the lines of it's not how much your drinking, but it's what happens when you drink. What you do, who you upset, what happens.
If you only ever have two drinks, but have regular run in's with the police, then there is a problem. If you always upset your wife when you drink, then that drinking is problematic.
Where would I go from now?
I would go to some AA meetings and listen and see if you can draw any similarities with whats being said and your experiences.
I would have a read of addictive voice recognition technique and see if that might help from now on.
I would read a lot here and understand there are many of us that feel the same and learn and share too.
Maybe have a look at Allan Carr's book on drinking too much and see if any of it makes any sense to you.
I hope you come here more.
My best too you.
We all have an image of an alcoholic in our minds.
I know I did.
How could it be me? I was not homeless I did not drink on the street. I was not a tramp. I work full time, get my tax return in on time, drive a company car, support a charity, run a home.
The fact is that image we have of the stereotypical alcoholic is probably the most extreme version.
It's not helpful to think like that because there are stages before that. People who are weekend drinkers. Mums that drink a large glass every night. People who cram 3 pints into their lunch break from the office.
I too, like you, spent thousands on a private counsellor trying to find out why I could not control my drinking once I started until I fell done drop dead drunk.
Fact was there was no special explanation.
The only explanation was I could not control my drinking once I started or I 'had that head on'.
I finally, 292 days ago realised that alcohol made me unhappy. It made me ashamed, it made me act like a plonker. It made me sad.
I did not need a label - binge drinker, alcohol abuser, alcoholic - it was enough to realise that alcohol made me sad. I am glad I arrived at this conclusion 292 days ago rather than taking 30 years to accept a definition.
There is also an understanding within recovery that is along the lines of it's not how much your drinking, but it's what happens when you drink. What you do, who you upset, what happens.
If you only ever have two drinks, but have regular run in's with the police, then there is a problem. If you always upset your wife when you drink, then that drinking is problematic.
Where would I go from now?
I would go to some AA meetings and listen and see if you can draw any similarities with whats being said and your experiences.
I would have a read of addictive voice recognition technique and see if that might help from now on.
I would read a lot here and understand there are many of us that feel the same and learn and share too.
Maybe have a look at Allan Carr's book on drinking too much and see if any of it makes any sense to you.
I hope you come here more.
My best too you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 611
Hey there,
Hopefully I dont sound like a Big Book thumper, but actually there is an interesting story in the Big Book toward the end about a guy who held down a good job and didn't have to face his alcohol problem until after he was semi-retired. Then things got out of control fast. This is a progressive thing. Unfortunately it keeps getting worse for most people who are truly alcoholics, never better.
For me, I have a program of recovery and lots of support. I try to do certain things
everyday, regardless of my physical or mental state, because I know those actions will help guard me against the urge to pick up a drink or a drug. I was a lot like you; I was not a daily drinker and often had dry periods. I even drank "normally" sometimes but toward the end, everytime I started I COULD NOT STOP. Blackouts became normal. Arrests and breakups and getting fired for poor performance at jobs became normal. Shows you that I wasn't really living or enjoying my consumption anymore. I was hiding from what a disaster my life had become.
I hope you can continue to stay sober. Me too. It's worth the fight.
Hopefully I dont sound like a Big Book thumper, but actually there is an interesting story in the Big Book toward the end about a guy who held down a good job and didn't have to face his alcohol problem until after he was semi-retired. Then things got out of control fast. This is a progressive thing. Unfortunately it keeps getting worse for most people who are truly alcoholics, never better.
For me, I have a program of recovery and lots of support. I try to do certain things
everyday, regardless of my physical or mental state, because I know those actions will help guard me against the urge to pick up a drink or a drug. I was a lot like you; I was not a daily drinker and often had dry periods. I even drank "normally" sometimes but toward the end, everytime I started I COULD NOT STOP. Blackouts became normal. Arrests and breakups and getting fired for poor performance at jobs became normal. Shows you that I wasn't really living or enjoying my consumption anymore. I was hiding from what a disaster my life had become.
I hope you can continue to stay sober. Me too. It's worth the fight.
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