inpieces314

I don't feel like rehashing. Long story short, the ABF went somewhere to look for a job, ended up with those people, places, and things that make him drink, and I haven't seen him since. Neighbors have told me he has been here, but I have not personally seen him.

Whether he is drinking or not, I don't care. What I do care about is that he would sit in my house all day while other people were watching the kids and I was working. It's one thing if he was out looking for a job, but at some point he gave up, and decided to mooch off me again.

I have done a lot of changing since he went to rehab, yet he says I have not. No, HE has not, he is jealous that I am working the program and it doesn't work for him, I have no burning desire to drink like he does, I have a job/house/car/whatever. What he fails to realize is that I have worked for all this. I have what I have because of ME. NOT because I have a girlfriend who has paid my bills while I checked out on life for a month (which was fine with me, as long as he got his **** together when he got out) and then decided to not get my **** together when I checked back in on life.

I am done. I am sorry it came to this, I am sorry I wasted thousands of dollars on him, but I can't help him unless he wants to help himself, which he wanted to do until the loser friends came back. And he is now one of those people places and things that I need to stay away from, because I will end up back down the road I was on myself.

I am not saying forever, but at this point, I am moving forward and he is staying still. I am not willing to move backward to meet him wherever he is, and he is not willing to move forward to meet me where I am, so therefore a relationship is impossible right now.

Tuffgirl

Such hard words to say, but so true. It really sucked to come to that conclusion myself last spring. I knew it for a long time, but didn't say it until last April. I remember the exact date, and that I was driving home from his house, where he had just berated me - again - and totally took my inventory. I actually said out loud - this is impossible right now, and I need to let this go - and it broke my heart.

But...8 months later (wow has it really been 8 months?) I am happy most of the day, everyday. I have moments where the anger flares again, but it never lasts long. I've been meeting new people and enjoying my life without the drama of addiction in it. I can say now that even though it was gut wrenching at the time, letting go was the best damn thing I have done for myself - EVER! Just let it go.

He chose divorce in June. I did nothing this time...agreed to everything and let it go.

Life is good.
~T