jstar

well I'm at the end of my outpatient road. been going since the end of August when i left rehab. relapsed after 102 days but am back at 21 days now.

tonight my husband said he was worried that a relapse would happen again if i'm not going to outpatient anymore...that makes me sad that he is worried about that. I really put him through alot of crap.

im just typing it outloud here so I can see it in black & white. i'm scared too.

Sapling

I left rehab and immersed myself in AA...Did the trick for me.

Anna

You're doing great, and I know my husband was worried a lot, too and it's very frustrating. You can do something about it though, and that is to show him every day that you are committed to recovery. Use the emotions you're feeling now to give you strength.

coffeenut

Yeah....early sobriety can be scary.

Keep coming back here. It really does help to keep your mind focused on sobriety.

In those early days, I wouldn't even go on vacation without taking SR with me.

Glad you are here!

jstar

thanks sapling ...I am i'm going to 1-2 meetings every day. I try to get there a little early & I stick around a bit after to chat. went out to dinner after the meeting this past Tuesday with a group from the meeting and that was nice to feel a-part-of meetings are what has been grounding me lately. my non-drinking "self" seems to be very shy & it's been a challenge to reach out...but i'm forcing myself to and it's helping

jstar

Thanks Anna I'm not really frustrated about it, really I'm just kinda sad that he is worried about me and that I've given him cause to worry about me. He said he thinks about what happened (my relapse that took me to the hospital & i almost died) every day and is really worried that it will happen again. He says he just doesn't think he could handle going through something like that again. I wish I could promise him that it will never happen again, and I pray it never does - but over the past few years my promises of not drinking have not always been truthful - gaining back that trust is really hard. I know in my heart that I don't want to drink again ever - that it's not an option for me. But I thought that same thought up until the last time I drank - it's like I can't even trust what comes out of my own mouth. I'm praying about that.
thanks for listening

laurie6781

(((((jstar)))))

Glad to hear you are attending meetings and going early!!!! That will help. Now
how about starting to listen real close to the Women that share so that you can
find a Sponsor to help 'guide' you through the steps.

Nothing like 'step work' to start to change one's attitudes deep down inside about
our ISM (I, Self, Me).

Also, I would suggest you stick close to SR. It has been a real help to a LOT OF
FOLKS to keep from picking up that first drink that starts a relapse.

Good to see you working on your recovery.

You might 'suggest' your hubby try some Alanon meetings for himself. He will
find others there who have gone through what he has gone through and will
help him understand and deal with 'his' fear. Not your fear, HIS fear.

Yes, it will be a while before you start to regain his 'trust' but trust will grow in
time as you stay sober and grow and change in your own right.

Welcome to Recovery!!!!!

Love and hugs,

Jeni26

Thinking of you jstar.
Just wanted you to know that it is really really worth it. Stay close to AA and SR.

Early recovery is hard and it is scary, but there are lots of people all over the world rooting for you. You can do this thing x

artsoul

I always felt guilty when other people worried about me, but I guess that's what people do when they love us. What's great is that you're dealing with all your feelings sober, even when they're not pleasant ones. It makes us stronger when we do that.

Hang in there - you're doing great!

Dee74

Glad you're back - hopefully in time your husband will see you're working hard on your recovery and there's nothing to worry about, jstar

D