dragon12

I was doing so well.....3 days without a drink then the demons told me that I was stressed and I needed a drink, so I got really drunk last night. Tonight I only had half a bottle of wine, but I could have easily had more, but it meant driving to buy some and I wasn't so drunk as to risk losing my lisence if caught. I now feel so ashamed and mad at myself, especially whenIi read that some people are months without a drink - I am such a failure, I need to get some help because doing it alone is not working.

liv1ce

I see that you have been here for a while but the struggle goes on. Have you tried AA or some type of support group. I went back and read through some of your other posts and it sounds as if the fact that your husband is your drinking buddy is not helping. It does not make it impossible but your efforts may be further sabotaged by not working as your days must drag on a bit. I'd want to be drunk all day long not just while cooking dinner. I think you are correct that some help and support would be better than trying to slug it out alone.

MrsKing

You are not a failure. Get that out of your head - negativity towards yourself only fuels the desire to escape with alcohol. Being stressed, angry, anxious, tired, hungry, bored - they can all be good 'reasons' for drinking, but until you decide that NO reason AT ALL is going to sway you, then you are going to have a hard time of it. Truly believing that no matter what life throws at you, you will deal with it sober, is totally essential. Stop thinking of alcohol as a reward - it isn't one. I see alcohol as an enemy to my happiness now and for that reason it doesn't occur to me to drink it when life gets tough, because I know life would get a whole lot tougher.

Changing how you view alcohol is so essential. Accepting what it does in reality, rather than romanticising it, can really, really lessen the struggle.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back at it. You can do this.

Dts

You're not a failure! None of us are, we are all on a path that will lead to a happy sober life. On each path there are some smooth spots and some muddy up hill climbs.
It must be difficult in your situation, a muddy spot right now, but instead of listening to the loud voices that tell us what they want us to do, drink. Listen to the still calm small voice that encourages us to do our best and succeed.

dragon12

No, I've never had any support, but I've reached the stage that I really do need the support and help. I've looked up AA groups close to where I live and there's a meeting on a Thursday morning so I may go next week.

I actually keep really busy during the day but I've just relocated to the area that I am living in and have yet to establish friends. Yes, I've been struggling for a couple of years now.

dragon12

You are so right, but you know when I am drinking I feel that I am really enjoying myself. However, the next morning when I am hung over, depressed and anxious and can't remember the night before I know just how destructive the alcohol is. I just need to get some help because I've gone beyond self help.

phoebe64

How about tonight, when you want a drink, you come and post here, and we try to get you through it. Just stay stopped for now. Sort out the meetings and such as you can. No meeting until next Thursday? Can you find any sooner? And what a great way to set up a social network, with new sober friends. You need some support. Use us for now.

I only have 8 days today, but this place rocks. I sit and read and post and it helps. You can do this.

neway55

Your not a failure! This is hard and it can take time. Just don't give up and don't give in.
Also, never feel that you are alone in this journey. There is unlimited support here.

Sapling

What a great place to meet some new friends. You'll be in a place where you all have something in common. You all want to learn to live without what is destroying your life...Alcohol. I found out the only thing I had in common with my old friends was....We got drunk. I think it's worth a try. It worked for me. Here is a copy of the Big Book online....It's what AA is about...See if you can relate to it.

The text of Alcoholics Anonymous

You have friends here....Do some reading and ask some questions.

dragon12

Well done - 8 days!
Yes I'm determined to try again.....I'm not giving up! I'll take your advise and the next time 5 o'clock hits and I'm craving for a glass of wine I'll set some time aside to go on SR first.

dragon12

Thanks Sapling, everyone is so kind and supportive on this site. I'm certainly going to give up.

MIRecovery

I have tremendous respect for people that can quit on their own. Unfortunately I am not one of them. I gave it the old college try many times and failed miserably. When I found AA I found people that understood and had a solution that I never could find on my own.

AdanteFornax

Well done on realising that things are becoming a problem. Can I make one suggestion ?

Change that may for a will . Positive words become positive actions

Ads

2granddaughters

I'm not sure "respect" is the right word. I believe it's more of ability than decision

Some who come here are problem drinkers/hard drinkers and many are alcoholics of the sort described in AA's "The Doctors Opinion" and "How It Works".

If you quit drinking on your own and all your problems are solved... great.
If you quit drinking and that's when your problems really started, then AA is for you.

If you are an alcoholic "of my (AA's) sort" you will need the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The deciding factor is to be honest with one's self and admit which category you are and commit to the right program. To not "fool ourselves".

All the best.

Bob R

Mulch

I think most of us have had the struggle ... tried-failed-tried-failed, etc..... the key is trying again, and keep trying. I think each time we learn something about ourselves, and move on from there.

Don't think "fail" ... think "tried and learned, and trying again" ... and Good for you for recognizing your behaviour, and moving forward!

Also, congrats for not drinking and driving (from someone who did way too many times to ever count, and ultimately, finally, and rightly so got caught this fall).

TTBABP

I can't give you any practical advice yet as I am in the same boat as you but I can let you know that there are so many of us out there and here - that keeping trying but have not yet quite gotten it. I am going to try to stay on course and will hope that you find a way to do so. Keep posting - the good, the bad and the ugly and hopefully someday good will be the major theme (for all of us)

MIRecovery

Aint that the truth. Take the numbing agent out of the mix and things get very interesting very fast.