Out in the real world
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Out in the real world
Ok, tonight is the first time I'm venturing out of the little safe haven I've created for myself. Away from my alcohol free house, away from my support network.
I'm going to a party with my old drinking crowd. Serious heavy hardened drinkers.
A very dear (alcoholic) friend of mine is retiring from work and I'm going to celebrate with her. She and I used to be drinking buddies. I was always blackout drunk when I was with her and she has seen the worst of me and still loved me because I guess she's just the same. Except she's still drinking and I'm not.
I'm prepared. I've turned down the offer of staying overnight at hers. I'm driving. I've told her I'm not drinking. She's ignored all that and made me up a spare bed...just in case.
I'm nervous but determined.
Last time I stayed at hers I ended up in hospital.
Never ever again.
This is probably the biggest test to my resolve yet. 6 months sober. Guess it had to come.
I'm an alcoholic. And I don't drink.
I'm going to a party with my old drinking crowd. Serious heavy hardened drinkers.
A very dear (alcoholic) friend of mine is retiring from work and I'm going to celebrate with her. She and I used to be drinking buddies. I was always blackout drunk when I was with her and she has seen the worst of me and still loved me because I guess she's just the same. Except she's still drinking and I'm not.
I'm prepared. I've turned down the offer of staying overnight at hers. I'm driving. I've told her I'm not drinking. She's ignored all that and made me up a spare bed...just in case.
I'm nervous but determined.
Last time I stayed at hers I ended up in hospital.
Never ever again.
This is probably the biggest test to my resolve yet. 6 months sober. Guess it had to come.
I'm an alcoholic. And I don't drink.
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Yeah like Dee said it sounds like have thoroughly thought about every aspect of the situation. Sometimes we end up hanging around in our old packs. It's a nice feeling for us to let them see the new person we have become.
Natom.
Natom.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Wales UK
Posts: 859
Jen, Enjoy your evening. It can only help you stay sober in the long run. Best thing you will be able to pick your time to leave knowing that it's your choice. You won't have a problem though you may be tested and we know you'll pass the challenge .
Love
John.
Love
John.
Member
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: uk
Posts: 725
jen your doing fab,,, i had my 1st last wk,, and i felt ever so proud of myself for not having a drink in hadn,, well i did have a bottle of 7up!!!
it was sad to see those who were drunk and being stupid,, but i just kept thinking to myself,,, "im cool,, i dont drink,, i dont need or want one,, im sooooooooooooooooo cool"
you can do it hun,,, yes you can,,,
good luck ,, let us know how it goes hun
x lv cleo xxxx
it was sad to see those who were drunk and being stupid,, but i just kept thinking to myself,,, "im cool,, i dont drink,, i dont need or want one,, im sooooooooooooooooo cool"
you can do it hun,,, yes you can,,,
good luck ,, let us know how it goes hun
x lv cleo xxxx
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Jeni
You have displayed a great amount of strength over these last six months. That strength is deep with in you. It's nothing that this gesture to your friend can challenge.
Go. And I am sure when you return and have seen what was, you will have even more strength to carry you another 6 months!
All my best to you!
Ken
You have displayed a great amount of strength over these last six months. That strength is deep with in you. It's nothing that this gesture to your friend can challenge.
Go. And I am sure when you return and have seen what was, you will have even more strength to carry you another 6 months!
All my best to you!
Ken
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
This is from the Big Book...Pages 101 and 102.
So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.
You will note that we made an important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!
Why sit with a long face in places where there is drinking, sighing about the good old days. If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business enthusiastically. If you are with a person who wants to eat in a bar, by all means go along. Let your friends know they are not to change their habits on your account. At a proper time and place explain to all your friends why alcohol disagrees with you. If you do this thoroughly, few people will ask you to drink. While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting back into the social life of this world. Don't start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor.
Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed.
I'd say...Have fun.
So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.
You will note that we made an important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!
Why sit with a long face in places where there is drinking, sighing about the good old days. If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business enthusiastically. If you are with a person who wants to eat in a bar, by all means go along. Let your friends know they are not to change their habits on your account. At a proper time and place explain to all your friends why alcohol disagrees with you. If you do this thoroughly, few people will ask you to drink. While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting back into the social life of this world. Don't start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor.
Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed.
I'd say...Have fun.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Thank you. I wanted to post so I'm accountable.
This woman is really dear to me. She looked after me in periods of my life when I was seriously depressed and couldn't see a way forward. She used to make me lunch when I couldn't eat. She loved me when I was full of self loathing. She has held my hand through my darkest hours.
I want to share in her happiness at retiring but I no longer want to share in the drinking.
She knows nothing of my alcoholism or why I've quit. I've made up an excuse as to why I'm not drinking tonight.
I would love her to quit too. Her health isn't great and I worry she is killing herself. Maybe tonight I will be honest and share my story without judgement. Maybe. But tonight is about her. I am there for her as she has been for me.
It will be ok.
This woman is really dear to me. She looked after me in periods of my life when I was seriously depressed and couldn't see a way forward. She used to make me lunch when I couldn't eat. She loved me when I was full of self loathing. She has held my hand through my darkest hours.
I want to share in her happiness at retiring but I no longer want to share in the drinking.
She knows nothing of my alcoholism or why I've quit. I've made up an excuse as to why I'm not drinking tonight.
I would love her to quit too. Her health isn't great and I worry she is killing herself. Maybe tonight I will be honest and share my story without judgement. Maybe. But tonight is about her. I am there for her as she has been for me.
It will be ok.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
Originally Posted by Sapling 
This is from the Big Book...Pages 101 and 102.
So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.
You will note that we made an important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!
Why sit with a long face in places where there is drinking, sighing about the good old days. If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business enthusiastically. If you are with a person who wants to eat in a bar, by all means go along. Let your friends know they are not to change their habits on your account. At a proper time and place explain to all your friends why alcohol disagrees with you. If you do this thoroughly, few people will ask you to drink. While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting back into the social life of this world. Don't start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor.
Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed.
I'd say...Have fun.
So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.
You will note that we made an important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!
Why sit with a long face in places where there is drinking, sighing about the good old days. If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business enthusiastically. If you are with a person who wants to eat in a bar, by all means go along. Let your friends know they are not to change their habits on your account. At a proper time and place explain to all your friends why alcohol disagrees with you. If you do this thoroughly, few people will ask you to drink. While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting back into the social life of this world. Don't start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor.
Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others, so never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the most sordid spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed.
I'd say...Have fun.
And so do we!
This is exactly what came to mind when I read the opneing post.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Jeni you'll do just fine. Your attitude is excellent and I'm glad you're going to be there for your friend. That's so important. Maybe she will see in you something that strikes a chord about her own drinking. My favorite drinking buddy of all time quit years ago and I remember thinking "if she can do it so can I". She is a source of strength in weak moments-maybe you will be the same for your friend.
Enjoy the party and let us know how it goes. Have some fun
Enjoy the party and let us know how it goes. Have some fun
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I'm home. It was a good evening apart from the last hour which was as long as it took me to get shoes and coats onto 2 of my friends and get them into my car to drive them home. I took lots and lots of teasing about drinking orange juice, in fact it seemed to be the hot topic of conversation all night! Lots of reminders of past drunken behaviour which I shrugged off. None of it affected me at all.
My friend talked about her own drinking a lot. I could tell she was torn between being sad that I wasn't drinking with her and being proud that I'd given up for so long.
She admitted to me that she didnt think she could ever quit. She asked about how not drinking had affected my marriage.
She asked why I had quit and I told her the truth.
As I helped her find her key and made sure she was inside her house safely, I was just so very pleased to be sober. I feel like a totally different person to the one i was when I used to drink with her. She hugged me, and told me that I had changed. We both knew that was true. That things would never again be the same. It was poignant and a bit sad.
Then as she stumbled in she said ' I love you Jen, text me when you get home so I know you're safe'. In actual fact, though I had an hours drive on some icy roads home, I know I'm actually in a much safer place than her.
My friend talked about her own drinking a lot. I could tell she was torn between being sad that I wasn't drinking with her and being proud that I'd given up for so long.
She admitted to me that she didnt think she could ever quit. She asked about how not drinking had affected my marriage.
She asked why I had quit and I told her the truth.
As I helped her find her key and made sure she was inside her house safely, I was just so very pleased to be sober. I feel like a totally different person to the one i was when I used to drink with her. She hugged me, and told me that I had changed. We both knew that was true. That things would never again be the same. It was poignant and a bit sad.
Then as she stumbled in she said ' I love you Jen, text me when you get home so I know you're safe'. In actual fact, though I had an hours drive on some icy roads home, I know I'm actually in a much safer place than her.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
That was an amazing story.....
I commend you for being there for her and who knows, you might have planted a seed. Thanks for sharing this. You sound solid in your recovery - you should be really proud.
I commend you for being there for her and who knows, you might have planted a seed. Thanks for sharing this. You sound solid in your recovery - you should be really proud.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
So happy that you got through it, Jen. Maybe you and your friend can talk further about her drinking, if she's ever ready. As you said, a poignant and bittersweet night - but you went and handled it so well.
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