Back again.....
Always hopeful...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Illinois
Posts: 429
Back again.....
Well, it's been almost 4 years since I have used this site. Long story. On and off w/ AH/exH for nearly 20 years. Ended for the 3rd time in'06, Daughter died in '07 (Son in '02) got back together w/ him. He had slowed his drinking, and was very good to me that year, then had knee replacement w/ many complications, stayed w/ me almost a year. It was ok, but he also battles(unknowingly) depression/maybe bipolar/2 different people...typical! 
He became more despondent and verbally mean to me, told him when he got happy again and really wanted me in his life to call. Absent almost 2 years, a few conversations, visits/dinners during his father's illess and death. A year ago, began seeing each other off n on, it became more frequent. He was drinking a night a week or so, but seemed a changed person and more mellow...appreciative of life. This summer started to work out of town, staying during the week...drinking beer every night w/ the guy coworkers, then few months ago adding shots with it. I knew, I just knew what was coming. Yes, the ornery, distant man again. When we would go for a few drinks on a Friday night, the owner would tease him about the shots he had done the previous Sunday during Football bar visits. I had early on in our relationship attended Al-Anon and read read read! I can't tell you how helpful it was in my life, not just for the A in my life, but when my kids had their fatal accident and then daughter dying w/ cancer at 31, leaving a daughter. Thank God for her. She is all the family I have. I have good friend support, but no one understands the A like 'we' do. I guess I am just needing the support from people here. I feel like I have lost everyone that has been significant in my life. Obviously both my kids to death and now the A again to his alcoholism. Yes, I know he never quit, but was 'controlling' it. I'm feeling the same old 'deja vu' feelings. AND upset w/ myself.... but when I was so lonely and alone, it felt good to have him in my life when he was the 'good A'. somethin is better than nothin'!! not any more as the old A has returned, as we know they can....will! NO, he will not stop drinking, no, there is no discussing it. No, I do not matter enuf, related to his addiction and A personality. whew! that felt good just writing it....thanks!
He became more despondent and verbally mean to me, told him when he got happy again and really wanted me in his life to call. Absent almost 2 years, a few conversations, visits/dinners during his father's illess and death. A year ago, began seeing each other off n on, it became more frequent. He was drinking a night a week or so, but seemed a changed person and more mellow...appreciative of life. This summer started to work out of town, staying during the week...drinking beer every night w/ the guy coworkers, then few months ago adding shots with it. I knew, I just knew what was coming. Yes, the ornery, distant man again. When we would go for a few drinks on a Friday night, the owner would tease him about the shots he had done the previous Sunday during Football bar visits. I had early on in our relationship attended Al-Anon and read read read! I can't tell you how helpful it was in my life, not just for the A in my life, but when my kids had their fatal accident and then daughter dying w/ cancer at 31, leaving a daughter. Thank God for her. She is all the family I have. I have good friend support, but no one understands the A like 'we' do. I guess I am just needing the support from people here. I feel like I have lost everyone that has been significant in my life. Obviously both my kids to death and now the A again to his alcoholism. Yes, I know he never quit, but was 'controlling' it. I'm feeling the same old 'deja vu' feelings. AND upset w/ myself.... but when I was so lonely and alone, it felt good to have him in my life when he was the 'good A'. somethin is better than nothin'!! not any more as the old A has returned, as we know they can....will! NO, he will not stop drinking, no, there is no discussing it. No, I do not matter enuf, related to his addiction and A personality. whew! that felt good just writing it....thanks! 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
So glad you are here, Mazey. Many blessings to you as you find your way. I am deeply sorry for your losses and for the loneliness in your marriage that has returned. But your light is still shining, and there is much more to your story to come. I'm glad you have your granddaughter. It is very good to feel we have a purpose. Sometimes we go through times of life when it seems we don't. But then, the wheel of life turns, and there is meaning again.
Connection with others is important when the alcoholic is bringing us down. I hope for you much more of that with people who understand.
Connection with others is important when the alcoholic is bringing us down. I hope for you much more of that with people who understand.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((Mazey))
Welcome back home ~ please know SR always welcomes it's family back when they need to come for e, s, & h ~
Please accept my heartfelt sympathy in the loss of your precious loved ones ~
It's tough when life seems overwhelming to face it - but as our recovery program tells us - all we really have to do it take it ODAT - put First Things First and Do the Next Right Thing and our HP helps us thru ~
Keep coming back & take good care of you ~
PINK hugs,
Welcome back home ~ please know SR always welcomes it's family back when they need to come for e, s, & h ~
Please accept my heartfelt sympathy in the loss of your precious loved ones ~
It's tough when life seems overwhelming to face it - but as our recovery program tells us - all we really have to do it take it ODAT - put First Things First and Do the Next Right Thing and our HP helps us thru ~
Keep coming back & take good care of you ~
PINK hugs,
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Hey Mazey....
Welcome back! I remember you I too came back about a year ago after a long period of silence. Thought I had beaten the disease - but was brutally reminded of how powerful it really is.
Sit down, read up... you're not alone... in fact, you're right at home!!
Welcome back! I remember you
I too came back about a year ago after a long period of silence. Thought I had beaten the disease - but was brutally reminded of how powerful it really is.Sit down, read up... you're not alone... in fact, you're right at home!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Welcome back, Mazey - i am glad you feel comfortable to come back and join this wonderful group again. Names may have changed, but the situations that bring us together have not.
Keep coming back!
~T
Keep coming back!
~T
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