lizisme

I've done every program, everything suggested, detoxes, rehabs, step programs. I can't stop. I have had periods of sobriety, my longest 20months in my 10year struggle to stay sober...it was easy, too easy. This time is THE hardest and I don't know why. I don't want to lose my kids but they deserve better, that kills me the most. My mum asked if I choose alcohol over my children....I don't choose, my addiction does. I hate it, I'm drowning in it. I've asked my mm to take my kids til I figure out what to do. Maybe there is a park bench out there with my name on it!

pipparina

I sure hope there isn't such a person that can't stop no matter what. Did you really throw yourself full heatedly into AA and the steps? What caused you to pick up a drink after 20 months? Maybe it being so easy to stop meant you weren't working hard enough at at?

You can stop. You need to find the method that works for you. I don't believe anyone is resigned to the misery of alcoholism if they really want to get sober. Just seems for some, it takes a few tries. Don't give up

Thepatman

Don't beat yourself up. There are alternatives. You say IT when you speak of you addiction. You somehow know what YOU want. If you see 2 seperate entities you might want to check out AVRT. IT as you say is your addictive voice...

Windancer

You are always helpable. Refuse to believe otherwise. I myself have had 2 DUI's, been to two detoxes, spent $30 000 on a rapid detox treatment program in Florida, did a 2 week outpatient program here in Canada, began a nutritional program, tried AA...the longest I was sober from alcohol was 9 monthes but I will still taking presciption drugs.
This time has been the hardest for me and I think its because Im doing it for myself for the first time, and I know it is for good.
I repeat...you ARE helpable. There is hope. Are you familiar with AVRT? This is something I am learning about now and Im surpised to say it is helping me tremendously. Also, I have also learned that for me, staying sober isnt about just not drinking. I needed a big lifestyle change.
If I can do it, and so many others have done it, so can you.

Windancer

.....Oh, and Im going into another inpatient program in Dec, and then continuing with a 9 month follow-up program, I see a psychologist, psychiatrist and addictions counsellor, and I am going to jail in Janurary.
If there is hope for me there certainly is for you too.

Anna

There is hope and you absolutely must keep trying because this disease of alcoholism is relentless and it will take you down. Do this for yourself and for your children. Don't drink today, get rid of the alcohol in the house and don't go out to buy anymore. Get through the day.

eumenides

Have you tried Rational Recovery? I am not talking the free crash course on their website. I am talking about, at a minimum, spending the $29 (USD) it costs to access their forums, the other pay for use portions of the site and start the Advanced Course. Ask some questions. Get ready for some ego-crushing but if you are really serious, $29 isn't much and if nothing else has worked so far...well...?

ru12

Hi Liz. I tried programs too and I think a lot of them have value, but I couldn't find one that resonated for me. For me, I just made the decision that I don't drink anymore. Forever was scary, so I just concentrated on now. I don't drink in the present moment. I've only been sober for 23 months, but it works for me. I just had to stop buying alcohol, stop putting it to my lips and swallowing. Life is so much better. I think you can do this. If we can help, just holler.

Delilah1

There is definitely hope, and you can do this. I will be thinking about you and your kiddos. Check out the secular section and see if there is something that might work for you. Also, keep reading and posting here, lots of great advice and support!!

Dee74

I just wanted to add Liz...I tried to quit for 15 years.

There's always hope...if you want to quit - keep trying, keep adding things,leave no recovery stone unturned...

you will get there

D

XrayLady

There is always hope! Seek support and keep trying.

lizisme

Thank you so much for your love. The pain of addiction is almost unbearable but obviously isn't enough to make me stop. Guess I'm numb. Even the tears streaming down my face feel forced, begging for something to snap. My brother has been helped by rational thinking...he loaned me the book a couple months ago but I never read it and returned it to him. My mum wants to me meet in a couple of hours and I know it's going to be awful, I'm expecting the worse but in her position I'd probably do the same to save my child's and their children's lives. God this sucks!! I'll come back later and let you know what happened with Mum. Thanks again for caring

lizisme

PS I'm terrified of the look I know I'm going to see on my mums face, broken, disappointed, hurt, love and pure fed up. Hurting others in this destruction feels the worst, worse than any hangover.

onlythetruth

Liz: There IS hope....you do not need to live this way. We are all pulling for you.

Windancer

I know that horror of feeling so awful about hurting loved ones. Its ok though, and I hope it wasnt as bad as you feared. You have all of us supporting you and backing you up!

lizisme

Thank you, I went in expecting the worse. Basically my mum said she can no longer focus on me but on the safety of my children, and I respect her for that. She wants answers but I dont know what they are myself. I'm going in to etox today, even though it's now my 3rd day sober (I literally cannot stomach any alcohol, my last drunk was soooo bad). But I have to do this in order to be accepted into rehab. The only rehab in Australia where you can take your kids (for mothers). I'm so sad though because this isn't what I wanted, mum says I have too many excuses. I'm in the middle of custody issues where the father has only been on the scene very rarely and only in the last year, he is such a bully, his lawyer is emotionally involved with him and I'm now going to have to get legal aid and it won't be quick enough for her highness the lawyer. My boys are settled in their kindy, we have a beautiful home. I wish I could do this without rehab.

Dee74

sometimes I think it takes what it takes liz...I never did rehab but there's lots of other health related things I don't want to do but I have to - I recognize they're my best option at the time...sometimes they're my only option.

I hope this will be a way forward for you - good luck!

D

2granddaughters

Are you going to AA meetings, Liz?

All the best.

Bob R

lizisme

Dee, I know no rehab etc is going to cure me. Only I can manage this nightmare. I have been to AA, it works for a few family members who ave many years sober. Rehab feels like running away n a way. It feels selfish. I'm so confused, sick, stressed and feeling very sorry for myself which I know is bad. I'm waiting for a book I just ordered from O/S because it's not available here...Rational Recovery. Sooooo over tired. Short fuse. Hope i get some clarity soon :-)

Dee74

no it's no a cure - but it can be some welcome space to work stuff out....

D