thislonelygirl

the insanity of an addict. just venting here.
so ah "maybe i should smoke weed instead of drink....atleast i woudlnt be drinking"
"i might be an alcoholic but im not like blank who is a bad influence to his child"
"i like being with you but since you arent drinking and you dont wat me to drink ide rather sit up half the night with aquintances drinking whom by the way are drugie ex cons" -didnt actually say that but actions!!
"yea my sort of "friends" are bad guys and make bad decision, have messed up lives...im nothing like them i just agree with their advice philosophies and want to be around them"
"i miss you but i dont call text or make arrangements to see you"
"i know im an alcoholic yet i deny its severity by downplaying it"
"you are important just not as important as drinking or myself"
"i give alot i just take just as much also"-kinda evens itself out
"i can talk about you, i can talk about them, i can blame everyone but leave my precious drink out of it."

up tonight with lots of thoughts emotions and memories....mostly just sad. felt like venting a bit but ah is hanging out with these aquintances right now probably drinking not like he would tell me but he has work at 6 am (in 4 hours). ssshh! im not saying a thing. usually i would point that out but tonight im just leaving it to him.

Lulu39

My XAH used to pull that one too.

He would slag off his "friends" and his own brother for being drunks and addicts and losers (all had broken marriages - hmmm LOL so has he, now) but always clarified it using the "fact" that he had excellent discussions with them about intellectual stuff. It's just BS.

Sueski

So frustrating to hear all that quacking. 'black is white. White is black. Up is down. Etc. Etc.' and then to lie awake...

It sounds like it's getting easier for you to detach. Good for you for leaving it to him!

Take care.

thislonelygirl

thanks

its getting easier....i still like tonight lay awake with thoughts about everything and overwhelming feelings but i started opneing up more (which i credit that to sr which allowed me to be more honest with others about his drinking) and then not catching him when he falls..now i just let him hit the ground.
Feels good when i think about the change i have done for myself .
and yea ive heard it all ....the finger pointing at everyone else and how his friends are wrong wrong wrong yet his thinking reflects them. sad very very sad but i feel better not enabling or putting myself in the chaos.

thislonelygirl

oh and it was a little bitter sweet. he text me when he finally was headng into bed and was telling me that he was talking to an addict neighbor and he explained to me what he was saying/doing and he asked me "im not like that right?" and he said (Reality check!!) " seeing it from the other side made me sad....i dont want to be like that"
kinda made me smile a bit......we shall see tho if that helped him realize a little more.

dollydo

My ex, drank, then drank somemore, then he picked up the crack pipe, they then went hand in hand, get drunk, do crack. Rinse and repeat.

thislonelygirl

yea when ah has mentioned trading in drinking for say weed or steroids or whatever else its idiotic and a shame that that makes any lick of sense.
told him trading in one even if it meant he quit drinking would be a whole new set of problems but still be problems and he would probably end up still drinking while with the other anyways.

grammyb

My AH constantly complains about texting and driving being so dangerous . Meanwhile he drinks and drives daily! Never is anyone to mention that drinking and driving is dangerous! "He does not have an issue with alcohol!" Isn't the quacking sad? All of it is very very sad!