Living with someone addicted to coke and Ritalin...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: la habra, ca
Posts: 1
Living with someone addicted to coke and Ritalin...
I am new here and would love advice with living with someone addicted to coke and Ritalin. I am talking about my boyfriend and his mood swings are ver hard to deal with along with him using me as his verbal punching bag.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
I'm sorry you are being abused. Welcome to SR. No one should be violated emotionally as you are experiencing. But often partners of addicts find it very hard to break away. They generally rollercoaster from nice times to monstrous times. And addicts, in the nice times, can appear so vulnerable, so remorseful, tender, and filled with self-loathing. This performance is such potent bait for a sensitive codependent with low self-esteem who wants so very much to mean something to someone, to be his rock. If this is your situation, it is the classic scenario of the relationship of addiction.
If you feel you need to try to stick this out for now, then we here always recommend the codependent attend a 12-step meeting to help keep her thinking straight about life with addicts and to help her regain her self-worth. Nar-Anon, Al-Anon, CoDA: all these can be googled and you can always find a meeting somewhere. The free pamphlets at these meetings are excellent.
I always recommend removing oneself from the home if an addict is high and abusive. If you have a close friend who can be your sanctuary during the times your addict is using, then I recommend you work that out with her ahead of time, and always have some cash and a small bag packed and an understanding with her that you might show up anytime day or night. Good friends can provide this kind of shelter for awhile. But over time, most friends will have a very hard time witnessing you martyring yourself for a man who abuses and uses you.
We really do understand here, and have no harsh judgment of you, only a desire that your life be one of safety and health. We have all lost our way in relationships or in families of addiction, for addiction creates such insanity and turmoil, and it is impossible to know what to do when we are isolated and uneducated about addiction. But with information from recovering people, you will come to understand better that the inevitable blame-shifting and abandonment and cruel accusations are all none of your fault, not a bit of it. It is the grandiosity, defensiveness, and bitterness of the addict, and those traits exist in each and every addict. And when the addict is ready to unload, he always hurts the people in closest range. There will come a time, I hope, when you will be able to say "I am more than this," and do what you need to do to protect yourself.
For now, please feel free to post and get feedback. Many members here have decades of recovery.
If you feel you need to try to stick this out for now, then we here always recommend the codependent attend a 12-step meeting to help keep her thinking straight about life with addicts and to help her regain her self-worth. Nar-Anon, Al-Anon, CoDA: all these can be googled and you can always find a meeting somewhere. The free pamphlets at these meetings are excellent.
I always recommend removing oneself from the home if an addict is high and abusive. If you have a close friend who can be your sanctuary during the times your addict is using, then I recommend you work that out with her ahead of time, and always have some cash and a small bag packed and an understanding with her that you might show up anytime day or night. Good friends can provide this kind of shelter for awhile. But over time, most friends will have a very hard time witnessing you martyring yourself for a man who abuses and uses you.
We really do understand here, and have no harsh judgment of you, only a desire that your life be one of safety and health. We have all lost our way in relationships or in families of addiction, for addiction creates such insanity and turmoil, and it is impossible to know what to do when we are isolated and uneducated about addiction. But with information from recovering people, you will come to understand better that the inevitable blame-shifting and abandonment and cruel accusations are all none of your fault, not a bit of it. It is the grandiosity, defensiveness, and bitterness of the addict, and those traits exist in each and every addict. And when the addict is ready to unload, he always hurts the people in closest range. There will come a time, I hope, when you will be able to say "I am more than this," and do what you need to do to protect yourself.
For now, please feel free to post and get feedback. Many members here have decades of recovery.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
