NewBeginnings2

Well, some of you read my first post on these forums. My addict husband has been off meth for a little over a week now. I had banned him from our home, he has lost everything like job, car, even place to live. He has been staying temporarily at his mothers house, but she is a drug addict herself. But being on permanent probation as a three time felon, she just abuses her prescriptions now. Anyway, I had done no contact with him and was feeling great about it. I was coping well, beginning to move forward. Being very productive. At 8 months pregnant, thats pretty important My mental health that is. I also have two little boys, ages 2 and 4. So the whole merrygoround of stress and manipulation was thrown out with the trash and we were suddenly functioning on a much healthier level. I had left it with him that I was done, and if he went and got help it would take at least a year to consider moving forward with him again. Well, I got a text the other day saying he was so sorry, ready to change, ready to go to rehab (long term residential) etc. He just wanted to talk to me before he went. That stretched from that night into the next day, and into the next day (today). Still no sign of him making a move toward rehab. Instead, it seems like he is up to his old tricks. My phone died, for about two hours this evening before I plugged it up again. When I did, boy did I have a lot of messages...

"Your phone is off, i tried calling."
"I guess your on the rebound ive had a bad feeling about it all day"
"what ever."
"well i guess your busy with whoever so i will just let you be thanks for this"
"well i guess you showed me how much you really wanted me to get help thanks for everything"
"i thought i could trust you and that you were there but i just now realized you arent and how quickly you move on"
"thanks for reinforcing my recovery"
"you have no idea how bad i just want to see my family but i guess that didnt mean anything to you"

THEN... I have a couple texts from his dad. He has started spreading stories to his dad again. About god knows what. His dad sent me a text asking about a lady from 3 years ago that used to watch my oldest son... All this after talking to his son, my husband earlier. Which tells me he has once again started with the manipulation. He has come up with some story or some lie to cause trouble. Main reason? His dad pays for the cell phone and his car...which are no longer in his possession. It infuriated my husband when his dad and I started talking, he felt he couldnt "play" his game anymore... Because two people were comparing notes and revealing his inconsistencies and lies.

Anyway, I am very agitated now, and I feel unbalanced...exactly what he wants. I am honestly so sick of him. Wish there was a delete button. He has been putting enormous responsibility on me for HIS recovery and whether HE goes to rehab. Its getting so old. And the constant mind games...just a few days ago he told everyone that my oldest son isnt his and the baby on the way isnt either.

hello-kitty

From reading your post it's clear to me that there's really no reason to take his phone calls anymore (unless you WANT to be agitated)... Any contact you have with him just seems to feed the beast inside him. you can't fix him. you can't change him. you have your hands full with children and preparing for a baby. do you have family or people nearby that you trust to help you?

NewBeginnings2

Thanks guys. I do not have a lot of confidence right now, sometimes I question whether I am acting or making decisions out of anxiety, or maybe because I had a long nap I am not thinking clearly...Even though in my heart I know what to do. I also feel afraid of him in some ways, because the moral abuse is what gets to me. Where he makes me feel later like I have done the worst things. Even when all Ive done is try to protect me. He knows how to do the guilt thing I guess, so sometimes, I just like to hear it from someone else as well.

I have family, not really any friends...My mum and my dad do not have the patience for hearing about it all. So they dont know the whole picture and dont care to. That makes it hard to talk to them. They like keeping that door closed, even though it means I dont get a lot of support. Thats why Im here! I appreciate the support I get on this forum, even though sometimes it can be hard to hear.

Im not going to live in a fairy tale anymore where I keep getting hurt and playing martyr role.

jewel14

I am new to this site and god does it make you sad and yet feel like you are not crazy when you read others posts.. You are not alone your txt you are getting I get the same.. It is a very sad situation.. All we can do is take care of ourselves and our kids... Stay strong...

outtolunch

If he were remotely interested in his family, he would be working 2 jobs to provide for them. As it is, he can't be bothered. He's not taking responsibility for himself, let alone his own family.

Do you really need an adult preschooler to parent on top of everything else?

I agree with the others- be done with this and change your phone number.