Aussie1

Hi all I've finally decided to join this site after discovering it a couple of months ago. I was feeling how I'm feeling now but now I feel 10 times worse. I have struggled with alcohol since I first really starting drinking it at 15 years old. I would drink to get drunk and that's the way I have always drank. It used to be funny hearing stories about what I did when I was drunk because my nights would be a blur,but as I hit around 20 years old it wasn't really funny anymore. My life has been a battle since then. I have put my family and friends through hell. From getting locked up for being out of control drunk to ending up in hospital after a car accident nearly killing myself. Every weekend it would be something different. The blackouts got worse from missing a couple of hours to not remembering whole days. I have gave it up before from first doing 4 months sober only to get off my head and get a DUI the first night drinking. Then doing 2 years sober only to fall back into old habits again and getting another DUI. The last year I have known I have to give this stuff up once and for all. The hangovers have been so bad. It's like 4 days in bed feeling depressed guilty embarrassed about what I've done. It's a nightmare. I won't drink for months and forget about how bad I am feeling now then do it again. I don't want to go through this again. It's been a couple of days since my last drink and I'm still in bed feeling rock bottom.

MycoolFitz

Welcome mate is saving my life

Anna

Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will continue to worsen unless you stop. I'm glad you're ready to live a sober life.

Splasho

Hi Aussie. And welcome. I think most of us have similar stories. Alcholism is a deadly, progressive disease that spirals so rapidly. It's like all of a sudden were young, having fun, laughing at ourselves and others over drunken stupidity... then we're getting into trouble, putting lives at risk, destroying relationships... I know what rock bottom feels like. I too never want to be there again. This site has helped me so much, I hope you find the support and resources you need here and elsewhere for your journey. It is a noble, worthwhile journey, and if anyone can do it you can do it. Be strong and fight for yourself first and foremost!

Beyond

You are a survivor. You are here and now. Let the suffering inspire you to get stronger. You can do anything and absorb positive energy from the universe. Be kind to yourself. Break up with your lover. Look into Chodron retreats, meditations. Don't be afraid. You can do it. You just have to believe it, know it, and demand it for yourself bc you deserve to be free.

Thepatman

Well you are at the rught place! Welcome to SR. I'm sorry for your struggle. You have more time experince sober then me. But you must remember how good you felt sober? Hang on to that feeling, you can have it again. As for relapse, you need to understand what made you pick up again, the trigger. If it just because you tought you could drink normally then problem solved, drinking is not an option for you. Let it go, let go of the guilt, shame, your past etc. today you are sober!!! Kudos to you ;-)

Sasha4

You never have to feel like this again if you do not want to.
You never have to spend four days in bed again feeling like a mental and physical wreck if you do not want to.

All you have to do is avoid drinking that first drink.
If you don't have the first drink then there is no way you can get drunk.

Do you have a plan for how you are going to give up?
AA? AVRT?

I think it's good to have some sort of plan or structure you can go to or follow. Good to have goals. I know myself that the feeling starts to fade and then gradually I am drinking, blacking out, waking up with regret again.

I wish you the very best.
Please keep posting and coming here.

Positivefuture

Welcome you are at the right place and good to reach out for support. Stay close and take it one day at a time. You have my support!

Delilah1

Welcome to SR, and congratulations on your decision to stop.

Aussie1

Thanks for your reply's. I know I can get sober as I have done it before its the staying sober I have trouble with. When I got sober for 2 years before the first year was hell. I couldn't even be near people drinking alcohol. I did a.a and it helped a lot. I just battled on. The second year I was loving life. i would go out with friends that were drinking and although I couldn't stay out all night as they started to do my head in when drunk I would enjoy myself.no one pressured me to drink and my friends liked the new sober me. That's why I can't believe I got back on the drink. This last year and a half has been a mess back on it. It's been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. My family and friends that were so happy for me are now worried sick about me. I know sober is the only way to go now. I'm just going to have to start with baby steps like I did before and just stay away from people drinking for a while. Just got to take it one day at a time.

GypsyHeart

debsam

Glad you're here Aussie.

I know how you feel right now...I've been there too many times myself. I'm 20 months sober today but I vividly remember exactly how you feel right now.

Since you are being really hard on yourself right now, I'm asking you to allow yourself to find some positive in what you've done today...you've reached out for help! You've reached out to all the great people here at SR that will support you. Give yourself some credit for that...can you try and do that?

Staying mentally where you are at the moment does you NO good at all...try and find something positive in what you've done for today. And yes, baby steps.

Aussie, you got some sober time under your belt...draw on that experience to do it again...I think you know what to do...and you've got some reinforcements here....again, welcome to SR.

Sending big hugs to you on the other side of the world

InspiredAnew

I'm sorry for your struggle, I've been waaaay fortunate in over fifteen years of drinking to not get into serious trouble- like jail or DUI or worse. I've definitely put myself in some dangerous situations like stumbling home in the middle of the night alone or falling and injuring myself being blackout wasted from whiskey after a night out. And I've woken horrified and ashamed way too many many times that I successfully drove my car without remembering it.

I hope this forum is the support you need to stay reminded of what you want for yourself and your life. I know how scary it is to feel rock bottomed and still be able to fall back into the same behavior you worked hard to fix.

Aussie1

Can't believe it's Friday already. Where did the week go. I have hardly been out of bed since Monday. I am starting to feel better but. I am going to stay home all weekend. Try and go to the gym if I can. I haven't stop reading posts all week and realising how many people are going through what I'm going through. How did it get to this I keep thinking. I am Feeling really positive about my decision to live a sober clean life. I am going to make it my number one priority. Hopefully everything else will fall in to place from there. Sober recovery has really opened my eyes to my issues.

amy55

Hi Aussie,

Another one of those sleepless nights for me, so just wanted to say Hi. Does this mean you are on day 5 now? Or 4? whichever, that is great, worst is over, now is the time for the new life. Welcome !!!!!

Aussie1

Yeah day 5 Amy. Sleepless nights alright. Been up all night and my mind is ticking over. Been sleeping most of the day. At least I can eat properly now as I didn't eat for a few days because I was so sick. The anxiety has been bad to. I had my phone turned off for days because i couldnt handle talking to anyone.Friends have been calling me the last couple of days but telling me what I did last weekend. I have been horrified. They think its funny but to me I'm embarrassed big time. It's not the person I want to be. But on the positive side of things I feel like I have finally accepted that I just can't drink no more. I have been lying to myself saying I'm ok a few wont hurt. But it's never a few. Who am I kidding. I have to be honest with myself.

amy55

Sounds like you are through with the worst of the withdrawals. That's good. Now that you are awake, do you have a plan to follow through with this. What are you going to do different this time? SR is a really good start. Stick around, lots of really good people here.

bloss

Being honest with yourself is a big part of maintaining long term sobriety. Many of us chalk up a few months, sometimes years and somehow forget. Step back when those thoughts arise that one or two drinks will be ok. Down deep we know the truth....one or two is not how it will end. It will end badly, just like most every other time. Stay strong, stay away from picking up the first drink.

Aussie1

Thanks Amy and yeah I'm through the withdrawal stage. Yeah I've got a plan I'm going to try a.a again when I can finally feel good enough to leave the house and also I'm going to go talk to a physcologist or councillor to try and work out why I keep doing this to myself. All this from binge drinking. And Bloss that's exactly what I'm like. I might not drink for a month or two and i start feeling great. I don't find it that hard to be around people drinking and being sober either it's just i let my guard down have that first one and that's it. I'll only remember a few drinks then its like i wake up and think how did I get here, what have I done. It's a joke how I have let this go on for so long.

amy55

It's kinda funny Aussie. I have no problem at all, going to a bar, a wedding, or anything that is full of drinkers. My biggest problem is being by myself.

Glad you are here. You got a good plan there.