4kidsdad

Wife and step son moved out because I am an alcoholic.

We are working through this as I work my recovery.

Both of us want to make our marriage work but she is worried that her ex-husband will seek custody if we do.

Is there a minimum time frame that is used to determine when it is safe to start planning on getting back under the same roof?

laurie6781

I do believe your recovery and your wife's recovery should come first for both of
you. What does your sponsor say?

No way to work on a marriage until you have worked on you. Or to work on any
relationship.

My family finally starting giving me some trust when I hit about 3 years sober and
clean.

I showed them with my ongoing and continuous actions that I WAS working on my
recovery and how to become a fully functioning member of society.

Work your steps, or whatever you are doing if not in AA, and once you have completed
the 'work' then you start LEARNING how to LIVE the program.

So, congrats on finding recovery!

Love and hugs,

Chris1000101

Part of it will depend on the state and municipality you are in. Trust me document everything:
Your successes (recovery if it becomes an issue, certificates from parenting classes, availability of schools and any special needs they offer, have your home inspected by DFS and it meets their requirements, and all sport/activity centers in the area). Prove to them you are responsible and have done your homework.
Their shortfalls: (utilities turned off, falling grades because homework is not done, multiple moves, children not being allowed to participate in the activities they want to)

I hate being doom and gloom here I learned the hard way, trust no one. I had most of those things done that I listed but what I wasn’t ready for, is my ex deliberately lied on the stand and got away with it.

Keep your sponsor close and use them daily, rough roads are ahead and you will need them. Sobriety must come first or everything else will fall apart. More importantly, and I do not want an answer, is this your will or HP’s?

MsPINKAcres

just my thoughts - i don't know that normal will ever be in the household again once it has been affected by alcoholism/addiction

I do truly believe that there can be a recovery home with serenity & sanity restore for all - when everyone does their part to heal from the affects of the disease - I hope that your wife is attending some type of help for herself (Al-Anon, Coda, etc.) and your step-son too if he is old enough

With everyone working together - it may help all of you to know when the family is ready to be under the same roof again.

praying for your HP's very best for all of you ~

pink hugs,

dollydo

I do not know what defines "normal", all I know is that you need to continue working on you, your soberity. If I am not mistaken, you are just beginning your journey, prove that you can do it....for you....take one day at a time, make your actions speak for themselves. Time will tell what the final outcome will be, be patient, keep your focus.

4kidsdad

Wow. All good stuff. Thank you all for the sage advice and tough love.

What we want isn't always what we need and what we need usually isn't what we want.

I need this very much. Thank You.

WishingWell

You can do this, Dad - we're pulling for you!!!! One day at a time . . .

4kidsdad

Just returned home from meeting.

The posts and advice here are spot on.

Thanks again.

Tuffgirl

Keep working on you, and let everything else sort itself out in due time. It will, even without your interference.

Congrats on your sobriety!