TakingCharge999

Off topic vent

1

Got a prize at work, its been a month and they don´t give it to me.. I just emailed the HR lady.. and I don´t like it, its a PRIZE, I should not be asking for it right?? ugh.

2

I asked a designer "friend" for a dress for my friend´s wedding.. well, he got the money and he never sent me the dress... he never even told me he wouldn´t be able to make it... I am trying to get ahold of him and I can´t.

I knew he has ripped off others before... what was I thinking? He owed me money before so its not the first time. It was not millions but, again, a sum that would really help me nowadays.

Yesterday he sent me a facebook message "your dress is ready!" yeah right, the event has already passed, and he knows it... I am visiting the city where he lives this weekend and will be stalking him- I want my money back. My gut tells me, though, I won´t see either a cent or a dress, so I am angry.



I guess it bugs me more lately as any $ I get would go for a new place and I could bring my cats where I live, faster! I miss them.


I am trying to process I won´t see any of this $ owed to me and plan accordingly. And trying to think the ones that are looking bad are others. And I can politely ask for what is owed to me and if not, let it go.

A bit mad at myself- MAYBE if I considered someone´s history before trusting blindly it would be great. I got a therapist recommendation in my new city, I hope I can meet him soon.

Vent over.
Thanks.

Fandy

i think you need to think about these things before you give people any $$$.

TakingCharge999

Indeed.

I am thinking "people show you who they are; believe them"

Impurrfect

((TC)) - A lesson I had to learn the really hard way. I was most angry at myself, as I should have known better I'm counting on the karma police to get back at the people, and grateful for the lesson.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

TakingCharge999

Yes after all I asked HP this month to show me who was who
I guess HP also showed me my codie patterns in my "other" "relationships"

Note to self: bring my Melody Beatty books.

Fandy

we've all experienced this type of disappointment. I would tell this person to give you one or the other. and as he doesn't deliver, take out an advertisement for his future clientele and offer to spread the word that his "designer status" is pure BALONEY.

REMEMBER THIS INCIDENT, everytime you take our your checkbook...wallet, etc. it might help you with spending in the future....it has been months since you discussed your poor kitties living arrangements., it might be time to consider that you find them a real home with someone who will be there for them on a daily basis.

sometimes we have to make a concrete decision on what we will and will not tolerate.

TakingCharge999

Fandy, thanks for the recommendations.

The ´cat nanny´ took my cats to his home weeks ago, that is why I have not worried about them.. they are doing fine, I talk to the guy often.

This weekend I´ll be busy packing my stuff, as I decided to rent my place there, without furniture. A lot will be going to the local ´salvation army´.

TakingCharge999

At least I am getting angry now.. before, I would feel like a victim and this kind of thing would ruin my day or my week...

I prefer to feel angry as it leads to action. And about boundaries.. one boundary: reach out to people I trust, go NC with the ones I don´t... that´s an obvious way to live life!! DUH!!

Oh well.. progress, not perfection...

MsPINKAcres

it's ok to be wise with how we share our time, our emotions, our money and ourselves ~ only those who have earned our trust and respect get to be a part of our world ~ it's perfectly ok to do what is healthy for you in ALL areas of your life.

Take good care of YOU- after all - YOU deserve it!

PINK HUGS!

Fandy

i love the term "cat nanny", i'm so glad they have a foster home! and yes, i think it's ok to be angry too. being *me*, mr. takeyourhardearned $$ and run away, would be mightily embarrassed if I got a hold of him...I might snip the tops of his ears off with his dress shears....(j/k. but that is a terrible thing to do to a friend)

Tuffgirl

Hey TC - that sucks, but ya know, I have a habit of doing the same thing too. I now realize I give people too much credit, and assume everyone is honest and ethical, when often they are not. It's a learning lesson; one you won't forget now.

Don't be too hard on yourself - as Impurrfect says - karma has a way of taking care of things like this for us!

TakingCharge999

Thanks SR friends

I am thinking its just objects, and its just money...


Talking to someone in FB it seems his actions have got back to him already, he lost his day job and is no longer giving lessons at school... it sames he has left in bad terms.. so, no need for advertisements, people are knowing him already...


Tuffgirl indeed, I give everyone too much credit. Used to give.

Fandy/SR folks, you give sounder advice/support than anyone else I know in real life.

Thank you.

TakingCharge999

Ok, he finally answered in Facebook -after a not so kind message from my part asking "its either the dress or the money, which will it be?"

He says he is going to leave me the dress and the money he owes me as he is not going to be home in the weekend. And that "he can´t believe" the way I talk to him.

He is a master manipulator, unfortunately for him I have learned from one already. Now HE is the one who is angry. Right.

TakingCharge999

We had a "good relationship" - as long as I drove him places and bought him stuff and lent him money and let him get away with unacceptable stuff - the moment I stand up for myself I am pure evil.

Sounds so familiar I feel my stomach turning. Ugh.

TakingCharge999

I´ll hopefully be able to go there during the weekend, not placing any bets for him to follow his promises though.

CentralOhioDad

Sounds like my relationship with my wife!!

LifeRecovery

I had a wise person tell me once that "Others don't like it when the enabler starts to come into their own."

Actually she then proceeded to tell me that in part that was a way to see how my progress was going (was I getting upset because I was seeing reality about others), and it was a way to help weed out who should remain in my life.

I am sorry for the lesson, but I am glad you have so much capacity for the learning.

TakingCharge999

CentralOhioDad...yes, it sounds like XABF as well, whenever I remembered I mattered

This man said "I have never treated you like this"

Hmm maybe because I haven´t ran away with his money, without further explanation/communication?

TakingCharge999

Thanks LifeRecovery,

Someone wise also told me "its better to be angry than to be sad"

I agree 100%

I got a response from item #1. They apologized and said tomorrow I'll see my prize in my bank account.

Hope that's true!

Fandy

and if all comes through, it will be a good day!
it's important to stand up for yourself, let the others stomp and steam, you aren't being rude about it, you are just asking for them to deliver what they promised.

and i hope mr. dressmaker learns his lesson. you should not promise what you cannot deliver....(btw, Fandy's mama was a seamstress by trade...she always delivered ON TIME, even if she stayed up until 3AM sewing)