Natom

Hey guys,

To cut a long story short....I'm secretary of an NA meeting where a particular member has caused a lot of disruption and may also being brought up on criminal charges. The other day he was ejected from our meeting. We took a group conscience on it. Read the pamphlet about dealing with inappropriate
behaviour and decided this was the best option.

The problem is this guy attends the other meetings I attend. I went to one last night and he was there. I was in the business meeting when he came in. About 15 minutes later I grabbed my coat and went outside for a ciggy and kinda thought about going home. Just as I was about to leave another member of the group turned up who knew about what had happened. The first thing he said was 'You're not going home are you?' and at that moment I knew I was going to have to go back in. I ignored the guy, did my share on meditation and that was that. I've come to terms I am going to be seeing this guy around but you know he's sick. The only reason we are all in those rooms is to recover. Only sharing this here as I can't share it in meetings he is in lol. Principles before personalities.


Natom

2granddaughters

Folks like that either get with the program or wander off. The situation will resolve itself in due time. Only prayers are required.

All the best.

Bob R

tomsteve

shewww doggie!! this can be a buger for me,too. my HG in AA has had to have a GC about the same thing. it was a difficult decision to make. many of us had tried to explain to the person that their behavior was a threat to others. many of us had tried to help the person. the behavior hadnt changed, so we had to put the safety of the group 1st.
i am sure that, given time, the person( like the one we dealt with) will either see the light or go back to drinking. i hope the person sees the light.

MIRecovery

He is sick and treat him as a sick person. That said be safe. AA does not protect you from a wacko.

What does your sponsor say?

Natom

He is a sick person. The moment his behaviour became disruptive the NA meeting officially ended. The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop using. This doesn't mean people can disobey laws in these rooms, which is what he was doing. I saw my sponsor at a meeting last night but have yet to talk with him about the situation fully. I will be tomorrow though.

On one hand I do feel very sorry for this guy but he is a nasty piece of work. It seems group consciences are happening at every meeting he is attending. So yeah I guess we will see how the situation evolves. I analyzed my part in it and decided I acted well so I'm not that bothered about it. I'm more concerned that people are being put off going to meetings because of his presence.

Natom.

sugarbear1

has anyone spoken with him one to one? taken him to coffee and just talked? sounds like he doesn't have too many people interested in what's going on and there's usually more going on with someone like this....

Natom

He has actually, on numerous occasions. Nothing has happened because of it. The guy is a sexual predator who sexually harasses women. Obviously we all know the guy is sick and many people have been trying to support him and help him. I personally kept a meeting open for 6 weeks when he was the only one in attendance other than myself. Everyone locally has tried to help him but his acts are now becoming criminal and criminal charges are being brought against him whether he is sick or not.

Natom.

escapist

I have gone to meetings and at the end some guy would hold me up while I was going to my car. Give me their phone number and ask questions about me. It really makes me feel uncomfortable. I know they know that AA meetings are not hook up spots.

miko67

Yeah this is a gd point. Natom you are very right. Its one thing that puts me off meetings is having to get along with people you might not like. You showing great strength good for dealing with this the way you are.

amy55

This happened to me at my first AA meeting. I'm still afraid to go back. But what happened here is that the group saw this guy come onto me. It was at a cigarette break. I cut my break short, we went back in the room, and about 5 men surrounded me, so that this man could not get near me. Afterwards I was waiting for a ride home, those same 5 men stayed with me, till my ride came.

Natom

Unfortunately a lot of people come to the rooms with various issues. We deal with it as we see fit as a group. I personally make a point of not hugging any female members without their permission as some find it uncomfortable.

Natom.

Hollyanne

You kept a meeting going for him for 6 weeks????!!!!!!!
You are a better person than I Natom!
Yeah, my tolerance for extreme durtbags is limited, sorry.
Protect and serve!
Oh, that is the police, keep an eye on the girls though, please.
Have the police been called to any of the meetings?
My opinion, the group trumps an individual.
A few good men can try (again) to talk to him, I suppose.

Fernaceman

Wow. Powerful thread and topic, Natom. I personally like to live and dream in the delusion that AA/NA rooms are nothing but safe places to everyone, but in the end, they are inhabited by imperfect beigs called humans. And as we all know, humans are definitely NOT perfect beings.

It is very unfortunate that this is happening, but such is life. You are probably handling it better than most. During my using days this guy probably would've gotten clocked. Actually, I probably would've said somethin to him then retreated never to return for fear of confrontation, LOL.

Glad you are handling this so well. Kudos to you. You're awesome.

Natom

In other areas of the country he would have been taken outside and turned over. We have quite a high proportion of Scottish members in my area. He is one himself. They don't mess about, especially the ones who are newly clean. He's lucky he is doing this down in Kent and not in his hometown because he wouldn't last one meeting up there.

I do try to keep an eye on the girls when he is around. I like to see myself as approachable and comfortable and generally have a very good rapport with females in my usual meetings. Obviously if I saw him doing something it would take a great deal of restraint to stop me from hitting him. However if he was doing something and being aggressive I would nut him. Lord knows several people have come very close to it.

Natom.

MIRecovery

I like fernaceman want to believe meetings are full of Unicorns and Rainbows with a good measure of Pixy Dust. Unfortunately I have witnessed preditory behavior both male and female. It disgusts me but sick individuals see someone that is vulernable and take advantage. That is why men sponsor men and women women. All members should be friendly but not blind

amy55

Natom,

They are cowardly predators, they try to intimidate those that they feel are weaker then themselves. If the guy is around, just have a united front. Have people, especially the woman, stay together. He will just skulk away, and crawl back under his rock.

And agree, if he tries anything, then yes have him evicted.

Also, you be careful also

Natom

I think the people in the rooms who have that whole predator vibe going on are quite interesting. I have always liked girls more than guys. I tend to get on with them better. As such I have a lot of female friends in the fellowship. They have all had an experience with some guy trying it on. I can't say I have ever had a woman try and pull me in the rooms....yet. But there is fine line between playful banter and sexual harassment. Unfortunately said individual knows what he is doing.

Natom.

Natom

I spoke to my sponsor about this. I'm taking a step back from it. I acted ok. Nothing else is my problem.

Natom.