Husband drinking problem
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 472
Husband drinking problem
Let me start by saying that I have a drinking problem and I really want to turn my life around and quit drinking. Part of my problem is that my husband also has a problem and abstaining from alcohol is hard when I am surrounded by someone drinking. My husband doesn't accept that his continuous, excessive drinking is a problem and I don't think he wants to give up drinking, but it makes it very hard for me. Any suggestions.
Learning to LIve
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NSW Australia
Posts: 908
Hi dragon ,
I can totally relate to your situation. I have been with my husband for 20 years and sober for 107 days.
It has been hard not to pick up a drink when I feel surrounded by it. But some of my strategies include;
I must say when he bought a cask of white and put it in the fridge I felt like I had been punched in the stomach.
It really annoys me when he leaves half a glass of red and goes to bed ...pure habit saw me nearly drink it before washing up one morning... I simply move it out of vision or chuck it.
I know there will be many situations when I am going to want a drink because it is there in the house and easy to access.
Special occasions are going to be really tough ... but every day is just a day ... we attach special significance to them and then attach alcohol to those special occasions..
So Just for today my husband can drink to his hearts content... I'll slurp on my tea
Cheers
Jodie
I can totally relate to your situation. I have been with my husband for 20 years and sober for 107 days.
It has been hard not to pick up a drink when I feel surrounded by it. But some of my strategies include;
I must say when he bought a cask of white and put it in the fridge I felt like I had been punched in the stomach.
It really annoys me when he leaves half a glass of red and goes to bed ...pure habit saw me nearly drink it before washing up one morning... I simply move it out of vision or chuck it.
I know there will be many situations when I am going to want a drink because it is there in the house and easy to access.
Special occasions are going to be really tough ... but every day is just a day ... we attach special significance to them and then attach alcohol to those special occasions..
So Just for today my husband can drink to his hearts content... I'll slurp on my tea
Cheers
Jodie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 472
Originally Posted by LSC1 
Hi dragon ,
I can totally relate to your situation. I have been with my husband for 20 years and sober for 107 days.
It has been hard not to pick up a drink when I feel surrounded by it. But some of my strategies include;
I must say when he bought a cask of white and put it in the fridge I felt like I had been punched in the stomach.
It really annoys me when he leaves half a glass of red and goes to bed ...pure habit saw me nearly drink it before washing up one morning... I simply move it out of vision or chuck it.
I know there will be many situations when I am going to want a drink because it is there in the house and easy to access.
Special occasions are going to be really tough ... but every day is just a day ... we attach special significance to them and then attach alcohol to those special occasions..
So Just for today my husband can drink to his hearts content... I'll slurp on my tea
Cheers
Jodie
I can totally relate to your situation. I have been with my husband for 20 years and sober for 107 days.
It has been hard not to pick up a drink when I feel surrounded by it. But some of my strategies include;
I must say when he bought a cask of white and put it in the fridge I felt like I had been punched in the stomach.
It really annoys me when he leaves half a glass of red and goes to bed ...pure habit saw me nearly drink it before washing up one morning... I simply move it out of vision or chuck it.
I know there will be many situations when I am going to want a drink because it is there in the house and easy to access.
Special occasions are going to be really tough ... but every day is just a day ... we attach special significance to them and then attach alcohol to those special occasions..
So Just for today my husband can drink to his hearts content... I'll slurp on my tea
Cheers
Jodie
Thank you so much for your encouragement....WOW 107 days...or three and a half months, congratulations! Yes holidays are going to be tough, but this year I have no Christmas party invitations, so should be easier than previous years. I have requested that we have no alcohol in the house which I know is not going to last very long as already my husband is complaining about it being much more expensive to buy a bottle of wine instead of a case. Like you I am going to have to keep well hydrated (I live in Queensland and you don't realise how dehydrated you are sometimes and then when you drink you get drunk very easily and crave even more) Anyway thanks for the tips.
Did you get any outside help like AA or counselling?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 472
Originally Posted by Pelican
Welcome to SR Dragon!
Can I ask what was your *bottom* with your drinking?
Was it something someone said or did that made you change your drinking habits?
Can I ask what was your *bottom* with your drinking?
Was it something someone said or did that made you change your drinking habits?
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I understand.
Just as you didn't change all your drinking habits when your son asked you not to drink at his BBQ events, your husband is not likely to give up alcohol because it makes you uncomfortable.
It isn't important to make him see his drinking as a problem. The important issue is that his drinking is a problem for YOU. It makes you uncomfortable.
Hi, I'm known as Pelican and I am a recovering alcoholic.
I spend time here at Friends and Family because of my 14 year marriage to an active alcoholic, and our years since the divorce are still connected because we have a child.
I got sober during our marriage, he did not. I wish I could tell you how to live in loving detachment based on my personal experience, but I was not able to detach from his addiction (his included gambling as well as alcohol). I watched with sober eyes as his addictions spiraled downward out of control. I finally had to remove myself and the children from the unhealthy environment.
I agree with the above posters that your sobriety needs to be your priority right now. Your life is important, your health is important, and your life matters. Do this for YOU!
One thing that helped me when I was living with active alcoholism was to stop making myself a victim of his actions (in my thinking). I had to understand that he wasn't doing things TO me, but was doing things for himself. I was not a consideration. It helped me to stop reacting to his actions when I was able to remove myself as a victim and stop taking his actions personally.
I am sending you encouragement and support!
Just as you didn't change all your drinking habits when your son asked you not to drink at his BBQ events, your husband is not likely to give up alcohol because it makes you uncomfortable.
It isn't important to make him see his drinking as a problem. The important issue is that his drinking is a problem for YOU. It makes you uncomfortable.
Hi, I'm known as Pelican and I am a recovering alcoholic.
I spend time here at Friends and Family because of my 14 year marriage to an active alcoholic, and our years since the divorce are still connected because we have a child.
I got sober during our marriage, he did not. I wish I could tell you how to live in loving detachment based on my personal experience, but I was not able to detach from his addiction (his included gambling as well as alcohol). I watched with sober eyes as his addictions spiraled downward out of control. I finally had to remove myself and the children from the unhealthy environment.
I agree with the above posters that your sobriety needs to be your priority right now. Your life is important, your health is important, and your life matters. Do this for YOU!
One thing that helped me when I was living with active alcoholism was to stop making myself a victim of his actions (in my thinking). I had to understand that he wasn't doing things TO me, but was doing things for himself. I was not a consideration. It helped me to stop reacting to his actions when I was able to remove myself as a victim and stop taking his actions personally.
I am sending you encouragement and support!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 472
Originally Posted by Pelican
I understand.
Just as you didn't change all your drinking habits when your son asked you not to drink at his BBQ events, your husband is not likely to give up alcohol because it makes you uncomfortable.
It isn't important to make him see his drinking as a problem. The important issue is that his drinking is a problem for YOU. It makes you uncomfortable.
Hi, I'm known as Pelican and I am a recovering alcoholic.
I spend time here at Friends and Family because of my 14 year marriage to an active alcoholic, and our years since the divorce are still connected because we have a child.
I got sober during our marriage, he did not. I wish I could tell you how to live in loving detachment based on my personal experience, but I was not able to detach from his addiction (his included gambling as well as alcohol). I watched with sober eyes as his addictions spiraled downward out of control. I finally had to remove myself and the children from the unhealthy environment.
I agree with the above posters that your sobriety needs to be your priority right now. Your life is important, your health is important, and your life matters. Do this for YOU!
One thing that helped me when I was living with active alcoholism was to stop making myself a victim of his actions (in my thinking). I had to understand that he wasn't doing things TO me, but was doing things for himself. I was not a consideration. It helped me to stop reacting to his actions when I was able to remove myself as a victim and stop taking his actions personally.
I am sending you encouragement and support!
Just as you didn't change all your drinking habits when your son asked you not to drink at his BBQ events, your husband is not likely to give up alcohol because it makes you uncomfortable.
It isn't important to make him see his drinking as a problem. The important issue is that his drinking is a problem for YOU. It makes you uncomfortable.
Hi, I'm known as Pelican and I am a recovering alcoholic.
I spend time here at Friends and Family because of my 14 year marriage to an active alcoholic, and our years since the divorce are still connected because we have a child.
I got sober during our marriage, he did not. I wish I could tell you how to live in loving detachment based on my personal experience, but I was not able to detach from his addiction (his included gambling as well as alcohol). I watched with sober eyes as his addictions spiraled downward out of control. I finally had to remove myself and the children from the unhealthy environment.
I agree with the above posters that your sobriety needs to be your priority right now. Your life is important, your health is important, and your life matters. Do this for YOU!
One thing that helped me when I was living with active alcoholism was to stop making myself a victim of his actions (in my thinking). I had to understand that he wasn't doing things TO me, but was doing things for himself. I was not a consideration. It helped me to stop reacting to his actions when I was able to remove myself as a victim and stop taking his actions personally.
I am sending you encouragement and support!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Misery loves company. Keep reminding yourself of that too, everyone likes to have a drinking partner.
I am not an alcoholic but I live with one. Through him I have much more understanding of what it feels like for him. He says alcohol is everywhere. Advertisement, at the movies, restaurants, bowling alley, all social events everywhere we go there is alcohol. I never noticed this I guess because I don't think about alcohol.
But I love food, its my downfall. To me it is everywhere. My RAH loves sweets and keeps them here in our house - its my decision whether or not to eat them. If I do, and I go back to him and say I gained a pound because YOU keep this here I am pretty certain he would laugh. If I eat its because I choose to not because he keeps temptation around because temptation is everywhere, not just in my home.
It would be wonderful if your AH would get on board with you but it doesn't sound like that is going to happen. You can do it though, you can do anything you put your mind to.
I am not an alcoholic but I live with one. Through him I have much more understanding of what it feels like for him. He says alcohol is everywhere. Advertisement, at the movies, restaurants, bowling alley, all social events everywhere we go there is alcohol. I never noticed this I guess because I don't think about alcohol.
But I love food, its my downfall. To me it is everywhere. My RAH loves sweets and keeps them here in our house - its my decision whether or not to eat them. If I do, and I go back to him and say I gained a pound because YOU keep this here I am pretty certain he would laugh. If I eat its because I choose to not because he keeps temptation around because temptation is everywhere, not just in my home.
It would be wonderful if your AH would get on board with you but it doesn't sound like that is going to happen. You can do it though, you can do anything you put your mind to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 472
Originally Posted by redatlanta
Misery loves company. Keep reminding yourself of that too, everyone likes to have a drinking partner.
I am not an alcoholic but I live with one. Through him I have much more understanding of what it feels like for him. He says alcohol is everywhere. Advertisement, at the movies, restaurants, bowling alley, all social events everywhere we go there is alcohol. I never noticed this I guess because I don't think about alcohol.
But I love food, its my downfall. To me it is everywhere. My RAH loves sweets and keeps them here in our house - its my decision whether or not to eat them. If I do, and I go back to him and say I gained a pound because YOU keep this here I am pretty certain he would laugh. If I eat its because I choose to not because he keeps temptation around because temptation is everywhere, not just in my home.
It would be wonderful if your AH would get on board with you but it doesn't sound like that is going to happen. You can do it though, you can do anything you put your mind to.
I am not an alcoholic but I live with one. Through him I have much more understanding of what it feels like for him. He says alcohol is everywhere. Advertisement, at the movies, restaurants, bowling alley, all social events everywhere we go there is alcohol. I never noticed this I guess because I don't think about alcohol.
But I love food, its my downfall. To me it is everywhere. My RAH loves sweets and keeps them here in our house - its my decision whether or not to eat them. If I do, and I go back to him and say I gained a pound because YOU keep this here I am pretty certain he would laugh. If I eat its because I choose to not because he keeps temptation around because temptation is everywhere, not just in my home.
It would be wonderful if your AH would get on board with you but it doesn't sound like that is going to happen. You can do it though, you can do anything you put your mind to.
I know it's going to be tough, but yes I agree, I've got to go it alone. I know that I can no longer drink in moderation....tried too many times, now it's time to stop completely Thanks for you support.
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