Forgiveness? Anger?

Old 11-26-2012, 01:27 PM
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Question Forgiveness? Anger?

Right now I cannot ever see this anger going away. It is not an active anger, where I want to act upon it by expressing it. I feel like so much was taken away from me by my addict husband (we are separated) and I just dont feel that it will ever go away. I have heard so many times that we forgive for ourselves. This is a concept I cannot really grasp. How do you forgive when the anger is always there? Maybe I just dont see that it will pass in time. Is it possible that it never will? When the things that have occurred were so great and crossed so many lines that were so important to me...Events that I will never, ever forget, like this last pregnancy (I am getting permanent birth control after this baby is born) being the worst experience possible...So many disappointments and things I will never be able to get back or redo. How could I ever forgive that?
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Old 11-26-2012, 02:03 PM
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Sorry to hear things have been so bad for you Newbeginnings. The idea is to let go of that anger for your sake hun. Anger van twist you up inside. On a etheric level it's like carrying dark energy around with you that will ultimately only do you harm, not him. Forgiveness is the best way to clear that energy and let it go. This will probably feel impossible at the moment, but time does unimaginable things! Ten years ago I could have happily murdered my ex, now I just pity him. Ultimately we forgive others for the sake of our own peace of mind and health.
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Old 11-26-2012, 02:21 PM
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Strangely, I dont feel aggressive anger toward him. Im not sure where the anger is going. It feels at times that I am angry at myself, or angry at "fate," I really dont know. I want to let it go...But I feel that I will never be able to accept that this is my life, that these are how these memories will be remembered when I am laying on my death bed. It seems unfair, cruel... I think the biggest issue, now that I think about it, is that I feel I cannot be at peace. I feel that I am not able to accept this. I am wondering if this could be permanent...or if these turbulent feelings WILL pass... If they do, what would I tell myself about these events to cope with them? It feels as though my life has a hole in it, that the most important things to me, were robbed and stolen away against my will and doing. I dont mean to sound like such a "victim" yet that is how it feels.
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Old 11-26-2012, 03:12 PM
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It probably will take years hunny. And yes I understand how you feel about it being a horrible story in your life. But somehow it willmake you stronger, somehow shine brighter, someday. Have you heard of Bashar's elastic band theory...it states that the further we are pulled back into the darkness the further forward we fly into the light once released. Like an elastic band. You will get stronger and then more able to deal with things in the future, more able to give advice, wiser, more understanding etc. Just try and learn from it all though....try not to make the same mistakes again like I have :-/
Hugs.
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Old 11-26-2012, 07:43 PM
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I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm very early in my journey on recovering and healing myself. There are many days that the anger and disappointment at him surface; but, I the most angry at myself for staying and allowing this disease to take so much from me. I take it one day at a time and focus more on myself and my own sanity. The most important thing I did was get myself into therapy and focus on what I can change-Me. I read a book once that I felt helped me "How Can I Forgive You?: The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To". You may want to look into it.
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Old 11-26-2012, 08:09 PM
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So this is a crapshoot--don't know if it would work for you--but my sponsor suggested to me that i begin to pray for the people i held anger for. my mom was the test case.

she also told me that when you start out, you don't have to feel, or mean, the words you say.

well, she was my sponsor, and i was determined to do everything she told me to do (she has 25 years good sobriety). so i did it.

it worked.
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