What it's like to be sober for me...
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
What it's like to be sober for me...
It took me a while to understand what it's like to be sober. For the longest time I always thought that being sober is just not drinking... I never realized that there is a lot more to it.
In the past I took breaks from drinking. Sometimes a few days, sometimes even weeks. I didn't drink, so I thought I was sober. Only until the "break" would end and I'd get properly wasted on the night of my "come back". Then all over again.
(Just now I understand that during those breaks my addictive voice was never quiet. I had enough will power to last days or weeks, then I or my addiction would find a convenient excuse to get drunk.)
In the early recovery I thought that if I didn't drink for a long time, like a year, then I could certainly control it. The thought of not drinking frightened me. What about my depression and anxiety? All those social functions? My health and life was really on the line here, but my main concern was still on how to drink like those "normal" people.
The first few weeks of sobriety were hell on earth... then strangely enough it became so much better. But it wasn't because I just quit drinking and had no more hangovers. I began to learn about myself and how deep my addiction really was.
To me this is the most amazing thing... the chance to really live your life and discover and experience things they way there were meant to be.
I no longer want to drink like "normal" people. I can go to a wedding and not get annihilated and remember nothing except how my hangover this time is so much worse than the one I had after my friend's b-day party. I don't plan my trips based on the bar proximity. I am not depressed, I am not suffering from crippling anxiety that would send me into panic attacks and cold sweats.
The addictive voice is quiet and controlled.
These are precious things. I am really thankful that I had a chance to discover them.
In the past I took breaks from drinking. Sometimes a few days, sometimes even weeks. I didn't drink, so I thought I was sober. Only until the "break" would end and I'd get properly wasted on the night of my "come back". Then all over again.
(Just now I understand that during those breaks my addictive voice was never quiet. I had enough will power to last days or weeks, then I or my addiction would find a convenient excuse to get drunk.)
In the early recovery I thought that if I didn't drink for a long time, like a year, then I could certainly control it. The thought of not drinking frightened me. What about my depression and anxiety? All those social functions? My health and life was really on the line here, but my main concern was still on how to drink like those "normal" people.
The first few weeks of sobriety were hell on earth... then strangely enough it became so much better. But it wasn't because I just quit drinking and had no more hangovers. I began to learn about myself and how deep my addiction really was.
To me this is the most amazing thing... the chance to really live your life and discover and experience things they way there were meant to be.
I no longer want to drink like "normal" people. I can go to a wedding and not get annihilated and remember nothing except how my hangover this time is so much worse than the one I had after my friend's b-day party. I don't plan my trips based on the bar proximity. I am not depressed, I am not suffering from crippling anxiety that would send me into panic attacks and cold sweats.
The addictive voice is quiet and controlled.
These are precious things. I am really thankful that I had a chance to discover them.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 472
Thank you for the post. For me when I think about my drinking I am so very ashamed. It's years since I have spent a significant time sober and like you I suffer from anxiety and depression. I am determined this time to be sober and your post has been inspirational. It's hard in the beginning phases to imagine that life does get better without a drink, but you have described how much better your life now is.....well done!
Being sober forces me to be accountable - I can't use partying as an excuse anymore. If I show up late, it's MY fault.
Being sober for me is not only not drinking and using drugs. It's living life more fully - making moves on business plans, exploring like I did when I was a kid, and fully appreciating the things that were before just a precursor to drinking (museums, movies, walks, etc.). Living life. When I am drinking, I am running away.When I'm not, I'm running towards life
Being sober for me is not only not drinking and using drugs. It's living life more fully - making moves on business plans, exploring like I did when I was a kid, and fully appreciating the things that were before just a precursor to drinking (museums, movies, walks, etc.). Living life. When I am drinking, I am running away.When I'm not, I'm running towards life
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