Keep working. Keep loving yourselves.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Keep working. Keep loving yourselves.
Hi everyone! I haven’t been around much, I’ve been focusing on changing a great deal about myself, working the program, and working on the Law of Attraction—which is the simple belief that what you put out, comes back to you.
Here’s more information if you’re interested in radically changing your perspective.
Law of Attraction User's Guide
So my youngest son and me have been consciously practicing gratitude. The more we actively look for gratitude during the day, the happier we’ve become. And I mean I am living in outright joy much of the time, even though I am still living with an ever increasingly angry and bizarre active alcoholic. It's hard to believe, but it's true.
I’m in the final stages of moving out of my home with AH. Everyone knows it’s coming. We talk openly about it. But AH is still a pretty difficult person to live with (as I’m sure I can be as well, although he’s consistently the one that everyone else is working to get away from, he’s so negative)
I have resigned from my job as Editor of my trade journal, because of my Narcissistic business partner. It took me two years to even understand what the hell is wrong with that woman; to sort out it’s not really me, and have the courage to disentangle from her.
What a trip that’s been. I resigned in July, after the urgings of many people who approached me, unsolicited, and told me that she was an evil bitch and I needed to get away from her. It was very bizarre, a cosmic intervention of sorts lol, But literally after the third day in a row of someone telling me they had been watching and listening and were convinced that I would do better in the world without this woman, I took a good look at the situation. I started listening. Started looking at her, at our business, and realized that a) I didn’t trust her at all and b) not many other people did either, and c) I was both afraid of her and constantly defensive when she was around but pinpointing exactly why was elusive.
That’s when I realized the why doesn’t matter, and validated myself enough to start moving away from her. It was a tough one, but I’ve been four months free of her and amazing things have happened! I have more work, I am being paid for that work and I am working with people with whom I have mutual respect.
She was stealing from me and the business. She has, in the past four months, totally screwed herself
That other stuff? With AH and the business partner? That’s not a respectful relationship. I don’t care what it was anymore. I tried to figure it out for DECADES and am elated to release it. Doesn’t matter why, or who is at fault, or any of those emotional entanglements.
I know this sounds astronomically silly, but my new “thing” is to only work with and have relationships with people who love me, and I love and respect them.
That means I have to be utterly honest with myself about my relationships with people, I have to validate myself and then NOT analyze or roll around in it, but rather take action.
It’s miraculous.
So, my youngest son and I are looking at apartments about 30 minutes from our home, where my cousin and sister live in a teensy village. You know, cows, farmers, darkness at night and no Starbucks.
We’re both so excited about it. My 14 year old is less so; he’s less immediately affected by his fathers drinking, probably because he’s home less. He’s got friends. A life.
So the real point here is that my youngest son and I have literally transformed out realities, changed our attitude to gratitude. My general happiness level is 5,000 times what it was just four months ago, all because of intentional gratitude practice.
There are times when dealing with AH is astronomically difficult, still, but my recovery time is minimal. For instance, I"m writing this right now as I 'm getting kids up and ready to go. AH was in the living room telling our youngest son to do one thing, after I had told him to do another. So, I came in to "intervene" as he calls it, in a situation I have no business involving myself. I stated what I needed to tell him, ignored his BS and went back to work. Let it go. If it isn't love or respect, walk away and refocus on what is working. On what I love.
I sometimes cry still too, but that usually lasts only a few minutes. It’s a release, not a way of life.
And the thought of leaving again, of living alone with the kids again is exhilarating. I’m reprogramming my brain.
Oh, here’s my favorite new trick: When thoughts of how I screwed up (at anything) or how I can’t do this or that enter my head, I say,
Well, thanks for the suggestion, but I believe _____________________ (Insert positive affirmation here) and I undo that thought.
For instance, this morning I started to panic about how I’m going to support myself (one of my biggest persistent fears) and I said, out loud, Well, thanks for the suggestion, but I believe that riches of all sorts are drawn to me and that I am strong, capable and lovable. We’ll have everything we need and want, especially after I’m in my own place and can think clearly.
And that's the final thing I want to convey here. For months, I have been spinning in pain and fear, unable to imagine myself free of this house, of AH and out of this hole of being so depressed and terrified of him.
So what do you do, when you know you need to change your vision of yourself, but you're too depressed and scared to even imagine yourself alcoholic free?
You. Keep. Trying.
Don't give up, I say. You can do this.
Love, Transform.
Here’s more information if you’re interested in radically changing your perspective.
Law of Attraction User's Guide
So my youngest son and me have been consciously practicing gratitude. The more we actively look for gratitude during the day, the happier we’ve become. And I mean I am living in outright joy much of the time, even though I am still living with an ever increasingly angry and bizarre active alcoholic. It's hard to believe, but it's true.
I’m in the final stages of moving out of my home with AH. Everyone knows it’s coming. We talk openly about it. But AH is still a pretty difficult person to live with (as I’m sure I can be as well, although he’s consistently the one that everyone else is working to get away from, he’s so negative)
I have resigned from my job as Editor of my trade journal, because of my Narcissistic business partner. It took me two years to even understand what the hell is wrong with that woman; to sort out it’s not really me, and have the courage to disentangle from her.
What a trip that’s been. I resigned in July, after the urgings of many people who approached me, unsolicited, and told me that she was an evil bitch and I needed to get away from her. It was very bizarre, a cosmic intervention of sorts lol, But literally after the third day in a row of someone telling me they had been watching and listening and were convinced that I would do better in the world without this woman, I took a good look at the situation. I started listening. Started looking at her, at our business, and realized that a) I didn’t trust her at all and b) not many other people did either, and c) I was both afraid of her and constantly defensive when she was around but pinpointing exactly why was elusive.
That’s when I realized the why doesn’t matter, and validated myself enough to start moving away from her. It was a tough one, but I’ve been four months free of her and amazing things have happened! I have more work, I am being paid for that work and I am working with people with whom I have mutual respect.
She was stealing from me and the business. She has, in the past four months, totally screwed herself
That other stuff? With AH and the business partner? That’s not a respectful relationship. I don’t care what it was anymore. I tried to figure it out for DECADES and am elated to release it. Doesn’t matter why, or who is at fault, or any of those emotional entanglements.
I know this sounds astronomically silly, but my new “thing” is to only work with and have relationships with people who love me, and I love and respect them.
That means I have to be utterly honest with myself about my relationships with people, I have to validate myself and then NOT analyze or roll around in it, but rather take action.
It’s miraculous.
So, my youngest son and I are looking at apartments about 30 minutes from our home, where my cousin and sister live in a teensy village. You know, cows, farmers, darkness at night and no Starbucks.
We’re both so excited about it. My 14 year old is less so; he’s less immediately affected by his fathers drinking, probably because he’s home less. He’s got friends. A life.
So the real point here is that my youngest son and I have literally transformed out realities, changed our attitude to gratitude. My general happiness level is 5,000 times what it was just four months ago, all because of intentional gratitude practice.
There are times when dealing with AH is astronomically difficult, still, but my recovery time is minimal. For instance, I"m writing this right now as I 'm getting kids up and ready to go. AH was in the living room telling our youngest son to do one thing, after I had told him to do another. So, I came in to "intervene" as he calls it, in a situation I have no business involving myself. I stated what I needed to tell him, ignored his BS and went back to work. Let it go. If it isn't love or respect, walk away and refocus on what is working. On what I love.
I sometimes cry still too, but that usually lasts only a few minutes. It’s a release, not a way of life.
And the thought of leaving again, of living alone with the kids again is exhilarating. I’m reprogramming my brain.
Oh, here’s my favorite new trick: When thoughts of how I screwed up (at anything) or how I can’t do this or that enter my head, I say,
Well, thanks for the suggestion, but I believe _____________________ (Insert positive affirmation here) and I undo that thought.
For instance, this morning I started to panic about how I’m going to support myself (one of my biggest persistent fears) and I said, out loud, Well, thanks for the suggestion, but I believe that riches of all sorts are drawn to me and that I am strong, capable and lovable. We’ll have everything we need and want, especially after I’m in my own place and can think clearly.
And that's the final thing I want to convey here. For months, I have been spinning in pain and fear, unable to imagine myself free of this house, of AH and out of this hole of being so depressed and terrified of him.
So what do you do, when you know you need to change your vision of yourself, but you're too depressed and scared to even imagine yourself alcoholic free?
You. Keep. Trying.
Don't give up, I say. You can do this.
Love, Transform.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Thank you so much for the update! You have been on my mind a lot
lately, and yes, being a good codie I was a bit worried about you.
Sounds like you have done some some real growing these last few
months!
What an awesome post!!!!
Keep up the good work.
Love and hugs,
lately, and yes, being a good codie I was a bit worried about you.
Sounds like you have done some some real growing these last few
months!
What an awesome post!!!!
Keep up the good work.
Love and hugs,
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Hi Laurie! Thank you Honey, we're doing better than ever. It's sort of hard to believe at times, but the momentum is picking up and I keep accepting the gifts offered me. Mainly joy 
I hope you're well too. Hope your lovely critters are well.
I hope you're well too. Hope your lovely critters are well.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Transformy
You are the BESTEST!!
So glad you are glad! I will practice intentional gratitude as well !
my new “thing” is to only work with and have relationships with people who love me, and I love and respect them.
ME TOO... deep within I KNOW who loves me, and who is not adding to my life.
I am also exercising the "being able to receive" part of life which has been difficult for me... this last weekend I accepted compliments.. help from strangers.... I traveled alone and sometimes I felt uneasy but 90% of my time was spent relaxing, having fun, enjoying the moment ..
We deserve good things and a good life .. we deserve to love and be loved freely.
I am thankful for you, a very special SR friend!
You are the BESTEST!!
So glad you are glad! I will practice intentional gratitude as well !
my new “thing” is to only work with and have relationships with people who love me, and I love and respect them.
ME TOO... deep within I KNOW who loves me, and who is not adding to my life.
I am also exercising the "being able to receive" part of life which has been difficult for me... this last weekend I accepted compliments.. help from strangers.... I traveled alone and sometimes I felt uneasy but 90% of my time was spent relaxing, having fun, enjoying the moment ..
We deserve good things and a good life .. we deserve to love and be loved freely.
I am thankful for you, a very special SR friend!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
PS I was also stuck at a dead end job, had no life , no sleep, and an abusive "manager"... after letting that go I moved to another state-with no alkie, wacko therapist, or last cheating XBF memories-.. now, things are not perfect but my current team lead urges me to leave early, even! and I got more time for myself and more time to invest on my health. Good things come when we let go, I am convinced
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Yes, good things happen when we let go, perfect! I"m glad to see you here TC, I have missed all my friends here. Where is Ms. Beth, that lovely soul?
I had a little dip today, AH is for some reason quite furious that I"m moving out, not sure why, so he's making his unhappiness known. The faster I let go, the happier I am!
I had a little dip today, AH is for some reason quite furious that I"m moving out, not sure why, so he's making his unhappiness known. The faster I let go, the happier I am!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
Divine post! I am familiar with the Law of Attraction....my issue is not following through with what I know will assist in lasting hapineness and sobriety. Thanks so much for the reminder and inspiring post.
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