CaliBohemian

I haven't visited this site in a little over a year, and apparently I haven't posted since last August. A few things have changed in my life. I lost a parent to liver disease last year. It was the first time I'd seen actual serious consequences to abusing alcohol. I kept drinking for a few months after that because it was rather traumatic for me, and I didn't know how else to deal with it at the time, but I ultimately decided to quit.

I feel awful saying this, but the thing that led directly to my quitting wasn't my family tragedy; it was seeing my bloated, sweaty face tagged in a candid picture on Facebook. It has been several months since I quit, and things started to improve fairly quickly. Several people asked if I'd lost weight (I didn't, but the bloating and flushing went away.) I feel less drained and exhausted, and my mind feels clearer, although I do feel "old." I was assigned to a new team at work. They all drink, but they're cool with my non-drinking. I've developed kind of a mystique because I'm pretty open about my past--they've never seen me drunk, but they knew that I boozed my way through life until shortly before they met me. I never thought that being the one sober guy would make me seem more "interesting," but that has totally happened. I don't have much of a social life, but staying home and reading is much better than dealing with the chaos and drama that accompanies the partier's lifestyle. In other words, my entire life has improved (although I'm still sad about the loss of my dear family member.) I feel like I'm stuck, though. I feel like I'm living a life I've outgrown--a life designed by and for a partier. I'm still working night shifts, and I'm still stuck in a job that pays poorly. I'd love to move on, but I'm finding it extremely difficult. I'm trying to find a new, better-paying job, but my resume and salary history reveal a life spent avoiding any extra responsibility. I don't get many interviews. It's like I'm reaping the social and professional costs of a life spent on barstools and at house parties.

For those of you that have some sober time behind you, I have to ask: have any of you, after being sober for a while, looked around and felt like you'd outgrown your life? How long did it take for things to change after going off the sauce? Were you able to change things in your life beyond the health improvements that come naturally with quitting drinking? Was it a difficult, arduous struggle, or did things come together naturally? I'd love to hear your stories.

Thank you in advance, brothers and sisters.

SomethingBetter

Glad you posted CaliBohemian,

I am sorry to hear about your loss, that’s never easy.

Like you I just recently started posting again, I have been struggling lately, not really with picking up but with life in general, maybe you are looking for a more supportive answer but all I have is my experience, I am sure others will chime in.

I don’t know that this is an answer to your question but I can certainly relate. The only life I knew was drinking and being around people who partied heavy. In school I never fit in, until alcohol that is, then everything was great, until later in life, now after alcohol has been removed I don’t really care to be the life of the party, I don’t care for small talk, I don’t have many friends and at times that’s ok, at other times I wonder why.

Even my job isn’t as satisfying, I don’t do many of the things I did when I was drinking, and I guess I am in a time of discovery, discovering who I am, who I have become or who I was, and that’s ok, but I do feel sad and lonely at times.

So, yes I feel like I have outgrown my old life, but I am still me, the health benefits are definitely a plus.

Keep posting, as you may know there are a lot of good people here.

artsoul

Welcome back, Cali!

Something I noticed when I got sober is that I had very little patience. I was used to an instant fix after all.... I also found that I spent a lot of time in negative thinking (especially about myself) and worrying about the future. I would overwhelm myself and then wonder why I wanted to drink.

So for me, it was important to change my thinking, to learn to stay in the moment more and let things unfold in their own time. My outer circumstance haven't change all that much in the 2 1/2 years I've been sober, but I've changed - I'm happier and more peaceful. I'm able to enjoy each day and not get so wrapped up my own head. I think that helps me in every area of my life (job, money, relationships, whatever)......

I think when we feel bored or unfulfilled, it's important to listen to those feelings and start brainstorming about things we'd like to do. It might be something simple..... I took up knitting because it gave me something to do in the evening and I like doing things with my hands. It might be something like a job change, or a lifestyle change, which takes a little more planning. I think you just have to start somewhere and break it into manageable bites, do what you can today and try to enjoy the journey along the way....

Dee74

Welcome back Cali - I'm sorry for your loss.

I definitely felt as if I'd outgrown my old life, but my old life was one that revolved around alcohol, so that was a no-brainer really.

It wasn't so much a focus on the material things for me tho - it was a personal internal journey more than anything else....I'm still poor, I still have indifferent health etc etc...but the way I react and respond to those things is totally different now to the way I used to.

I agree with artsoul tho

if you don't like your life as it is, there's *always* things you can do, even if the big changes might be out of your reach, for now - start small like she suggested and work your way up.

D