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I insulted my husband about his addiction past during an argument! Advice?



I insulted my husband about his addiction past during an argument! Advice?

Old 11-25-2012, 11:16 AM
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I insulted my husband about his addiction past during an argument! Advice?

My husband and i got married last year after meeting 3yrs ago, 11months after we met i gave birth to our son, i completely messed up my BC when we met. Before we met he was a drug addict but had been clean for 4mnths before we met. He travels alot for work and my son and i travel with him but when he goes to Europe i choose to stay at home as i feel its too much for our son, my husband can fully support us both, He always says that he doesnt know how he got so lucky in life after all the sh!t he done and that our son and I are his meaning for life, That we keep him together, We almost never really argue but at times he can be very standoffish and arrogrant with others.

Last night we were out with friends & he told me that her A heated arguemnt started between us about something personal, him telling me to "grow the f*ck up & that i was acting like a stupid f*cking school girl" that hurt me as he never spoke to me like that before and i stupidly crossed the line and told him that he should ease up on the drink because we didn't want him to relapse into his old ways (even though he only had one) he just looked at me and walked out, As soon as i said it i regretted it and Im furious with myself for saying that to him as he didn't deserve it at all. He is now giving me the silent treatment, When i try talking to him he just gives me a horrible look and walks away or starts playing with our son and its driving me crazy, We have never been like this in our relationship and i hate that i caused this, I keep crying with frustration. I've messed up big time and terrified i've ruined things, How can i fix this?
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Old 11-25-2012, 11:21 AM
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Say your sorry and move on.
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Old 11-25-2012, 11:25 AM
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Yep say you are sorry and move on.

Your husband is not in recovery. Recovered A's do not have even 1 drink because
they know where that drink leads them.

I know, I am a RA for many years.

Sounds to me like you have a relapse in the making. I would suggest you get
thy self to some Alanon meetings. Try at least 6 different ones to get an idea
which ones feel more like they fit with than others. Please start working on
yourself as I believe this will get worse before it gets better.

Love and hugs,
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Old 11-25-2012, 11:26 AM
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You both said things that shouldn't have been said. Apologize for your part and let it go.
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Old 11-25-2012, 11:38 AM
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I think this runs deeper than an argument. I agree that meetings may help you find your balance and protect yourself in days ahead.

Welcome to SR.

Hugs
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Old 11-25-2012, 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by LeahP View Post
How can i fix this?
Here's some info that may be helpful to you, give you some ideas for where to go now in your relationship with your husband:

Disrespectful Judgments
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Old 11-25-2012, 02:27 PM
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I think that honest communication is the best way to handle it. If you regret what you said then tell him so. If you feel that he has worked hard to change his life and is strong in his recovery, then tell him that you recognize this, and because of that you know how inappropriate your comments were. I would also be honest and tell him that his words hurt you; that you were not used to that type of speak from him, and reacted from a place of wanting to hurt him back. And again, I would be honest, and tell him that you don’t want the silent treatment, the distance between you; instead you want to talk and resolve any conflicts. It sounds like you have a good relationship overall, so Im sure you can get through this just fine.
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