jcandrian

I have a son who is bipolar and board line personality disorder and who smokes pot. He is clean of hard drugs at the moment, so I invited him for thanksgiving. My daughter refused to come, which broke my heart more than I can say. We have tried for many years to get him the help he needs, my issue is was I wrong to invite him for a holiday dinner. If so how do I stop in abling him, where do I find the strength to turn him away. He is clean right now, but isn't dealing with his mental issues.

zanzibar

Welcome jcandrian. I don't think you have to completely anhialate someone from your life in order to not enable him. So I don't think you were wrong for inviting your son. But this is based on what you said, how do you feel you're enabling him? I am sorry your daughter didn't come. Did she say why?

It almost seems like there are large pieces of this story that are missing.

As for getting him help I don't think you'll be very succesful pushing an adult into this unless he realises he needs help for his mental issues.

There's a friends and family of substance abusers forum on this site. Maybe read around and post, someone may have more ideas than I do.

Fernaceman

It doesn't sound wrong nor seem like you an enabling him simply by inviting him over for a holiday dinner. Has there been issues in the past with him at holidays? What reason did your daughter give for being uncomfortable. At first glance it seems like there is an issue between her and her brother, not you and your children.

Delilah1

I agree with Fernaceman, sounds like all you did was invite him to Thanksgiving Dinner.

sugarbear1

smoking pot isn't clean. pot does change the brain.

Have you considered Al Anon? Those steps are life savers!