Daughter of alcoholic in denial in need of help
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2
Daughter of alcoholic in denial in need of help
Hi... My dad's drinking has been a problem for about 7 years now at least, but I'm usually away from my parents' house so have managed to 'forget' as of late. But now that I'm back home, it's getting annoying, and my dad just had a massive argument with me and my mum for no real reason, and tried to remind me of when I'd tried to commit suicide (times I'd rather forget) and criticised me for my lack of employment recently, even though I'm signed off work after an operation and had been trying hard to find a job before. I cried quite a lot, and I really hate this whole thing, because I know he won't remember a thing about it tomorrow morning and it'll all just happen again. What can I do? I can't move out until I'm fit to work, and I'm just really fed up of all this. 
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Even if you could move out tomorrow, the fact will still remain that you have been affected by someone else's alcoholism. The affects can be lasting.
There is a support group designed for people like you and I. It is Al Anon. It is a support group based on the same 12 steps as AA, but the program is tailored to meet the needs of Friends and Family members of alcoholics.
If you live in a large community, you may be able to find ACOA meetings. ACOA is Adult Children of Alcoholics.
You are welcome to spend as much time as needed reading and posting here. We are open 24/7 and have members from all across the globe.
My recommendation is to not engage with an active drinker. I would remove myself from the room of my alcoholic when he had a beer in his hand. I learned it was best not to be a visible target for whatever drunken behavior was about to happen.
There is a support group designed for people like you and I. It is Al Anon. It is a support group based on the same 12 steps as AA, but the program is tailored to meet the needs of Friends and Family members of alcoholics.
If you live in a large community, you may be able to find ACOA meetings. ACOA is Adult Children of Alcoholics.
You are welcome to spend as much time as needed reading and posting here. We are open 24/7 and have members from all across the globe.
My recommendation is to not engage with an active drinker. I would remove myself from the room of my alcoholic when he had a beer in his hand. I learned it was best not to be a visible target for whatever drunken behavior was about to happen.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Welcome, squirrel. I can totally relate to being fed up. Pelican's ideas above do work; I hope you try a few Al-Anon meetings.
It really sucks when the A hits below the belt. And I mean - hitting every sore spot they know you have. It's common alcoholic behavior, and it won't change until and unless her decides to get sober. The only way I could handle it (and not for long) was to remove myself from situations where it was getting volatile. Do you and your Mom have a safe place to go to get away from those kinds of arguments?
It really sucks when the A hits below the belt. And I mean - hitting every sore spot they know you have. It's common alcoholic behavior, and it won't change until and unless her decides to get sober. The only way I could handle it (and not for long) was to remove myself from situations where it was getting volatile. Do you and your Mom have a safe place to go to get away from those kinds of arguments?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by Pelican 
Even if you could move out tomorrow, the fact will still remain that you have been affected by someone else's alcoholism. The affects can be lasting.
There is a support group designed for people like you and I. It is Al Anon. It is a support group based on the same 12 steps as AA, but the program is tailored to meet the needs of Friends and Family members of alcoholics.
If you live in a large community, you may be able to find ACOA meetings. ACOA is Adult Children of Alcoholics.
You are welcome to spend as much time as needed reading and posting here. We are open 24/7 and have members from all across the globe.
My recommendation is to not engage with an active drinker. I would remove myself from the room of my alcoholic when he had a beer in his hand. I learned it was best not to be a visible target for whatever drunken behavior was about to happen.
There is a support group designed for people like you and I. It is Al Anon. It is a support group based on the same 12 steps as AA, but the program is tailored to meet the needs of Friends and Family members of alcoholics.
If you live in a large community, you may be able to find ACOA meetings. ACOA is Adult Children of Alcoholics.
You are welcome to spend as much time as needed reading and posting here. We are open 24/7 and have members from all across the globe.
My recommendation is to not engage with an active drinker. I would remove myself from the room of my alcoholic when he had a beer in his hand. I learned it was best not to be a visible target for whatever drunken behavior was about to happen.
He apologised to me for his behaviour yesterday, which was a good sign, I think, but I really hope he doesn't see this topic because he wouldn't want me calling him an alcoholic. I've drunk rather a lot in the past, too, but generally I'm just happy, silly and sleepy when I'm drunk and don't start arguments. I don't drink so much now, though.
Originally Posted by Tuffgirl
Welcome, squirrel. I can totally relate to being fed up. Pelican's ideas above do work; I hope you try a few Al-Anon meetings.
It really sucks when the A hits below the belt. And I mean - hitting every sore spot they know you have. It's common alcoholic behavior, and it won't change until and unless her decides to get sober. The only way I could handle it (and not for long) was to remove myself from situations where it was getting volatile. Do you and your Mom have a safe place to go to get away from those kinds of arguments?
It really sucks when the A hits below the belt. And I mean - hitting every sore spot they know you have. It's common alcoholic behavior, and it won't change until and unless her decides to get sober. The only way I could handle it (and not for long) was to remove myself from situations where it was getting volatile. Do you and your Mom have a safe place to go to get away from those kinds of arguments?
I think we could probably go to my Gran's house if things got really out of hand, but that'd be a last resort, I think, because there wouldn't be enough sleeping room for both of us. I honestly can't see him becoming sober at all... I mean, it wouldn't be so bad if the volume of alcohol wasn't so much. But what can you do? 
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