how to say no
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: indiana, indiana
Posts: 17
how to say no
It's yet another day I swear I will stop drinking. In the last week my daughter called the cops, neighbors, friends and coworkers, because I left with a man she didn't know and thought I was kidnapped. I was so drunk I don't remember it. Last night I brought a strange man to my home-kids are not home. I tell myself I can stop but I have thought about drinking all day and wanted to go buy beer at 10am. I am antisocial and very introverted. AA makes me anxious, I don't know who to turn to or where to go. I don't know alcoholics that I can go to for advice. So it's always, "this is the last time" or "I am quitting". And day 2 I'm out buying a 12 pack.
I need help and I have no friends to turn. My one friend is a xanax-popping, beer-drinking drunk also. Which is why she is my only friend.
I may or may not end up back on this website, but it feels good to vent.
I need help and I have no friends to turn. My one friend is a xanax-popping, beer-drinking drunk also. Which is why she is my only friend.
I may or may not end up back on this website, but it feels good to vent.
Trudger of Happy Destiny
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 1,918
You could always go to AA and not say anything. I used to put an incredible amount of pressure on myself to say "something profound." Turns out I was just using that time to "plan" my speech instead of listening to the wisdom of others.
Once I stopped doing that and decided that I didn't HAVE to say anything, it got easier.
Just my two cents.
Once I stopped doing that and decided that I didn't HAVE to say anything, it got easier.
Just my two cents.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Squeek - I wandered in here totally lost. I'd been drinking my whole life & couldn't imagine going without it. Yet I was miserable - I just knew my life was meant to be more joyful, not just going through the motions.
When I joined I was amazed at how many people had been through the exact same thing I had. They had found a way out, and were now happy and free. I wanted what they had. So I stayed here. Not right away, but after awhile - I found the strength to let go of it. I reached out for help, and everyone supported me and helped me find my way. You can do it, too. I hope you'll stay with us and give a sober life a shot. You don't have to live that way anymore.
When I joined I was amazed at how many people had been through the exact same thing I had. They had found a way out, and were now happy and free. I wanted what they had. So I stayed here. Not right away, but after awhile - I found the strength to let go of it. I reached out for help, and everyone supported me and helped me find my way. You can do it, too. I hope you'll stay with us and give a sober life a shot. You don't have to live that way anymore.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
If you actually stop and stay sober for a month, you might get a chance to realize there is more to life then the prison that booze keeps you in. The prison door is unlocked, just open the door. AA or not, you have to decide for you first. AA can help you walk and stand, but you first have to get up on your own.
Keep posting, we are all professional ex drunks ;-)
Keep posting, we are all professional ex drunks ;-)
Jules
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: ohio
Posts: 279
Welcome Squeek. I think we have been in that dark horrible place that alcohol brings. I to felt very isolated as drinking just made me anti-social and withdraw from people. There is hope for a better life, but it is hard to find when actively using.
I agree with Furnaceman about AA. I'm not a regular but have been to a few meetings. There are all different kind of meetings in my town and a lot of people "meeting shop" to find their niche. I put pressure on myself too to say something profound, to the point I was missing the message.....then I decided to shut up and listen.
Know that there is a better way, a better life and that there is alot of love and support here from people who have been where you are. Take care.
I agree with Furnaceman about AA. I'm not a regular but have been to a few meetings. There are all different kind of meetings in my town and a lot of people "meeting shop" to find their niche. I put pressure on myself too to say something profound, to the point I was missing the message.....then I decided to shut up and listen.
Know that there is a better way, a better life and that there is alot of love and support here from people who have been where you are. Take care.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Hi squeek
I hope you do come back - there's some great advice and support here
AA or not, I think if you want change in your life you have to be prepared to make changes - changes in where you hang out, who you hang out with, and changes in the way you think about alcohol and the way you deal with situations.
I don't regret any of the changes I made. I'm finally back to being the real me - not that drunken mess
oh ...and you say no. It gets easier - and if anyone doesn't accept your no, maybe you need to put some distance between you and those types of people for a while.
D
I hope you do come back - there's some great advice and support here
AA or not, I think if you want change in your life you have to be prepared to make changes - changes in where you hang out, who you hang out with, and changes in the way you think about alcohol and the way you deal with situations.
I don't regret any of the changes I made. I'm finally back to being the real me - not that drunken mess
oh ...and you say no. It gets easier - and if anyone doesn't accept your no, maybe you need to put some distance between you and those types of people for a while.
D
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Hi Squeek, I was buried under a big black dog of depression for months, with anxiety that made it impossible for me to leave the house. Except to grab one more 40 of vodka for me to empty and add to my growing collection. I know about isolation and anxiety too.
There are lots of alkies (and former ones too) around here with plenty o' advice for you. What advice would you like? Would you like to hear that life will be all skittles and unicorns, if only you would follow this magic recipe? That there is a universal answer to your puzzle?
I don't believe that there is any ****** to getting and staying sober. I believe that we each need to find our own answer to this. You tell yourself that you can stop, and that is a good start, and the only way to start. The next step is to tell yourself that you have stopped. Past tense. Not 'will stop' soon, because that soon time is somewhere off in the future fog of hangovers and booze. Nope, you have stopped, you quit, you no longer drink. In any situation, no matter what.
All that stuff can be behind you, Squeek. Can you say 'I quit yesterday'? Can you say 'I don't have to ever feel this bad again'? Can you say 'I choose to have a good life because I deserve it'?
You can be free, Squeek. You have the ability and the power to choose. Keep posting. There is lots of support here for you.
There are lots of alkies (and former ones too) around here with plenty o' advice for you. What advice would you like? Would you like to hear that life will be all skittles and unicorns, if only you would follow this magic recipe? That there is a universal answer to your puzzle?
I don't believe that there is any ****** to getting and staying sober. I believe that we each need to find our own answer to this. You tell yourself that you can stop, and that is a good start, and the only way to start. The next step is to tell yourself that you have stopped. Past tense. Not 'will stop' soon, because that soon time is somewhere off in the future fog of hangovers and booze. Nope, you have stopped, you quit, you no longer drink. In any situation, no matter what.
All that stuff can be behind you, Squeek. Can you say 'I quit yesterday'? Can you say 'I don't have to ever feel this bad again'? Can you say 'I choose to have a good life because I deserve it'?
You can be free, Squeek. You have the ability and the power to choose. Keep posting. There is lots of support here for you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
Welcome to SR!
You arent the only one that has felt this way...not by a looong shot my friend. Please keep posting....there is lots of great support here. You can change your life....countless others have.
You arent the only one that has felt this way...not by a looong shot my friend. Please keep posting....there is lots of great support here. You can change your life....countless others have.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by squeek 
...I don't know who to turn to or where to go. I don't know alcoholics that I can go to for advice.
Plenty of alcoholics on SR too, so I hope you'll stick around here for the support and advice we can give.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
When you go out and buy a 12-pack on Day 2, does that make things better for you? In my experience, there's nothing that can't be made worse by drinking. You don't have to go out and find a lot of ex-drunk friends. Most of my friends are either normal functioning social drinkers or still active alcoholics; there aren't lots of ex-problem drinkers in my social circle, other than myself. Meetings can be helpful, and the people you meet there can be of assistance to you, but the real struggle lies within.
I knew for years that I needed to stop drinking. I finally did stop drinking when I reached a point in my life where I realized that my drinking was the cause of most of the problems in my life: emotional, financial, physical...I was damaging my life with every drink I took. Once I had that realization, I prayed (yes, to God) for help with my problem, and I poured out the beers I had in my house. Went to AA, found this site, and did lots of other things to help me stay alcohol-free. (I also do very negative things for my sobriety, like working in a bar and hanging out with people who drink a lot.) But no matter how much alcohol I'm surrounded by, or how many of my friends are getting tanked, it's something I don't mess with, because I remember how bad things were in my life when I was drinking. I don't need a sober buddy or poker chip or pithy saying to keep myself from drinking. I either keep going the way I'm going and enjoy my life (which is awesome), or I start drinking again and end up sad, broke, lonely, desperate, depressed, unemployed, emotionally unavailable...All that stuff kinda sucks. So I'll just stay away from it and keep staying booze-free.
Best of luck to you, and my prayers as well. If alcohol is causing problems in your life, wouldn't it make sense that to remove those problems, you need to remove the cause?
I knew for years that I needed to stop drinking. I finally did stop drinking when I reached a point in my life where I realized that my drinking was the cause of most of the problems in my life: emotional, financial, physical...I was damaging my life with every drink I took. Once I had that realization, I prayed (yes, to God) for help with my problem, and I poured out the beers I had in my house. Went to AA, found this site, and did lots of other things to help me stay alcohol-free. (I also do very negative things for my sobriety, like working in a bar and hanging out with people who drink a lot.) But no matter how much alcohol I'm surrounded by, or how many of my friends are getting tanked, it's something I don't mess with, because I remember how bad things were in my life when I was drinking. I don't need a sober buddy or poker chip or pithy saying to keep myself from drinking. I either keep going the way I'm going and enjoy my life (which is awesome), or I start drinking again and end up sad, broke, lonely, desperate, depressed, unemployed, emotionally unavailable...All that stuff kinda sucks. So I'll just stay away from it and keep staying booze-free.
Best of luck to you, and my prayers as well. If alcohol is causing problems in your life, wouldn't it make sense that to remove those problems, you need to remove the cause?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: London
Posts: 122
You don't have to make any more posts. (please do) You can always just look and read.
I wish you and everyone ALL the success. The wisdom of those who have failed in the past and succeeded now and in the future is here on this board to be acted upon.
I too had the morning voice in my head "never again!!" "thats it, I am stopping as of now!"
The mid morning, afternoon and evening voice in my head had other ideas! I am working on ignoring the bad voice and making the real ME, the good voice, stronger. I'm in two minds about it, seems more than apt.
I wish you and everyone ALL the success. The wisdom of those who have failed in the past and succeeded now and in the future is here on this board to be acted upon.
I too had the morning voice in my head "never again!!" "thats it, I am stopping as of now!"
The mid morning, afternoon and evening voice in my head had other ideas! I am working on ignoring the bad voice and making the real ME, the good voice, stronger. I'm in two minds about it, seems more than apt.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Wonderful, I'm so glad you returned. Good for you!
I didn't have anyone to turn to either, but in the end I found that having to face myself and do this for myself helped me. We are always here to offer support!
I didn't have anyone to turn to either, but in the end I found that having to face myself and do this for myself helped me. We are always here to offer support!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
Wow!!! Congratulations Squeek! You seem to be doing well. If you want to find out more, or want to be part of a community of similar people keep posting here and perhaps try AA, SMART Recover, Rational Recover, Women for Sobriety, Life Ring . . . I'm sure there are others. Doesn't if feel wonderful to wake up in the morning without all that regret and guilt?
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