Tarot

That sounds awful doesn't it but I am so pleased that at least now he will have some clean time to get out of his insanity and able to think. He's just called me from the police station. I wasn't sympathetic in the slightest. He probably thinks I am being a complete bitch but I'm not being false...I'm glad, I hope he gets sent down for months. Maybe then he will have enough time to get his head together. I just would really appreciate some guidance here on how to handle this. I am starting to manage to crawl out of my heartbreak here and realise that he is too much for me to cope with, that I want a healthy happy relationship with some one who will be good for me, if it's possible for me to be attracted to some one like that being a hopeless cody. Yes yes I still love him and still hope he sorts himself out and some magic makes us stronger and happy ever after but that's me just deluding myself and the likelihood is he will never be anything other than a junkie. Isn't it?? Plus I still feel responsible for lending him a helping hand, although he certainly doesn't deserve it!! Even if it is to reach rock bottom. What do I do?? How do I play this?? He was in court a couple of weeks ago and he got let off as long as he followed his program and went to rehab, kept appointments etc, surely they won't let him off so easy this time will they? He will have been shoplifting. He does manage to worm himself out of everything but his luck must have run thin this time. How should I handle this???lmao

chicory

Can you detach , with love?

Take care of yourself and let him worry about his own life. Is he worried about you?

funny, the active addicts/alcoholics could give us lessons on not worrying about anyone else, couldn't they?

Ann

Tarot, maybe some meetings would help you heal and also help you figure out why you can make a bad choice. You can find your balance, learn from all this and learn how to have healthy boundaries that will keep you from falling into the addiction trap again.

Hope you find some way to grow and move forward with your life, regardless of how he does with his,

Hugs

Tarot

No Chicory...I don't believe he does worry about me... he says he does but certainly doesn't act like he does. He doesn't call to see how I'm doing only to wallow in self pity. He doesn't care that we are broke he just worries about feeding his habit and that of whoever's sofa he's sleeping on. Oh he tells me he loves me but will leave me in bits having caused an argument over nothing so he can storm out and off to his dealer.

I am getting stronger where he is concerned but I have a long way to go to sort my stinking thinking as far as my codependancy is concerned Anne but at least I am recognizing it now. I have read Melody Beattie and made an appointment to see a counselor and am going to my Al Anon meetigs. But I am still far from cured but I am a work in progress lol. Thanks guyz x

Tarot

I remember my ex-husband getting out of jail. I had struggled with a new baby and three young boys on my own while he was in there. My only reward was that he was clean in there. My only gift were the letters he sent so full of apologies and remorse and promises and love. After 6 months he used on the second day out. I had learned though bu then that I could not only cope better without him around. We split up not long after that for good. I never looked back but never looked at what made me stay for so long in that hell. I guess I'm a slow learner!!

oooopps

I remember feeling so relieved when my ex would be in jail/prison... in fact I've reported him before to his parole officer so that he could get taken away and be off of heroin. While he was in there, I'd be wishing and praying that he will have an epiphany and want to get on the right path in life aka wishful thinking that we will start over and be happy...

Nope.
The vicious cycle always repeats.

Jail or No Jail... start finding a way out. Love doesnt hurt and you will never find that healthy supporting love if you keep holding on to this toxic relationship.

Tarot

Thankyou Oooops that's just what I needed to hear. I can let go of that false hope that he will come to his senses inside. Besides I think I will know what recovery sounds like and even though he quacks about it a lot he just isn't saying the right things. I'm pretty sure I will know it when I hear it. I'm not gonna hold my breath. I'm not going to look at it as an opportunity for change in him but instead simply as Karma. He's gone and s rewed up his rehab place now too....not that I was holding out much hope on that...I think he was using that to keep me sweet and as s get out of jail free card. Why dont I trust my instincts??? They're always proven right too! They just get pushed down behind wishful thinking. He didn't really want to go to rehab...he didn't really want to get clean. He just wanted it all. God bless you Karma!!

oooopps

False hope or not, there is a chance that he could miraculously be clean and stay clean one day but that's not the point.

The main issue is do you want to invest your time, energy and happiness waiting for something that may or may not happen? In my opinion, the risk is too great, the injuries are too grave, and when you get older and older, you will regret.

Now that I've more time recovering from my own codependency... I realized that if I were to be with someone, he should be a healthy person to begin with. I dont want to spend my time and energy trying to save and love someone into being a partner for me. There's people that dont need fixing out there and those are the people that you build relationships with.

Think with your head, not your heart. You can do this, if you want to.

Impurrfect

((Tarot)) - I'm both an RA and a codie who has loved ones who were/are A's. I can tell you one thing from my experience.

When my 3rd (yes, 3rd...slow learner) XABF was locked up, I heard all the promises, all that I wanted to hear, but time after time, he went right back to the 'hood and using.

I call it "jail talk" and have to admit, I am guilty of having used it when I was in jail.

That's not to say he can't find recovery. I chose recovery when I relapsed, was facing prison (would have been a first for me) and I finally realized "I can't do this any more".

Personally, even though I am an RA? I wouldn't trust another RA without a solid year of recovery. I would go by their actions, not their words. I would keep working on ME.

I've learned all this from the great people here.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Vale

>>>>>>I've learned all this from the great people here.<<<<<<<

me too!!!

Tarot

13 days....that's all they have given him! Thats not even going to give him time to get his head back together! Typical! He Quacked on about how he was going to get his rehab sorted out from in there and how much he loved me then asked me to send him money in hahaha....erm NO! Grrrr I'm so annoyed....13 days what's that gonna do!!

hello-kitty

13 days... 13 years... it doesn't matter. He'll get clean when the pain caused by using is worse than the pain caused by not using. And not a moment before.

Keep the focus on you.

You have 13 days. What are you going to do with them?

dollydo

So, what are you doing for yourself? It's not about him getting his head together, it's about you getting your head together. Why do you accept calls from him?

Tarot

Yes I was thinking that. It's a great time to just be a to focus on getting over him. To not have to worry and let that last little bit of hope go. I listened to him quack on about sorting rehab out but now I don't take any of it seriously. He's been saying that for months whilst using more and more and falling off his chair in the odd meeting he managed to catch. It's all a game to him...hook a duck...well I'm not going to play anymore. I think I'm answering the phone just to hear the quack quack quack and that's getting very boring now. In 13 days I would hope I will be long gone. I am getting there.