Please help with advice or someone that has gone through this
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Please help with advice or someone that has gone through this
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Today, 05:00 PM #1 (permalink)
helpless111
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1 Please help
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Hi,
I am glad I came upon this post and need some help, if any one reading this can reply please help.
My siuation is:
My boyfriend of 7 years had never done a drug in his life when i met him.
he was in the middle of a divorce. I then was doing cocaine some amd unfortuntelly introduced him to this drug. he had never done any thing because he is a focuser and has 3 degress and his masters is from a big name college n the top five.
Well anyway, I was doing it with him and he began to love the sex that came with doing this drug. I started to get depressed after doing usually after the second day. I became where I did not like to do it.
Now its been a spiral downhill. I live with him and lost my job in Feb. 2012 and have hard a time finding one, I have been on unemployment and hate the fact I am.
I have been looking and interviewing, I decided to give up my car as well becasue it had a bunch of recalls on it and was a total lemon.
I have fixed my credit and have good credit as well in the past 6 months.
I have gone thorugh my savings and decided to rent when needing a car until find a stable job , I didnt want the commitment of a car payment until working .
Well here is what is happening with him, he is a control freak and a good manupulator, he pays the rent and two bills . The week before halloween i did some coke with him and became depressed I went to work out to sweat it outand told him I didnt like it..... it started on a Friday and I was depressed Sunday and Monday...well anyway he continued snorting it on Sat and Sunday . His nose started bleeding when he does it and it got on the sheets towels etc... I spend that MOnday cleaning all the linens and bought him a box of kleenex...Well I was up very late that Mon. night. he was drinking again( btw the drinks vodka or wine every night) to sleep. I heard a text go off , this is where I went wrong he asked me to come to bed and I kept saying hold on, I then was just turning of my computer and heard the front door close I saw him go out and ran out and asked him where he wa going, he said I am going to the ATM I owe you some money. it was close too 4 am in the morning. I knew was meeting a dealer that delivers and takes him to the ATM, I started texting and calling him and begging him to not buy anymore.
he comes home and yes 2 bags....this is were I lost it I told him he disgusted me by doing it, he took that turned my words around and siad I said that he disguted me....we got into a argument (he was drunk of course)
flushed the bags down the toilet and slept in another room. He went online and booked a hotel for the next night 4 nights, he wa leaving on a international trip on the following Sat. night.
Prior to this he told that he it under control. (the Coaine use)
He has a great job, has 4 kids oldest 13. youngest 9 who are twins and a 11 year old. They all live in another state, he visits them once a month, stays n a hotel..I have caught him in Oct 2011 calling a escort service trying to find drugs, i found it on it cell whn he got back and googled the number.
he had promised he would never do it again.
(I must also mentioned he said to me one time, that he should have 2 girlsfriends one that does coke and can have kinky sex with him on coke and then me who does not do it. he was joking when he said it but he loves kinky sex on coke.)
Anyway back to the story he went on a binge when he left for that hotel that I was mentioning above , I found out where he was staying walked by the room and a do not disturb sigh was on it from Wed to Friday night. Meanwhile the collegue he was traveling with called the house and said I am conceerned about you and do not know if you are ok, and also mentioned the bosses name.... appartently they had called and emailed him for days as they were working on projests before the trip that was scheduled that Sat. red eye trip.
He finally awoke from his binge and I talked to him on phone I told him that tis work was looking for him and he would not say anything cause he knew.
he left for a week on a trip out of the country returned to the USA the following Sunday and took a week out to see his kids straight form the airport never came home.
I found out he called that escort again, the minute he landed, I tried and tried to communicate with him ... he barely talked to me and told me he was very tired from the trip but could not sleep becasue of the 7 hours difference.
I found he called her the weekend before leaving back to home.
(by the way he did break up with me the night when he bought the coke at 4 am in the morning)
so who knows what he had done w/this escort. She is disgusting, but will do anything for money. When he returned home last Monday he checked into a hotel. He told me I have to make a decision who is moving out.
he left for thanksgiving to see his mom out of state. He said he would talk to me today but I said not in person, he tried to call an i didnt answer.
Hi best friend is anti cocaine. I do not knoow I should tell him becasue he alsways backs my boyfriend. I dont want to be bad mounthed, we run in the same circle of friends and go to the same places.
I dont know what to do.
He has 3 lives... one with his children which now he drinking the nights before he sees them, and the party hard person and the work person.
He makes plenty of money his 4 kids and ex wife are taken care of,
and he has a pretty high profile job. He is smart and knows how to manupilate.
He works mostly from home so gives him time to snort and then do webinars from computer. I have never seen a person that can snort and go to sleep.
He used the excuse that he was ski racer in college had his nose broken sev. times and that is why it is bleeding.
I have never seen his nose bleed until sev. months ago.
Now I am in bind I have no place to go and money is so tight. I guess this is why I wa enabling him...right before the holidays and my family is in another state. I dont know what to do.
I feel since I quit doing this I am a monkey on his back. He can let his work, ex, or anything know about this. he said he has to medicate himself because of me. he has NEVER been a comunicator, and has tried over the years to evict me among other things then drops it. All our fights are over him buying cociane, I try to stop him when he is drunk and he started to lash out.
He calls me the C word and the B word when he is drunk, this would have never came out of his mouth when i first met him. He has no happy medium he works like crazy and focuses and then partys so hard, no balance and the crazy thing with the porno and kinky sex on cocaine, I feel he broke up with me because of this.
Can someone please help me? Im in a situation where no money lost on his side and good job and a SMART person.
How do I talk to him? I love his vey much, btw I have NEVER met his kids or they have never visited where he lives! He has never gone this far before as far a breaking up with me, I am on the lease. I am scared and nervous. He said I use him as a ATM and I do not I love him. he does this on binges, works hard then a week or two later hits the cocaine hard.
No one has seen this but me or evens knows how much he does it.
I need help has anyone been in this situation?
Thank you I will be waiting for all advice and replies.
Today, 05:00 PM #1 (permalink)
helpless111
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1 Please help
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi,
I am glad I came upon this post and need some help, if any one reading this can reply please help.
My siuation is:
My boyfriend of 7 years had never done a drug in his life when i met him.
he was in the middle of a divorce. I then was doing cocaine some amd unfortuntelly introduced him to this drug. he had never done any thing because he is a focuser and has 3 degress and his masters is from a big name college n the top five.
Well anyway, I was doing it with him and he began to love the sex that came with doing this drug. I started to get depressed after doing usually after the second day. I became where I did not like to do it.
Now its been a spiral downhill. I live with him and lost my job in Feb. 2012 and have hard a time finding one, I have been on unemployment and hate the fact I am.
I have been looking and interviewing, I decided to give up my car as well becasue it had a bunch of recalls on it and was a total lemon.
I have fixed my credit and have good credit as well in the past 6 months.
I have gone thorugh my savings and decided to rent when needing a car until find a stable job , I didnt want the commitment of a car payment until working .
Well here is what is happening with him, he is a control freak and a good manupulator, he pays the rent and two bills . The week before halloween i did some coke with him and became depressed I went to work out to sweat it outand told him I didnt like it..... it started on a Friday and I was depressed Sunday and Monday...well anyway he continued snorting it on Sat and Sunday . His nose started bleeding when he does it and it got on the sheets towels etc... I spend that MOnday cleaning all the linens and bought him a box of kleenex...Well I was up very late that Mon. night. he was drinking again( btw the drinks vodka or wine every night) to sleep. I heard a text go off , this is where I went wrong he asked me to come to bed and I kept saying hold on, I then was just turning of my computer and heard the front door close I saw him go out and ran out and asked him where he wa going, he said I am going to the ATM I owe you some money. it was close too 4 am in the morning. I knew was meeting a dealer that delivers and takes him to the ATM, I started texting and calling him and begging him to not buy anymore.
he comes home and yes 2 bags....this is were I lost it I told him he disgusted me by doing it, he took that turned my words around and siad I said that he disguted me....we got into a argument (he was drunk of course)
flushed the bags down the toilet and slept in another room. He went online and booked a hotel for the next night 4 nights, he wa leaving on a international trip on the following Sat. night.
Prior to this he told that he it under control. (the Coaine use)
He has a great job, has 4 kids oldest 13. youngest 9 who are twins and a 11 year old. They all live in another state, he visits them once a month, stays n a hotel..I have caught him in Oct 2011 calling a escort service trying to find drugs, i found it on it cell whn he got back and googled the number.
he had promised he would never do it again.
(I must also mentioned he said to me one time, that he should have 2 girlsfriends one that does coke and can have kinky sex with him on coke and then me who does not do it. he was joking when he said it but he loves kinky sex on coke.)
Anyway back to the story he went on a binge when he left for that hotel that I was mentioning above , I found out where he was staying walked by the room and a do not disturb sigh was on it from Wed to Friday night. Meanwhile the collegue he was traveling with called the house and said I am conceerned about you and do not know if you are ok, and also mentioned the bosses name.... appartently they had called and emailed him for days as they were working on projests before the trip that was scheduled that Sat. red eye trip.
He finally awoke from his binge and I talked to him on phone I told him that tis work was looking for him and he would not say anything cause he knew.
he left for a week on a trip out of the country returned to the USA the following Sunday and took a week out to see his kids straight form the airport never came home.
I found out he called that escort again, the minute he landed, I tried and tried to communicate with him ... he barely talked to me and told me he was very tired from the trip but could not sleep becasue of the 7 hours difference.
I found he called her the weekend before leaving back to home.
(by the way he did break up with me the night when he bought the coke at 4 am in the morning)
so who knows what he had done w/this escort. She is disgusting, but will do anything for money. When he returned home last Monday he checked into a hotel. He told me I have to make a decision who is moving out.
he left for thanksgiving to see his mom out of state. He said he would talk to me today but I said not in person, he tried to call an i didnt answer.
Hi best friend is anti cocaine. I do not knoow I should tell him becasue he alsways backs my boyfriend. I dont want to be bad mounthed, we run in the same circle of friends and go to the same places.
I dont know what to do.
He has 3 lives... one with his children which now he drinking the nights before he sees them, and the party hard person and the work person.
He makes plenty of money his 4 kids and ex wife are taken care of,
and he has a pretty high profile job. He is smart and knows how to manupilate.
He works mostly from home so gives him time to snort and then do webinars from computer. I have never seen a person that can snort and go to sleep.
He used the excuse that he was ski racer in college had his nose broken sev. times and that is why it is bleeding.
I have never seen his nose bleed until sev. months ago.
Now I am in bind I have no place to go and money is so tight. I guess this is why I wa enabling him...right before the holidays and my family is in another state. I dont know what to do.
I feel since I quit doing this I am a monkey on his back. He can let his work, ex, or anything know about this. he said he has to medicate himself because of me. he has NEVER been a comunicator, and has tried over the years to evict me among other things then drops it. All our fights are over him buying cociane, I try to stop him when he is drunk and he started to lash out.
He calls me the C word and the B word when he is drunk, this would have never came out of his mouth when i first met him. He has no happy medium he works like crazy and focuses and then partys so hard, no balance and the crazy thing with the porno and kinky sex on cocaine, I feel he broke up with me because of this.
Can someone please help me? Im in a situation where no money lost on his side and good job and a SMART person.
How do I talk to him? I love his vey much, btw I have NEVER met his kids or they have never visited where he lives! He has never gone this far before as far a breaking up with me, I am on the lease. I am scared and nervous. He said I use him as a ATM and I do not I love him. he does this on binges, works hard then a week or two later hits the cocaine hard.
No one has seen this but me or evens knows how much he does it.
I need help has anyone been in this situation?
Thank you I will be waiting for all advice and replies.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Honestly, you need to work on you. Stay away from the drugs, get into a recovery program and move out. If need be, move in with a friend or family member.
He is a drug addicted abuser. IMO you have no future with him.
Take some time to read all the stickeys at the top of this forum and others posts, there is no magical cure to fix him, concentrate on you.
He is a drug addicted abuser. IMO you have no future with him.
Take some time to read all the stickeys at the top of this forum and others posts, there is no magical cure to fix him, concentrate on you.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SR family!
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.
When I first arrived, I learned about the 3 C's of my husbands addiction:
I did not CAUSE it
I can not CONTROL it
I will not CURE it
The addiction, the unacceptable behavior, and the consequences belong to the person with the addiction.
The only thing I could control/cure ~ my own actions, reactions and acceptance levels. I had the right to decide how I wanted to be treated from my life partner. I had the right to decide how I wanted to live my one precious life. I have the right to take care of myself and give my partner the same right to care for their own life.
I found my way by attending Alanon meetings in my community, by reading and posting here at SR, and by reading self-improvement books like "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.
Here is one of my favorite SR posts. It contains steps that helped me while I was living with active addiction in my home. Here is a link to that post:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Please make yourself at home by reading and posting as much as needed.
When I first arrived, I learned about the 3 C's of my husbands addiction:
I did not CAUSE it
I can not CONTROL it
I will not CURE it
The addiction, the unacceptable behavior, and the consequences belong to the person with the addiction.
The only thing I could control/cure ~ my own actions, reactions and acceptance levels. I had the right to decide how I wanted to be treated from my life partner. I had the right to decide how I wanted to live my one precious life. I have the right to take care of myself and give my partner the same right to care for their own life.
I found my way by attending Alanon meetings in my community, by reading and posting here at SR, and by reading self-improvement books like "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.
Here is one of my favorite SR posts. It contains steps that helped me while I was living with active addiction in my home. Here is a link to that post:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
Hi, from what you've said it seems to me he will continue to use & basically cocaine addiction is nasty & he will hit his bottom & you don't want to be there when he does.
He is abusing you with his words, sleeping around & is a drug addict.
You need to get away from this man.
You can love him, but let him go.
Put yourself first, you deserve better.
Work through the emotion & work towards a happier life that you can control for yourself.
Keep posting & learning.
He is abusing you with his words, sleeping around & is a drug addict.
You need to get away from this man.
You can love him, but let him go.
Put yourself first, you deserve better.
Work through the emotion & work towards a happier life that you can control for yourself.
Keep posting & learning.
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