myfreedom

I am having a very hard time with this. I can not financially do anything at this time. House is in his name. I just am feeling so much disgust towards him. He is trying to be better this past week but I dont even care anymore. I cringe when he tries to touch me, which makes him angry. He can only go about two days with no alcohol. Today is day three and he is very grumpy. So needless to say he left already. I dread the days he drinks because I have been very cold to him and I know that will bring out the anger. I feel horrible because I have these bad thoughts. He gets in an accident, gets stopped while under a dui now. Passes out and doesnt wake up. I feel terrible but it would bring so much peace. What do I do??

OhBoy

I remember that feeling well with my STBXAW. What helped me was detaching from her actions & trying not to let her moods dictate mine. I wasn't always successful but after some practice it became easier & more effective. I tried to let those feelings go as they were hurting me more than her. I tried to do some things just for me, something that was good for my soul. I had to accept the fact that that was who she was & how she acted. That didn't mean I had to accept her behavior, but I did have to accept that's who she was. Eventually I had to take action & for me that was serving her divorce papers. I wished that it didn't have to come to that but it did & I had to accept that as well. There have been a lot of things I have had to accept as reality that I didn't want to & it was hard to do it. But I couldn't get past them until I did & I couldn't begin to make my life better until I got past them.

laurie6781

I would suggest that you make up a 'to go' bag with several days of clothing
and things you would need and copies of all important papers and keep it in
the trunk of your car.

Also keep your cell phone and your keys on your person at all times.

Since you say you do not know how angry he will be because of the alcohol,
it can escalate at any time and will get worse.

Also, your are being abused. It may only be words causing mental and
emotional anguish right now, but it will escalate. Be prepared to leave in a
flash.

Where can you go? Well if you have friends or family in the area you might
try them, but keep the phone number of your NEAREST Domestic Violence
Shelter in your phone. Once you are out of the house, IN FEAR, you call
them and they will direct you to their shelter or a safe house.

I say this not to scare you but to make sure you are PREPARED for anything.
And lets face it, with a practicing alcoholic, ANYTHING can and does happen.
The Boy Scout and Girl Scout motto of "Be Prepared" has certainly helped
many of us that have been in your situation. Also, "Better Safe, than Sorry"
comes to mind also.

Sending healing thoughts and prayers your way.

Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing as we do care so
very much!

Love and hugs,

grammyb

For me, it was a slow process . After the lack of respect and repulsion came a little courage and the slow process of detachment. My next step was to slowly move him into the spare bedroom . I remember , he cried the day I move his dresser full of clothes into that bedroom.( he never skipped a beat though when it came to his alcohol.). I've tried really hard to just continue forward with baby steps. I stopped doing his laundry and feeding him. If he had time to sit at the bar, he had time to take care of his needs.
I too never thought I could do anything for financial reasons. I've spoken to an attorney. I live in a 50/50 state . I'm sitting down today figuring out the numbers...I think I will be ok. I might be poor and my quality of life is going to change but I will have peace in my life.
Making the decision is the hardest part. I'm not saying that there's not going to be bad days after but it's all part of the grieving process and I am definitely still grieving . You 'll take your baby steps when you're ready. We'll all get through this together .

myfreedom

I have been thru so much with him, I know to expect the worse. It has been over a year since he actually laid a hand on me. I just cant seem to be nice when he is nice.