Trying to work the steps, but it's hard.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 336
Trying to work the steps, but it's hard.
I have been trying to work the Al anon steps and when I stick to them I feel so much better. But yet all it takes is some action by XAH and I feel myself reeling.
My AH has moved himself and his mother to my house abroad to live with him and his GF. He refuses to speak to me and it's as if I never existed. Yet he is still making use of everything I own which unfortunately for me is abroad. The lawyers here tell me they cannot do anything for me. Anyway he has now sent emails to my kids and other relatives telling them his mother is being very 'difficult' and he needs some help or someone to come take her away. The only one who would have helped is me but my kids rightly tell me to stay out of it.
I have nightmares about him every night and the feeling they leave is just horrible. I am chasing him trying to get him to talk to me and he is laughing at me jeering and just going off with his new gf. While I am realizing how sick he must be to treat people the way he does I wish I could stop myself being bothered by his attitude to me. Even when we were together he would ignore me for months and say he was not harming me, he would say he was just withdrawing. I got into an argument with my son 2 days ago when he started shouting at me and saying so what if his dad refuses me any financial help I can't expect him to help me forever, when I pointed out that everything I own is with his dad he said well then get on a plane and stop complaining - your stuff is not going to magically fly over to you. He knows that we can barely make the rent each month let alone pay for air fare and transportation of goods but he seems to have had a total change in attitude and believes everything his dad says. I felt like AH was back in the house and was shocked to see my lovely son disappear in front of me. He is so like his dad in personality but till now just Mr Nice - it's a dreadful feeling to think Mr nasty is in there too.
On top of this I went out for a drink with someone a few days ago only to find I cannot bear to be with anybody - it just hurts to much. I feel numb from getting the nice feelings it seems - is that possible?
My AH has moved himself and his mother to my house abroad to live with him and his GF. He refuses to speak to me and it's as if I never existed. Yet he is still making use of everything I own which unfortunately for me is abroad. The lawyers here tell me they cannot do anything for me. Anyway he has now sent emails to my kids and other relatives telling them his mother is being very 'difficult' and he needs some help or someone to come take her away. The only one who would have helped is me but my kids rightly tell me to stay out of it.
I have nightmares about him every night and the feeling they leave is just horrible. I am chasing him trying to get him to talk to me and he is laughing at me jeering and just going off with his new gf. While I am realizing how sick he must be to treat people the way he does I wish I could stop myself being bothered by his attitude to me. Even when we were together he would ignore me for months and say he was not harming me, he would say he was just withdrawing. I got into an argument with my son 2 days ago when he started shouting at me and saying so what if his dad refuses me any financial help I can't expect him to help me forever, when I pointed out that everything I own is with his dad he said well then get on a plane and stop complaining - your stuff is not going to magically fly over to you. He knows that we can barely make the rent each month let alone pay for air fare and transportation of goods but he seems to have had a total change in attitude and believes everything his dad says. I felt like AH was back in the house and was shocked to see my lovely son disappear in front of me. He is so like his dad in personality but till now just Mr Nice - it's a dreadful feeling to think Mr nasty is in there too.
On top of this I went out for a drink with someone a few days ago only to find I cannot bear to be with anybody - it just hurts to much. I feel numb from getting the nice feelings it seems - is that possible?
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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hello cr995, if it were me, I would definitely stay out of it. It's his mother and his problem. If it were me, I would also hire an attorney in the country where the property is located and have him kicked out or sold out from under him.
I'm really sorry you are having to deal with any of this!
I'm really sorry you are having to deal with any of this!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 336
Titanic I suppose I am struggling with the first 3. If I could just admit I were powerless over alcohol I might not spend so much time obsessing in my mind about what happened, what's probably happening over there with him and how it 'might' turn out.
I suppose there is a big shock in that I came to the end of the road for me and removed myself from the situation and now for the first time there is nothing that I 'CAN' actually do. Believing that a power greater than me could restore my sanity would def give me hope and turning my will over to my hp would relieve my anguish.
Today I woke up from nightmares that AH was a terrorist and I was ashamed of him but still loved him. All so unhealthy. I am forcing myself to read 'Women who love too much.'
I suppose there is a big shock in that I came to the end of the road for me and removed myself from the situation and now for the first time there is nothing that I 'CAN' actually do. Believing that a power greater than me could restore my sanity would def give me hope and turning my will over to my hp would relieve my anguish.
Today I woke up from nightmares that AH was a terrorist and I was ashamed of him but still loved him. All so unhealthy. I am forcing myself to read 'Women who love too much.'
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