GingerM

and still dealing with my dad. He's been in jail/prison for 15 or so months now, and has a little over 8 years left to go on his sentence. So for 15 months, he's been UNdrunk.

I had held out hope that by not drinking, and by ending in prison, he might take that time to do a little introspection - but that hope has pretty much died. He's still behaving the same way as when he was drinking. He's still blaming me for being in prison. He's still incapable of seeing how his actions affect anyone other than himself, or even that his actions were what put him in prison in the first place. He admits that he's guilty of the crimes he was charged with, but doesn't believe he should be in prison, ergo, it's my fault.

I'm happy to see some familiar names, and to the unfamiliar names, hi and glad you found us.

Just thought I'd pop in for those who might be wondering "what ever happened to..."

I hope everyone here finds a way to survive the holidays in as healthy a manner as they can.

Gin

dbh

Hi Gin!

I actually do think of you often and wonder "what ever happen to ..." :-)

I always admired your recovery and got so much out of your posts.

I'm sorry about your father. I too held out hope that my dad would change up until the end of his life. Accepting the things that we can not change can be so hard sometimes.

Wishing you a healthy holiday season also.

Warm Regards,

db

EveningRose

Hi, Ginger,

It's nice to hear from you.

I, too, have found much wisdom in your posts. I hope your holiday season is peaceful and full of contentment.

dollydo

Take care Ginger, keep in touch!

tromboneliness

Too bad for him. He made his bed; now, he has to lie in it. What's more, he's stuck there -- and despite everything being Gin's fault, she can -- if she wants, since she's the authority here -- just let him stew in there for another 8 years.

I have an Al-Anon "sponsorette" who is also locked up, about a year into a sentence of two years, for petty crimes; mostly stealing money to buy drugs. I get letters from her, and recently, she has started sounding a lot more positive. It may be that this is a rare case where the Department of Corrections is actually correcting someone who needed it! Of course, the test will be when she gets released and has to go back out into the world, support herself, and work the recovery program. But the point is that being in the slammer has given her time to consider how she got there, and what she needs to do to get and stay healthy in the future. Sitting in a cell and blaming everyone but yourself is not the way to do it!

T

GingerM

Thanks everyone!

The good news is that my skills have improved through intense use and lots of practice over the past 15 months.

I believe my dad is truly becoming completely mentally unraveled. His old alcoholic behaviors have intensified over the past couple of months, even while being undrunk. I imagine that the added stress of being imprisoned, combined with the inability to "drink it away" has caused whatever mental fracturing was occurring before to accelerate.

I'm sorry I was away for so long. I've missed everyone.

Learning the prison system is no trivial feat, and I'm also taking care of my mom now as she's in the early stages of dementia (still okay to live on her own as long as I go deal with the bills and anything "unusual" that comes up like pushing the reset button on the garbage disposal...)

So it took me about this long to figure the system out and for things to settle enough that I could take care of me. I hope to be back more often now that I do have time to take care of me

Gin

EveningRose

That's a lot to deal with. I can't even imagine having that much riding on my shoulders. :-(

I have heard others here say that alcoholism typically progresses and only gets worse as they age. My father's not in jail, but two years ago was the first time I witnessed him visibly drunk, and also the first time I knew him to be inebriated at 10:30 in the morning.