Xune

I am the recovering addict.

For two years I ignored and neglected my wife while I drank.

Three weeks into recovery I find out my wife had recently started graphic sexting with a co-worker. The day before I confronted her, she had met him for coffee and messed around briefly in a parked car.

She pretty much wanted to leave. We saw a marriage counselor who recommended we see someone privately each and return in three months.

Despite her promises to stop texting and sexting, she continued for two more months...I could tell by her behaviour.

I told her that my only deal breaker was if she could not remain faithful and love me, then we would have to split. (3 AMAZING kids).

She cut off from him cold turkey and I feel she has spoken / emailed him maybe a couple of times in the last two months. This man is married and has kids, with a baby on the way.

I still see a psychologist and he gives me good advice. We returned to couples therapy and she told the Doctor she wants to save the marriage and says I have done a complete 180 and am doing 'everything right''

I am certain the sexting and any possible liaison is over, but I am just quite insecure about her fidelity and I know it will take time to get trust back. She works in the same building with the guy for crying out LOUD.

She gave me the password to her work phone and told me I could check it whenever I want...that was two months ago.

I sincerely forgive her, know why she did it, know why these things happen and really, I'm just sharing.

Throughout...i have not had a drop of alcohol.

I love her so much and do not want to lose her.

Anna

It sounds like a difficult situation, but that both of you are willing to work to get through it. I'm glad you're both getting counselling and I hope that things work out.

Dominica2

I have been through a very similar situation. The good thing about this is that marriage (if both parties are willing to work at it) can be a very wonderful thing. It takes work, which it seems you two are committed to. I wish you the best.

Dom

ru12

Tell his wife. Why should she have to be the only one of you four not to know? This affects her life too, she just migght not know it yet. Plus she can check things from ger side. Check out marriage builders (google it) they have lots of info about surviving infidelity.

Xune

My psych says that's a no go.

I'm not married to her.

When seeking revenge, first prepare by digging two graves.

ru12

It has nothing to do with revenge, but do as you want.

Xune

Involving myself in the domestic affairs of complete strangers will be of no benefit to my healing or strengthening my broken marriage.

Thanks for your input though.

hollowx

revenge effects all parties too. I do agree that all parties should be told, but you have your family back, why does it even matter at this point? Forgiveness should mean just that.

Xune

The thing of it is, I'm not married to the other parties.

I owe them precisely nothing.

That's the reasoning of a professional who deals with this stuff everyday.

...and I agree.

Dee74

I agree too.

Trust can be fragile - but it can be resilient too, I've found.
I hope you and your wife can work it out Xuse.

D

Xune

Thanks Dee...

I had a rough morning...it's grey and rainy, which never helps.

I was feeling quite insecure when I posted this thread. Anyway, I spoke to my wife about how I felt insecure and the chat went well.

I'm feeling better than I was this morn.

DrunkTx

xune - you sound awesome. A truly incredible person. I highly commend you on your approach to marriage, the resilience of your spirit and IMO - the absolutely correct stance on not spreading more grief and panic in another relationship. The only thing you can manage is your own situation. The sooner you put the incident behind you, the sooner you will be able to move on. Keep the faith, trust in your wife - and work on recovery.