Dui - wreck
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Mass
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Dui - wreck
Don't know if anyone is here tonight but I need to talk. My son got in a wreck and was driving drunk. He is fine but every time he seems to be doing better he messes up. I really don't know what to do now.
He seemed to be doing so good and now he has completely screwed it up. I am literally sick to my stomach. Shaking uncontrollably while I write this. Just do not know what is happening or what to do.
Just a few days ago he was doing so well and now we have this. I am just sick.
He seemed to be doing so good and now he has completely screwed it up. I am literally sick to my stomach. Shaking uncontrollably while I write this. Just do not know what is happening or what to do.
Just a few days ago he was doing so well and now we have this. I am just sick.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: northeast
Posts: 468
I am so sorry. I'm up with insomnia .....
He is an alcoholic. Maybe its time he goes to a 30 day program and then a sober living facility? He knows he has a problem, he just hasn't admitted that he is powerless, yet.
All you can do is remember the mantra of alanon, I did not cause this, I can not control it and I can not cure it.
I also find the serenity prayer helpful,(and I am not even religious ...)
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
My son also got a DUI, and its been a long painful lesson for him. He's over a year without his license because he still has not paid off all of his fines. Unfortunately, for him, it wasn't his wake up call ... he used it as an excuse to drink more.
He is now back home after completing 8 months of rehab and sober living. He is working to earn the money to pay off his fines and start getting his life back on track. He is only allowed to live here as long as he remains sober.
He's doing great, but I try to to remind myself to take it one day at a time.
He is an alcoholic. Maybe its time he goes to a 30 day program and then a sober living facility? He knows he has a problem, he just hasn't admitted that he is powerless, yet.
All you can do is remember the mantra of alanon, I did not cause this, I can not control it and I can not cure it.
I also find the serenity prayer helpful,(and I am not even religious ...)
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
My son also got a DUI, and its been a long painful lesson for him. He's over a year without his license because he still has not paid off all of his fines. Unfortunately, for him, it wasn't his wake up call ... he used it as an excuse to drink more.
He is now back home after completing 8 months of rehab and sober living. He is working to earn the money to pay off his fines and start getting his life back on track. He is only allowed to live here as long as he remains sober.
He's doing great, but I try to to remind myself to take it one day at a time.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Mass
Posts: 149
Thanks. The last arrest we decided he should go to 30 day inpatient but he wanted to finish out the semester. I am going to call the doctor in the morning and find out the rehab she recommends. Not sure what to do about getting him out of jail or even if I can afford to.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: northeast
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Ah, I probably wouldn't be in a hurry to get him out. Maybe get rehab lined up and make it a condition? PM me if you want more info/help on rehabs, etc.
Have you looked into what your insurance will cover? Ours only covered a short "rehab" stay of 4 days and then required out patient. My RAS failed that pretty quickly and then we sent him to a 30 day that we paid for. I guess time will tell for us if it was worth it ... He's doing well now, but we have spent a lot of money. From reading on here, I now see there are cheaper ways to do it. But, I do think they need lots of time to really "get it".
Hang in there ... I know, it is so hard and painful. I still find myself getting sucked into wanting to control and have to keep reminding myself that I am powerless and its his disease and recovery.
Have you looked into what your insurance will cover? Ours only covered a short "rehab" stay of 4 days and then required out patient. My RAS failed that pretty quickly and then we sent him to a 30 day that we paid for. I guess time will tell for us if it was worth it ... He's doing well now, but we have spent a lot of money. From reading on here, I now see there are cheaper ways to do it. But, I do think they need lots of time to really "get it".
Hang in there ... I know, it is so hard and painful. I still find myself getting sucked into wanting to control and have to keep reminding myself that I am powerless and its his disease and recovery.
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He has only a week and a half of school left in this semester. I hope to get him to finish that and then go to rehab as soon as exams are over. I feel sure that we can get 30 day treatment because my husband is a state employee and I'm sure their insurance covers it. I'm looking it up right now.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: northeast
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I believe you can get a medical leave of absence from school. I know many of the kids that were with my son in his 30 day program left mid semester and were on medical leave of absences from school. Ideally, he would finish the semester, but sometimes things don't work out that way.
I hope your insurance covers better than ours. ;-)
I hope your insurance covers better than ours. ;-)
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I'm sure he could get a medical leave but I honestly believe that he can make it the next week and finish. I will talk to his doctor and she what she recommends. His sobriety is most important. So I'm willing to do what ever is best for him.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
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Wow, that is a ways. There are many people who have experienced the gamut of addictive issues here, it's a godsend.
Best of luck with your son. It sounds like you are doing the right things.
As far as bailing him out, I can imagine the pain you are in as a parent, but remember that ultimately he is a legal adult, and is accountable for his actions. You might want to think that through and consult with some others before you rush to do so.
Best of luck with your son. It sounds like you are doing the right things.
As far as bailing him out, I can imagine the pain you are in as a parent, but remember that ultimately he is a legal adult, and is accountable for his actions. You might want to think that through and consult with some others before you rush to do so.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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He seems be a bit different in his drinking habits than our RAS. Toward the end, my RAS was drinking straight vodka to near unconsciousness alone nightly. I really feared he would die if we did not get him help immediately. My son needed a detox - and help with physically withdrawing from the alcohol.
One of the reasons my son did so well at rehab was because he felt so much better. He had been drinking crazy heavily for over a year.
Your son is different in that he seems like more of a social/binge drinker. He probably could finish school. But, how is going to get there? Are you going to drive him?
One of the reasons my son did so well at rehab was because he felt so much better. He had been drinking crazy heavily for over a year.
Your son is different in that he seems like more of a social/binge drinker. He probably could finish school. But, how is going to get there? Are you going to drive him?
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
Originally Posted by BlueSkiesAgain 
So I'm willing to do what ever is best for him.
He is an adult.
He has been doing what He thinks is best for HIM. He doesn't care how his addiction and behaviour affects anyone else. He KNOWS you will do everything in your power to clean up after him.
As adults, our actions have consequences. The consequences of his latest DUI are not yours, they are HIS.
I'm so sorry you are in the emotional state you are in. I know what it feels like. In my experience I believe your son needs to decide his own fate. You can't control the outcome of this latest stuff up. You can try (you probably will try
) but you cannot FIX HIM. Are you sure that fixing THIS for him is for the best?
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Yes, my son is a binge drinker. In his words once he drinks that first drink he won't stop until he is passed out. Not the one beer type of person. He was sober for 3 weeks then drank. Sober again for 33 days and now drank.
I will take him back and forth to school for the week he has to go or he can ride with a friend.
I think he would gladly go to rehab. He has really worked hard to keep away from it.
I will take him back and forth to school for the week he has to go or he can ride with a friend.
I think he would gladly go to rehab. He has really worked hard to keep away from it.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
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Originally Posted by BlueSkiesAgain
. So I'm willing to do what ever is best for him.
Including leaving him in jail and having him miss the last week of school?
Because without consequences, we just keep skating along.
So far, he hasn't killed anyone else, or himself, and he's young.
Would missing school be enough wake up call for him to change?
Cause it sounds like you intend to make things better for him, I.e., bail him out, drive him around, and use your resources for treatment.
I don't see where he gets a message from that.
Don't be in a rush to act. Your best intentions might be the wrong thing here. Sorry to tell you that.
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I don't have a problem leaving him in jail a few days. The problem with the school is from a financial point I have lost a semesters worth of tuition if he doesn't finish. This is a lot of money for me. Again, getting him to class is all part of the financial issue.
He needs treatment so yes I will pay for that at least to the extent I can afford.
I'm so confused on what to do.
He needs treatment so yes I will pay for that at least to the extent I can afford.
I'm so confused on what to do.
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Maybe HE should be worrying about making up the tuition $$, getting a ride to school to finish the semester, and staying sober? But because mama is doing this for him, he doesnt feel the pain of his actions, or take responsibility?
I know you are upset, but he did this. Obviously all programs have not helped him, he got drunk, he drove a car, tg he did not kill someone. And you are more worried about his future than he is?
I would put all of this back on him, including PAYING for the legal fees.
maybe it will help most if you don't help him so much? Take care.
I know you are upset, but he did this. Obviously all programs have not helped him, he got drunk, he drove a car, tg he did not kill someone. And you are more worried about his future than he is?
I would put all of this back on him, including PAYING for the legal fees.
maybe it will help most if you don't help him so much? Take care.
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Hello BlueSkies....I'm sorry to hear your son was drinking and driving and I hope that no one was hurt.
My stepson is 31 years old. He has lost many jobs, many job opportunities, and many educational opportunities because of his drinking and other drug use (which started when he was 13). He nearly died from his drinking in 2007 and was cajoled into Intensive Outpatient (IOP) therapy and attended AA meetings briefly--none of it stuck. He has been in county jails several times (6 maybe, I've lost track) and the state prison once.
During his last hospital stint in October, something seemed to be turning around. He finally asked about rehab--he asked about sober living houses. I think he has finally made it to this point because we got out of his way and allowed him to be responsible for ALL of the consequences of his actions while drinking.
Whatever you decide to do for your son, know that you will be supported here and can come here anytime to vent and talk as needed. I hope and pray that your son will realize he needs help and will take whatever help he is offered.
HG
My stepson is 31 years old. He has lost many jobs, many job opportunities, and many educational opportunities because of his drinking and other drug use (which started when he was 13). He nearly died from his drinking in 2007 and was cajoled into Intensive Outpatient (IOP) therapy and attended AA meetings briefly--none of it stuck. He has been in county jails several times (6 maybe, I've lost track) and the state prison once.
During his last hospital stint in October, something seemed to be turning around. He finally asked about rehab--he asked about sober living houses. I think he has finally made it to this point because we got out of his way and allowed him to be responsible for ALL of the consequences of his actions while drinking.
Whatever you decide to do for your son, know that you will be supported here and can come here anytime to vent and talk as needed. I hope and pray that your son will realize he needs help and will take whatever help he is offered.
HG
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