Feeling Thankful & Festive !
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Feeling Thankful & Festive !
A year can sure make a dramatic difference. Last year, I was separated from my husband & I was expecting our first child. I spent the holiday with my parents, and not my husband because he was actively using. When I was at work this week, one of my co-workers reminded me that last year I was so aggravated about the upcoming holidays, I had a small breakdown while we were putting out Christmas decorations. (I own a small store in our downtown area & so holidays are busy, and I have ALWAYS been like the most festive; totally loving all the decorations, Christmas music, etc). This year, we talked about it and laughed. This year Im back to being the most festive & filled with holiday joy !
My husband is now 8 months clean; has been off work all week due to the holiday. He is taking care of our son full time & loving it. I got home yesterday, and he was in the floor teaching our son how to build a tower out of blocks. It never got too tall because our little boy was playing wrecking ball, moving so quick he even beat our dog out of the honor). That was the best feeling….. all of us laughing together.
We have both worked very hard this year on our individual selves, and on our relationship. I look back now, and although it was all scary, and unknown territory; I realize we were blessed to be led through it right from the start by God, and all of the special people that he put in our path.
Just wanted to share that as part of my ‘Thanks’ before this special day ends.
My husband is now 8 months clean; has been off work all week due to the holiday. He is taking care of our son full time & loving it. I got home yesterday, and he was in the floor teaching our son how to build a tower out of blocks. It never got too tall because our little boy was playing wrecking ball, moving so quick he even beat our dog out of the honor). That was the best feeling….. all of us laughing together.
We have both worked very hard this year on our individual selves, and on our relationship. I look back now, and although it was all scary, and unknown territory; I realize we were blessed to be led through it right from the start by God, and all of the special people that he put in our path.
Just wanted to share that as part of my ‘Thanks’ before this special day ends.
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It tickles me to read a lovely post like yours. I am so glad for you and your family that you have been able to work through this, and especially for your young child...how blessed he is to have parents like you.
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Originally Posted by LoveMeNot 
I am puzzled though, how can your AH be clean for 8 months when he entered a 90 rehab for cocaine, benzos and opiates abuse in May????
To answer some of your recent questions: my husband actually started to detox on his own in April, and also went into the hospital for detox in April, not May. I started posting here after he went into the rehab in May and had been there a bit. We also don’t count days and never have past that first month. So at any time during his recovery, I probably could not tell you exactly if he was on day 121 vs. 125. So you got me he might have 7 months 26 days and 16 hours. LOL
Recently you also asked about the drug Naltrexone that he was given as an injection during his detox, and also the following month. First off, this drug is an opiate antagonist. Its purpose is to block the effects of opiates should someone choose to go out and try to get high on the drug. You can only be given this drug when you are completely clean from opiates; its not addictive, and has no potential for a high. Its really used as a transparent safety net. Some people say that just knowing they cant get high while they are taking this drug is a mental advantage. It was part of the protocol of his detox. It was suggested that he use it for 6 months to a year as a preventative. But after the detox, he only took it once the following month while he was in rehab. He decided that he didn’t want the mental crutch it provided, and he wanted to face whatever feelings came up about the drugs while he was in rehab, and could work through his issues with his doctors. It scared me at first, because I thought maybe in the back of his mind he was thinking he would bolt from rehab and go get high. But thankfully he did not; he had the desire to stop and he used the resources he had there to help himself
*Just for info purposes, while on the drug Naltrexone a person can still od I believe, if they were to keep taking more and more, trying to get the high that never comes. So its not a perfect solution, it still has its dangers*
If I missed any of your recent questions LMN, just send me a p.message and I will be glad to talk with you. I often see them mixed in after I post somewhere; but usually I don’t reply because I don’t want to take another thread off topic.
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Originally Posted by Ann
It tickles me to read a lovely post like yours. I am so glad for you and your family that you have been able to work through this, and especially for your young child...how blessed he is to have parents like you.
Hugs
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But I still feel blessed today. Im thankful for the expereinces we have had. It sounds absurd, but I have learned a lot about myself, and I think together we now have the tools we need to continue forward together. I feel stronger !
And my son is my joy. He will always be my number one priority. I will protect him from drugs and addiction at all costs. Right now my husband sees this the same way, and I pray he will always remember what he went through & strive to keep our son out of that pit of he((.
Getting there!!
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Originally Posted by allforcnm
Lovemenot, Your post always crack me up because you are always trying to be “Debbie Downer” with me.
To answer some of your recent questions: my husband actually started to detox on his own in April, and also went into the hospital for detox in April, not May. I started posting here after he went into the rehab in May and had been there a bit. We also don’t count days and never have past that first month. So at any time during his recovery, I probably could not tell you exactly if he was on day 121 vs. 125. So you got me he might have 7 months 26 days and 16 hours. LOL
Recently you also asked about the drug Naltrexone that he was given as an injection during his detox, and also the following month. First off, this drug is an opiate antagonist. Its purpose is to block the effects of opiates should someone choose to go out and try to get high on the drug. You can only be given this drug when you are completely clean from opiates; its not addictive, and has no potential for a high. Its really used as a transparent safety net. Some people say that just knowing they cant get high while they are taking this drug is a mental advantage. It was part of the protocol of his detox. It was suggested that he use it for 6 months to a year as a preventative. But after the detox, he only took it once the following month while he was in rehab. He decided that he didn’t want the mental crutch it provided, and he wanted to face whatever feelings came up about the drugs while he was in rehab, and could work through his issues with his doctors. It scared me at first, because I thought maybe in the back of his mind he was thinking he would bolt from rehab and go get high. But thankfully he did not; he had the desire to stop and he used the resources he had there to help himself
*Just for info purposes, while on the drug Naltrexone a person can still od I believe, if they were to keep taking more and more, trying to get the high that never comes. So its not a perfect solution, it still has its dangers*
If I missed any of your recent questions LMN, just send me a p.message and I will be glad to talk with you. I often see them mixed in after I post somewhere; but usually I don’t reply because I don’t want to take another thread off topic.
To answer some of your recent questions: my husband actually started to detox on his own in April, and also went into the hospital for detox in April, not May. I started posting here after he went into the rehab in May and had been there a bit. We also don’t count days and never have past that first month. So at any time during his recovery, I probably could not tell you exactly if he was on day 121 vs. 125. So you got me he might have 7 months 26 days and 16 hours. LOL
Recently you also asked about the drug Naltrexone that he was given as an injection during his detox, and also the following month. First off, this drug is an opiate antagonist. Its purpose is to block the effects of opiates should someone choose to go out and try to get high on the drug. You can only be given this drug when you are completely clean from opiates; its not addictive, and has no potential for a high. Its really used as a transparent safety net. Some people say that just knowing they cant get high while they are taking this drug is a mental advantage. It was part of the protocol of his detox. It was suggested that he use it for 6 months to a year as a preventative. But after the detox, he only took it once the following month while he was in rehab. He decided that he didn’t want the mental crutch it provided, and he wanted to face whatever feelings came up about the drugs while he was in rehab, and could work through his issues with his doctors. It scared me at first, because I thought maybe in the back of his mind he was thinking he would bolt from rehab and go get high. But thankfully he did not; he had the desire to stop and he used the resources he had there to help himself
*Just for info purposes, while on the drug Naltrexone a person can still od I believe, if they were to keep taking more and more, trying to get the high that never comes. So its not a perfect solution, it still has its dangers*
If I missed any of your recent questions LMN, just send me a p.message and I will be glad to talk with you. I often see them mixed in after I post somewhere; but usually I don’t reply because I don’t want to take another thread off topic.
My life is not a Norman Rockwell painting, nor will I pretend it is. I will continue to be honest and accepting of that. Denial was a dangerous place for me so today I live in reality which is sometimes awesome and sometimes not.
You once wrote a reply to me - that detailed all my ESH. I didn't have a problem with your "if I remember correctly" (lol) lengthy post, so let me ask - why do you? Why is it necessary for you to deflect the truth by calling me negative in a very passive/aggressive way?? Why do you find it necessary to disagree with many seasoned posters whose knowledge and experience far exceed anything we have experienced?
You continuously post your husband's clean time and I am curious how do you know that he is really clean? Based on your posts, his drug addiction and your experience was very unigue from most others on here.
Yes, I know we all have the right to share our ESH, however, I would never claim to think I KNOW more then others. JMHO.
These question don't require or desire an answer.
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allforcnm....
I am glad to see that things are going well for you.
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I was grateful for the 8 months my daughter had clean.
Then I was grateful again for the 3 years she had clean.
Now I am once again grateful for the 15 months she has clean.
I am glad to see that things are going well for you.
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I was grateful for the 8 months my daughter had clean.
Then I was grateful again for the 3 years she had clean.
Now I am once again grateful for the 15 months she has clean.
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Originally Posted by YearForMe
allforcnm....
I am glad to see that things are going well for you.
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I was grateful for the 8 months my daughter had clean.
Then I was grateful again for the 3 years she had clean.
Now I am once again grateful for the 15 months she has clean.
I am glad to see that things are going well for you.
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I was grateful for the 8 months my daughter had clean.
Then I was grateful again for the 3 years she had clean.
Now I am once again grateful for the 15 months she has clean.
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Join Date: May 2012
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Originally Posted by LoveMeNot
lol, Nope, I wouldn't call it that at all. The truth and facts are here for anyone to read about me or you.
My life is not a Norman Rockwell painting, nor will I pretend it is. I will continue to be honest and accepting of that. Denial was a dangerous place for me so today I live in reality which is sometimes awesome and sometimes not.
You once wrote a reply to me - that detailed all my ESH. I didn't have a problem with your "if I remember correctly" (lol) lengthy post, so let me ask - why do you? Why is it necessary for you to deflect the truth by calling me negative in a very passive/aggressive way?? Why do you find it necessary to disagree with many seasoned posters whose knowledge and experience far exceed anything we have experienced?
You continuously post your husband's clean time and I am curious how do you know that he is really clean? Based on your posts, his drug addiction and your experience was very unigue from most others on here.
Yes, I know we all have the right to share our ESH, however, I would never claim to think I KNOW more then others. JMHO.
These question don't require or desire an answer.
My life is not a Norman Rockwell painting, nor will I pretend it is. I will continue to be honest and accepting of that. Denial was a dangerous place for me so today I live in reality which is sometimes awesome and sometimes not.
You once wrote a reply to me - that detailed all my ESH. I didn't have a problem with your "if I remember correctly" (lol) lengthy post, so let me ask - why do you? Why is it necessary for you to deflect the truth by calling me negative in a very passive/aggressive way?? Why do you find it necessary to disagree with many seasoned posters whose knowledge and experience far exceed anything we have experienced?
You continuously post your husband's clean time and I am curious how do you know that he is really clean? Based on your posts, his drug addiction and your experience was very unigue from most others on here.
Yes, I know we all have the right to share our ESH, however, I would never claim to think I KNOW more then others. JMHO.
These question don't require or desire an answer.
(I feel as Ive been truly been blessed by the people God has put in my path).
My experiences are my own. My thoughts, views, beliefs, opinions are my own. I am the expert only on my own life. ( I think it is safe to say that is true of everyone here…. None of us can give ‘the answer’ to another person; we all have to find it on our own ).
When I read here, I don't pay much attention to the length of time someone has been a member of the forum; I just read their post and from that decide if what they say has value for me.
As they say, take what you want, or can use and leave the rest.
This forum belongs to all of us; we are a collective body of individuals who all have something in common. We dont have to agree on everything; but we do need to be respectful of other people; their views, beliefs, opinions, etc. We are all here because we love or loved someone in addiction, and it affected us too. We all want to become stronger within ourselves, and find our own sense of happiness.
Second question, How do I know my husband is clean:
He has made so many positive changes in his life. I can tell he is clean because of his behavior, his attitude, actions. When he was using before I could always tell. At first I didn’t know it was because he was abusing his pain meds, but I still knew something was wrong based on his behavior, attitude, actions. So that is what I look at. It's all I need.
But..... I also know he is clean because he is doing drug tests for his employer. Another example of God putting people in our path; they were so understanding of his situation. He was given paid time off work for treatment, they honored his request and relocated his office away from the group of guys he worked with & got high with. His boss slowly got him up to speed on a new project, and ended up giving him a lead role. He was a huge source of encouragement for my husband; a blessing. I wish I could tell him so and give him a big hug and thank you. But will leave that to my husband; not sure about the hugging part?
But anyway, he agreed to drug testing for a while which I can completely understand the company needing from him, and before you start questioning the reliability; its a hair follicle test and they are very accurate.
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Originally Posted by YearForMe
allforcnm....
I am glad to see that things are going well for you.
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I was grateful for the 8 months my daughter had clean.
Then I was grateful again for the 3 years she had clean.
Now I am once again grateful for the 15 months she has clean.
I am glad to see that things are going well for you.
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I was grateful for the 8 months my daughter had clean.
Then I was grateful again for the 3 years she had clean.
Now I am once again grateful for the 15 months she has clean.
It sounds like you have been through a lot and understand the reality of addiction. However, your posts show your what we can do, when we honestly put the hard work into ourselves. Your recovery is shining. Great job!!
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Originally Posted by allforcnm
Thanks for sharing Yearforme, I'm happy to hear your daughter is back in recovery. I have not kept up with her story; so I don't know how long her period of relapse was, or all that she has been through. But I hope she learned from the experience. Sounds like she knows how to do it, now she just has to want it, more than anything. Continued success to her! and to YOU !
Many similarities in the beginning of my daughters story and the beginning of your husbands.
19 years of active addiction off and on...that is my qualifier to be here.
I know this disease is powerful, baffling and cunning.
I remember being arrogant enough in the first year to believe that everything was as I thought. I thought I was the expert on my life, my views, my ideas....
Then I realized how sick I truly was.
I had to take the cotton out of my ears and stuff it in my mouth.
I hope things continue to go well with your husband, your marriage and your little one.
But you have made it very clear that your husband is NOT an addict and you are NOT codependent. And, while everyone of course shares the board, this IS a forum for recovery, and you have nothing to recover from, and your life seems perfect?
Getting there!!
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Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by YearForMe
Allforcnm....
Many similarities in the beginning of my daughters story and the beginning of your husbands.
19 years of active addiction off and on...that is my qualifier to be here.
I know this disease is powerful, baffling and cunning.
I remember being arrogant enough in the first year to believe that everything was as I thought. I thought I was the expert on my life, my views, my ideas....
Then I realized how sick I truly was.
I had to take the cotton out of my ears and stuff it in my mouth.
I hope things continue to go well with your husband, your marriage and your little one.
But you have made it very clear that your husband is NOT an addict and you are NOT codependent. And, while everyone of course shares the board, this IS a forum for recovery, and you have nothing to recover from, and your life seems perfect?
Many similarities in the beginning of my daughters story and the beginning of your husbands.
19 years of active addiction off and on...that is my qualifier to be here.
I know this disease is powerful, baffling and cunning.
I remember being arrogant enough in the first year to believe that everything was as I thought. I thought I was the expert on my life, my views, my ideas....
Then I realized how sick I truly was.
I had to take the cotton out of my ears and stuff it in my mouth.
I hope things continue to go well with your husband, your marriage and your little one.
But you have made it very clear that your husband is NOT an addict and you are NOT codependent. And, while everyone of course shares the board, this IS a forum for recovery, and you have nothing to recover from, and your life seems perfect?
I am often reminded of this scripture -
Pride goes before destruction,
And a haughty spirit before a fall.
Proverbs 16:18
definition of haughty - Arrogantly, superior and disdainful
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Originally Posted by YearForMe
Allforcnm....
Many similarities in the beginning of my daughters story and the beginning of your husbands.
19 years of active addiction off and on...that is my qualifier to be here.
I know this disease is powerful, baffling and cunning.
I remember being arrogant enough in the first year to believe that everything was as I thought. I thought I was the expert on my life, my views, my ideas....
Then I realized how sick I truly was.
I had to take the cotton out of my ears and stuff it in my mouth.
I hope things continue to go well with your husband, your marriage and your little one.
But you have made it very clear that your husband is NOT an addict and you are NOT codependent. And, while everyone of course shares the board, this IS a forum for recovery, and you have nothing to recover from, and your life seems perfect?
Many similarities in the beginning of my daughters story and the beginning of your husbands.
19 years of active addiction off and on...that is my qualifier to be here.
I know this disease is powerful, baffling and cunning.
I remember being arrogant enough in the first year to believe that everything was as I thought. I thought I was the expert on my life, my views, my ideas....
Then I realized how sick I truly was.
I had to take the cotton out of my ears and stuff it in my mouth.
I hope things continue to go well with your husband, your marriage and your little one.
But you have made it very clear that your husband is NOT an addict and you are NOT codependent. And, while everyone of course shares the board, this IS a forum for recovery, and you have nothing to recover from, and your life seems perfect?
I didn’t realize your daughter had been in addiction in and out of active addiction for 19 years. Im sure that has been very difficult for you. Your experiences, views, thoughts, opinions all draw off this obviously.
Im sorry you dont feel that you know yourself well enough to be an expert on who you are, your choices, opinion, beliefs. I persoanlly think this is very important. If we dont know who we are then we can get lost going down paths meant for others. We need to know ourselves better than anyone else; and in that we can learn what is right for us as individuals.
I have no reason to expect my husband will develop a pattern of relapse and recovery. Not everyone follows the same path as your daughter. But I am not naïve and I realize he may relapse. We discussed that at length in his rehab center. I also continue to work this aspect with my therapist. Yes, I am still in therapy. My husband and I also talk openly about it, and we have plans in place in case it happens. Yes, my husband is also in therapy. And, we are also in marriage counseling. Our work is not done; I didn’t mean to imply that it was.
But I am thankful for these 8 months. We are doing well ! and I am thankful for all the people God has put in our path ! The experience was daunting to say the least, and I feel like we have been blessed to be led through it ….this far…. by a wonderful group of people.
I don’t recall ever saying that my husband was not an addict. Although I may view addiction differently than you as we are not part of the NA / the 12 step recovery process. My husband used a non-12 step rehab, based on private therapy.
I also use private therapy for myself, because I have been deeply affected by my husband’s addiction to drugs. You can call it codependency, or whatever you want. I have had to take a good hard look at myself. Take responsibility for my actions, grant myself forgiveness, make changes. I feel like Im doing well, but Im still a work-in-progress. I owe it to my son, to be the best and the strongest that I can be regardless of what happens with my husband down the road. (Im sure you would encourage this based on what you have been through).
But, this post was about me being thankful and recognizing how far I have come.
For now I am Thankful.
I am happy.
I love my husband, just as he is today.
My son is pure joy.
Our dog is his best friend.
My family is well.
And I am not afraid, ashamed, nor do I regret feeling this way.
And sorry, no one is going to convince me otherwise.
But, if your bored you can keep trying. LOL I wont be reading anymore as I am going to make cookies for my son now. Oh, and my husband too.
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OK...due to the large number of reports on this thread I'm shutting it down for FFSA mods to look at.
It's getting ridiculous - and yes I'm annoyed.
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