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so scared

Old 11-22-2012, 11:39 AM
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so scared

I guess I've told you my story here, never drank met a bloke who drank scotch now I've been drinking it for 16yrs, could never get a babysitter so drinking in became "the thing" needless to say I ditched him 8 yrs ago and changed to wine but the scotch just keeps creeping in. I have a very stressful job no one knows, how the hell I keep hitting my targets is beyond me but I do, but I see it all before me losing everything and bit by bit it's going, i've lost my family, friends, and im so scared im going to lose it all, i was always quite attractive but everytime i quit I get weird lines appear all over my face I think it's dehydration it's very scary none the less i'm at a loss the doctors say there's too much alcohol in my blood but even knowing all this "i've had a bad day" i'll drink "i've had a good day" I'll drink. I am so sick of this cycle it's killing me and everything that I know however I can now manage 3 days off 2 days on so I guess thats better than every night but my bank balance everything I saved is going. Alcohol is rife in my family 2 aunts have died because of it I don't want to fail my son I dont want to lose everything from this disease.
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Old 11-22-2012, 11:50 AM
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Thanks for the post and welcome to SR! I can definitely relate to a lot of what you are saying. It can definitely be frustrating why we do the same things over and over. My behavior was pretty radical. I did the same things over and over (drinking) and expected different results (something other than the depression and anxiety).

Turns out the two played off each other. Doesn't matter which one came first, but nothing was gonna change until I put a plug in the jug, stopped the drugs, and started putting some effort into getting better.

I bet a lot of folks here can relate to what you are experiencing. My question is, have you had enough? And what's your plan to change things?
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Old 11-22-2012, 11:54 AM
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I dont want to lose everything from this disease.

It's pretty much guaranteed that you will lose it all if you keep on drinking. Sounds like it's pretty bad now. I quit three years ago and haven't felt this good in a long time. My anxiety is a lot better now and I'm not making more problems for myself due to drinking.
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Old 11-22-2012, 11:58 AM
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Welcome back clearhead

Did you ever phone Drinkline or check out AA (or SMART)?

The National Alcohol Helpline-UK - Tel: 0800 917 8282
Offers help to callers worried about their own drinking; support to the family and friends of people who are drinking; advice to callers on where to go for help.

UK National AA Helpline
08457 697 555

SMART Recovery - SMART Recovery UK

Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) Great Britain

Addaction | Drugs & Alcohol Addiction and Recovery: Support - Help - Advice - Treatment

Alcohol services | Alcohol Concern

and some NHS links
Find more health services - Alcohol addiction support - NHS Choices

Sometimes I think some definitive action, a definite change...a reaching out for help and involving others, is needed.

It just might make all the difference & help you get 'unstuck'

D
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Old 11-22-2012, 12:03 PM
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Welcome to SR, clearhead44!
I'm happy you are able to cut back on the drinking.
I wasn't happy cutting back, it was all or nothing for me.
I am just over a year sober now and I am happier and healthier than I've been since I was 15, I am 43.
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Old 11-22-2012, 12:26 PM
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Good luck to you! Cutting back wasn't an option for me. I either get very drunk or I don't drink at all. If you're able to cut back, cut back. In any event it's a terrible thing to have alcohol calling the shots in ones life.
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Old 11-22-2012, 12:53 PM
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Welcome clearheaded, I too am quite succesful and built up my businesses drinking every night I suppose some people are more functioning than others I suppose it did help that I have staff and not going to work due to hangovers is no big deal since iam the boss,but that does not mean I don't have a very real problem..

I did cut back also but for me the obsession was always there, I was always waiting for the right day to have a drink obsessing what to drink how to drink etc to be honest I might aswell just carried on drinking everyday the obsession never changed I was just struggling to keep it in check.

I had to stop full stop to realise that there is so much more to life than drinking every night I want to be a role model to my daughter and not a down and out drunk like my fatherland his before him.

Why dont you stopping just for a period maybe 3 months see how you feel, you can always go back to drinking it ain't going nowhere. And one last thing I remember seeing a lady she was beautiful in her 20s but after 10 years of alcohol abuse she looks like a totally differant women, shame what this addiction does to us!!! Good luck...
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Old 11-29-2012, 11:03 AM
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Thanx

Thankyou all for your replies glad it's not just me (sorry) I know I've made a hash of things and it isn't getting any easier I just keep drinking and no one knows, I have limited friends no family and a kid that has now grown up seeing the worst of me it's the guilt I cant live with.. dont get me wrong I have a bad past as most people do but im so angry about it all iv'e tried hypnotherapy actually iv'e tried everything but all my regrets anger etc doesnt make me stop! thats more infuriating than anything I think so little of myself now im paranoid if someone pays me a compliment... I think im just a person who has had to cope so long alone (moneywise single parent etc) that drink for me has always been my release I have a very high pressured job which believe it or not I am good at maybe I just can't cope with real life I dont know but I've booked myself into a place and maybe I just need someone to listen it might work so here goes good luck to you all and special congratz to those who have ousted this crap xx
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Old 11-29-2012, 11:14 AM
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Hi clearhead. I just wanted to pop by and say welcome. You've been given some great advice already.

S x
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Old 11-29-2012, 01:34 PM
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One thing I have not seen in your posts is that you want to quit drinking.
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Old 11-29-2012, 01:42 PM
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maybe I just can't cope with real life
I used to really believe that - but I never really gave myself the chance to find out...a week sober here, a week there...maybe a month somewhere else...

I'm not sure that gives us enough time to gauge real life and our place in it?

D
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