Synfull Vyxun

So I am planning on moving back home to Australia, as far away from my A mother as possible.
My aunty is going to lend me money.
I just have to wait till she can get to the bank.
In the meantime, I have been warned not to tell A mother anything till the very last minute, But I am going to see my dad next weekend. He is also Australian and knows how badly I want to go home, get away from mother and he sort of knows how bad she is, but she denies a lot of it to him, and puts all the blame on me.
I am going to try cut contact with my mother, so don't care what happens there, but do I tell my dad beforehand or not until I am about to leave in case he lets my mother know, then she will guilt trip me and give me so much grief.
Even though I hear her talking about me, she hates me, why does she want me to stay here?
I can't handle her anymore anyway. A couple of nights ago she was wasted, fell over, smashed her head in the same place as she fractured her skull a couple of weeks ago, then she passed out in bed and somehow during the night lost her phone, she has been bugging me to help her find it, I have tried my best but am still sick, god knows what she did with it. She says she only wants it back as it has dirty text messages on it!!!
This morning she woke me up, for the most stupidest thing, I hardly sleep as it is as I am stressing about a lot of things, her waking me up to ask me if I had seen her keys, which were at the end of HER bed, I had to get up, go downstairs, see some random guy in my dressing gown, to open the till, (we live in a pub) because she thought she had left keys in the till and couldn't open it!!! I was not impressed this morning to say the least, and now she is back downstairs drinking. I just want to get out of here.
THIS AFTERNOON SHE TOLD ME SHE HAS STOPPED TAKING ONE OF HER PILLS, SHE TAKES HANDFULLS EACH DAY BECAUSE OF HER FYBROMYALGIA AND DEPRESSION!!!!!!!
She thinks her memory is getting better since she has stopped taking these pills!!! I think not!!!! But I can't say anything about it. So I just keep my mouth shut, hide away in my bedroom from her, and check my bank till my money gets here. ;-(

Tuffgirl

I understand the madness, and am so glad you are getting away from it. Good for Aunty and Dad!

That is about the only thing you can do right now - get away and stay away. The madness will pull you under if you don't.

My Mom is extremely bi-polar and manic and drinking copious amounts of alcohol right now. She sent an email out yesterday to the family and several strangers with paragraphs of lies about me. Nothing I can do about it, but recognize she's sick and the monster she is right now isn't the Mother I know.

Hang in there, hon. Get away as soon as you can and go live a life that is madness free.
Take good care,
~T

Maylie

I'm so happy that you are going to be able to get out of there.
If you feel your dad can keep the secret then tell him, but if you
even have the smallest doubt that he will tell your mom and your
ability to leave will be jeopardized, then keep it a secret. It is so
important that you get out of there, don't let anything make leaving
even harder. The last thing you need is for your mom to get a hint that
you are leaving.

Chris1000101

You are in a difficult position but this is what I would do. Just before boarding the plane, I would call dad to say, “I’m moving back home”. After the plain has landed in Australia and if I had any desire to call mum, I would say, “I’m now home, have a nice life”.

Others may have better ideas but that is just the way I am. I’ve burnt the bridges to my FOO it’s the only way to keep my sanity. It takes a thick skin to get it started but it does get better in time.

Rosiepetal

I wouldn't tell her, it will just cause problems for you.
Tell her when you've gone.
Sending all the best for getting out of there.
Hugs.

Titanic

Invite your Dad for a nice meal near (not in) the airport just before you get in line to board with your ticket in hand so you won't be approached whèn you're past security!

Happy Trails!

Synfull Vyxun

thank you everyone, my dad does leave near an international airport so I could ring him up when I am at the airport and allow time for him to come and say goodbye.
That is the best idea I reckon, completely hadn't thought of that.
I don't want to tell my mother, I am going to say I'm going to my dads for the weekend or whatever when I do go, So I will have a couple of days, dad never answers his fone unless it's work or me, so I don't have to worry about that, I think he will be ok, but I'm going to hold off on telling him yet.

Rosiepetal

We are here if you need us.
Thoughts with you & hugs.

Synfull Vyxun

thanks, I need you guys, you are the only ones keeping me sane, my dad and everyone just keeps telling me to keep her happy, be nice to her, look after her, etc etc.
I know they don't know what she is really like, as she denies everything I say and blames everything on me, but they are really not helping, I am trying to keep them happy so I don't get told off, I am trying to keep mother happy so we don't argue, I can't stand her telling me I have mental issues anymore, I may snap.
It is so bloody hard, I just want to get out of here.

Titanic

Actually, their disease does make us sick too. That's why its referred to as a "family" disease. Our lives become unmanageable and we need to be restored to sanity. Steps One and Two. Do some Step Study work on that F&F forum here in SR, as you're not going to Al-Anon right now.

Your dad doesn't live with her anymore, and he isn't healthy either because of the effects of the disease on him and the fact he hasn't gotten treated for it (Al-Anon). That's why he doesn't understand and isn't able to help.

Hoping your Auntie comes through soon.

Peace.