Titanic

Al-Anon member goes to group meetings for months. A double winner (AA member too) attends the same Al-Anon group all through those months, week in and week out. Stories shared.

Double winner decides to become the AA sponsor of the Al-Anon member's cheating alcoholic/addict spouse after rehab. Months after that, the AA sponsor accompanies the cheating spouse to divorce court for the first scheduling pretrial where both spouses must be present. Doesn't even say hello to the Al-Anon member. Another AA member could have been asked to go, but wasn't.

All about the Alcoholics/Addicts yet again.

Wrong? Shameful? Hold an Al-Anon group conscience meeting, call the person out and ask for action to be taken? One-to-one call out? Ask double winner to leave the Al-Anon group? Other thoughts, suggestions or concerns?

Hollyanne

Oh Lordy!
I would go the old "2 x 4" route myself on the double crossing, double winner.
That is wrong on so many levels.
Group conscience and throw his arse out of the AlAnon meeting.
That affects the whole group, not just the woman going through the divorce.

Has anyone spoken to this guy (assuming it is a guy) about what he is doing?
Has anyone pointed out the conflict of interest?
The devastation he is causing?

Maybe, he feels some level of importance and/or is enjoying the upheaval in some way.
Awful.

Loopydays

I cannot believe this happened BUT I suppose a group conscience meeting would be the option-
'Principle above personality'
I have only been going to meetings a few months- so do not have any experience of this.
Best wishes

Seren

I have to agree that a group conscience is needed in this case!

NYCDoglvr

A group conscience is about things affecting the group, not individual behavior. Is this the case here? The Big Book tells us not to judge other people but keep the focus on our own problems: we take our own inventory, not other people's.

redatlanta

Question - did Al Anon member know Double winner was spouse's sponsor?

Is double winner expected to testify at trial of things al-anon member talked about in meetings?

Shameful? yep.

onlythetruth

It's absolutely amazing, the stuff that goes on. And so often, people in a position to help, instead look the other way and justify their inaction based on "not taking the other person's inventory."

Such a shame...oh, such a shame.

Titanic

Group conscience also can deal with individual behavior, such as when a member: keeps talking religion or politics, crosstalks, delves into alternative treatment or therapy types, breaks anonymity, etc. Usually, the member is first told to stop in group, or taken aside and asked to stop. However, this is continuing. That's when a decision has to be made by group conscience. What would you do, NYCDoglvr, if one of your AA members outed your alcoholism or addiction, or constantly tried to criticize you in your home group?

Titanic

The Al-Anon member put two and two together months after AA member started sponsoring the spouse (who has been involved with another addict met in rehab - sponsor hasn't put the kabosh on that either). Spouse mentioned the sponsor's unique name. After that, the sponsor cut back meeting attendance to about once a month. Of course, there's been a chilling effect on sharing and cameraderie among the group members some of whom are aware of the situation. Certainly, it has affected the two individuals as well as the group. What effect will calling the AA sponsor out have on the way the other members respond in the future to the Al-Anon member, whether or not the AA sponsor is asked to leave?

Also bear in mind that there are far fewer Al-Anon meetings and members than AA ones.

Have no idea regarding the other question, redatlanta , but I think AA sponsors are sometimes called as witnesses in criminal cases to vouch for meeting attendance, sobriety efforts etc.

redatlanta

To me this is ethically wrong. This person should have never taken on sponsorship of the AA person and continued with this particular al anon meeting its an absolute conflict of interest.

If its affecting the entire group and it sounds like it is, a group conscience should happen immediately.

fourmaggie

ooh man! so "morally" wrong with that....

fourmaggie

curious...i was wondering about the dble winners sponsor, didnt his sponsor step in and say something?...

Titanic

Don't know. I don't think the double winner even considers it an issue. Thus, unlikely to have talked about it to sponsor.

Freedom1990

Unfortunately, there are a lot of bad things that happen outside the rooms of AA/Alanon.

When I am conflicted, I turned to the 12 traditions and see if any of those apply to the situation.

Personally I'd pray for that "double-winner." Those are the kind of people I have to pray for in order to not explode in anger or harbor resentment.