Holiday Expectations...
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Holiday Expectations...
Hi everyone! I do hope there is joy and peace and fun in everyone's day today! 
Holidays can be a bit tough for us (those of us who love someone who struggles with addiction) because our lives, our homes, and our relationships may be in constant change. On top of this, so many of us have such 'Norman Rockwell' expectations of the holidays. Everyone dressed nicely, sharing a loving family day, food turning out perfectly. These expectations combined with the ever changing landscape of living with addiction can cause so much stress!
I used to feel that need for perfection, too. And then I started to think about what the holidays were like in my family growing up--and I don't know where or when I decided everything and everyone had to be 'Martha Stewart' perfect.
You see, I am the child of a retired commercial airline captain. Those of you who grew up with military parents may have experienced the same thing...but we never were able to celebrate a holiday on the actual day itself.
Dinner on Thanksgiving Day might have been pizza or burgers....and the big meal may have occurred a few days later when Dad returned from a trip. Same thing with Christmas and New Year. So there was never any pressure growing up for everything to be perfect and everyone to be together on 'the day'. We were grateful for the time together even if it wasn't on the magic day itself.
Somehow, though, when I became an adult my own expectations changed. I wanted everything to be perfect and everyone to be happy on "the day". How miserable was I as I continued to try to pull that off, you ask? Pretty darn......
I have finally reached a point in my life again where I can be grateful for whenever and however I can spend time with the people I love. Today, I'm going to be working on a small drywall repair project in my house. Hopefully we will be able to visit with my stepdaughter, son-in-law, and grandson this afternoon. I have the salad fixin's!
I'm grateful...for family, for friends, and a patient husband who is letting me tackle this drywall repair project on my own! I hope that you and yours will have some joy and peace today!!
Much love, HG
Holidays can be a bit tough for us (those of us who love someone who struggles with addiction) because our lives, our homes, and our relationships may be in constant change. On top of this, so many of us have such 'Norman Rockwell' expectations of the holidays. Everyone dressed nicely, sharing a loving family day, food turning out perfectly. These expectations combined with the ever changing landscape of living with addiction can cause so much stress!
I used to feel that need for perfection, too. And then I started to think about what the holidays were like in my family growing up--and I don't know where or when I decided everything and everyone had to be 'Martha Stewart' perfect.
You see, I am the child of a retired commercial airline captain. Those of you who grew up with military parents may have experienced the same thing...but we never were able to celebrate a holiday on the actual day itself.
Dinner on Thanksgiving Day might have been pizza or burgers....and the big meal may have occurred a few days later when Dad returned from a trip. Same thing with Christmas and New Year. So there was never any pressure growing up for everything to be perfect and everyone to be together on 'the day'. We were grateful for the time together even if it wasn't on the magic day itself.
Somehow, though, when I became an adult my own expectations changed. I wanted everything to be perfect and everyone to be happy on "the day". How miserable was I as I continued to try to pull that off, you ask? Pretty darn......
I have finally reached a point in my life again where I can be grateful for whenever and however I can spend time with the people I love. Today, I'm going to be working on a small drywall repair project in my house. Hopefully we will be able to visit with my stepdaughter, son-in-law, and grandson this afternoon. I have the salad fixin's!
I'm grateful...for family, for friends, and a patient husband who is letting me tackle this drywall repair project on my own! I hope that you and yours will have some joy and peace today!!
Much love, HG
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
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Love your signature, Hydrogirl.
I understand the "need" for perfection, or at least for it to appear that way from the outside looking in. I am trying to be more flexible with that though.
My father is a commerical airline captain too. So our holidays have always evolved around him and his flights.
Glad to hear you are grateful. I am too. Have a fabulous Thanksgiving Hydrogirl, and dont forget that their is perfection in imperfection
I understand the "need" for perfection, or at least for it to appear that way from the outside looking in. I am trying to be more flexible with that though.
My father is a commerical airline captain too. So our holidays have always evolved around him and his flights.
Glad to hear you are grateful. I am too. Have a fabulous Thanksgiving Hydrogirl, and dont forget that their is perfection in imperfection
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Your post really hits home. Holidays were always stressful for me because of ME.
My husband always enjoyed doing all the cooking. Instead of being grateful, I would stress the whole day about what a mess MY kitchen was going to be. In fact, I more then stressed about it, I complained and have actually been mad.
Today, we are going to friends for Thanksgiving. He is making a couple of his signature sides dishes and I have already had a long talk with myself about it.
I am going to be thankful that we have food to prepare, thankful for a kitchen to cook it in and thankful for good friends to share it with. A messy kitchen is nothing to stress about. He does clean it as he goes along but of course it was never up to my standards. ughhhhhh I created my own stress for years. Today, I will smile, relax, laugh and be thankful.
My husband always enjoyed doing all the cooking. Instead of being grateful, I would stress the whole day about what a mess MY kitchen was going to be. In fact, I more then stressed about it, I complained and have actually been mad.
Today, we are going to friends for Thanksgiving. He is making a couple of his signature sides dishes and I have already had a long talk with myself about it.
I am going to be thankful that we have food to prepare, thankful for a kitchen to cook it in and thankful for good friends to share it with. A messy kitchen is nothing to stress about. He does clean it as he goes along but of course it was never up to my standards. ughhhhhh I created my own stress for years. Today, I will smile, relax, laugh and be thankful.
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Dear Hydrogirl, thank you for the thanksgiving message. I join you in expressing my appreciation for our SR family! I know what you mean about the over-idealization thing. It reminds me of my sister who did the same thing. We have called her "Alice in Wonderland". Her rigid and unrealistic expectations have fueled lots of arguments. I think when one is unhappy with their real life---sometimes, they try to adopt an idealized one that they have heard about or seen elsewhere.
I so agree with you that the images that are portrayed on TV and in other media is very hard for those of us who haven't lived in the "Normal Rockwell" and June Cleaver world. This is especially hard around the holidays.
Hydrogirl--GUESS WHAT?---I cooked my turkey in a crockpot last night. I won't have any family this year (long sad story). I have invited the guy who cuts my yard and his work crew for dinner. They are all recent imigrants (Latino). I told him that it would be all Americano food and soul music. (He has no idea what soul music is). This should make for an interesting bi-cultural experience. This is going to be fun!!
I am working so hard not to let sadness dominate this holiday.
Thanks again, hydrogirl---have a fabulous day with your family!
sincerely, dandylion
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Originally Posted by LoveMeNot 
Your post really hits home. Holidays were always stressful for me because of ME.
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Today, I will smile, relax, laugh and be thankful.
...
Today, I will smile, relax, laugh and be thankful.
Originally Posted by dandylion
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Hydrogirl--GUESS WHAT?---I cooked my turkey in a crockpot last night. I won't have any family this year (long sad story). I have invited the guy who cuts my yard and his work crew for dinner. They are all recent imigrants (Latino). I told him that it would be all Americano food and soul music. (He has no idea what soul music is). This should make for an interesting bi-cultural experience. This is going to be fun!!
Hydrogirl--GUESS WHAT?---I cooked my turkey in a crockpot last night. I won't have any family this year (long sad story). I have invited the guy who cuts my yard and his work crew for dinner. They are all recent imigrants (Latino). I told him that it would be all Americano food and soul music. (He has no idea what soul music is). This should make for an interesting bi-cultural experience. This is going to be fun!!
Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr
It took me quite a while to learn to let go of expectations because it's simply a way of setting myself up to be miserable. Wishing you a very happy Thanksgiving!
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