LeSigh

Hi folks,

Well, it's all moving quite fast around here, my AH said some things on Sunday (see my first post from a few days back, I'm not able to link to it because I'm a newbie) and it was like the elastic band inside me twanged, or got stretched so far it pinged off the catapult..

It moved me to stop taking the lines he was feeding me and start making changes to the things I could control.

So I kept on with asking him to leave, and eventually he got it into his ears and now he is at his parents, and I'm relieved it's finally changing.

He's been texting me all day begging to 'talk it over' and I've stuck to my guns, telling him I've been trying to warn him for weeks, and this is the consequences of the choices he's made.

When I married him, I meant the vows, but I feel like I've given more than I promised already in our short lived time together.

I've asked for a month to have the time to get my head straight and start to live again. In the begging phase, he has suggested counselling - I've agreed to attend if he organises it and suggested that that's the best place to have any discussion about it.

So.

He's away, the flat is quiet and my cats are being kind to me. And there is NO DRUNKEN SNORING to rob me of sleep

But.

The house is full of his stuff, and he still has keys. I am new to all this. Is this the start of no contact? What's the best way to negotiate the next while? He needs more than one uniform for his job and they are all here, so I'm steeling myself for a visit,though I'd like to hope he'd get in touch before coming back here. Should I change my locks, or would that just fire him up, particularly since I've asked for time to think, not a divorce (yet!)

I'm hoping this month will give me the opportunity to re-evaluate and know for sure if leaving is the right thing to do..

In his quacky texts today he offered to go back to AA "if that's what you need". The point is he has to go to them because he recognises HIS need, not mine, right?

It's been such a long day/week/month/year, I'm totally exhausted

But tomorrow is a new day - More meetings, less tears.. I hope!

Confetti

In my experience, they will use plenty of excuses to just pop in, show up, or stop by. I knew that my STBXAH would claim that he needed to stop in to get belongings. I packed them up and had his mother get them. I also stated that if I forgot anything, to let me know and I would look for it and send it to his parents house. I did change the locks, but then again, it was clear that we would be getting a divorce as soon as I kicked him out. That and I just couldn't sleep soundly knowing that he had access to the home even though he was hours away. I wouldn't put it past him on a binge to decide to show up in the middle of the night.
If you are worried, you could just ask for the keys back. I'm pretty sure that mine had extra ones cut, so new locks was the way to go!

Yes.....no drunken snoring is awesome!!! One of my favorite new things....if only the baby would sleep through the night, I'd be well rested!

Sending you lots of happy thoughts!

ZiggyB

I probably wouldn't change the locks just yet but he will have to come back and get his stuff sometime so you'll need to prepare yourself for that, unless you want him to do it when you're not there or you can get someone else to do it as Confetti suggests. If you've agreed to counseling he probably thinks there is hope... do you feel there is hope?

In any case the month should give you a well deserved break and give him a lot to think about. I can totally relate to the feelings of exhaustion and I feel a healthy relationship should help to affirm you and not deplete all of your coping resources.

LeSigh

I guess I want there to be hope. I want to be sure I've done what I could to ensure I'm not being hasty.

Feels ridiculous even writing that down, but I think I can spare a month for the choices that will lead to the rest of my life..

I guess time will tell, and in the meantime I've got my life to reconstruct by going to meetings and doing all the other things I put on hold for him in hope of avoiding another mess.

Thanks so much, typing/talking really helps doesn't it!

grammyb

This forum helps a lot it gives you strength and courage . Take the time you need to make your decision. The right time is when you're ready. Be grateful, he's gone as it allows you to think in peace. My AH knows I've been to an attorney and the end is near. Things are so much worse as a result. His car is pretty much parked sideways in the driveway and he pretty much immediately passed out in his chair, jacket on and all.
I'm trying to hold it together as I have 33 for dinner tomorrow . It will be so much better next year as the side circus show will be gone. Enjoy your peace, quiet and lack of snoring. The right decision for you will come. For me making the decision was the hardest part.