New to This...Words of Wisdom???

Old 11-21-2012, 12:21 PM
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New to This...Words of Wisdom???

Hi! I just signed up at this site today. I am a single mom with one daughter, 18 years old. She is presently in jail on probation violations. She has been there since Oct. 22. Tomorrow is my first holiday without her. I'm fairly ok about it. I know she has a place to sleep & she is not on meth. This has been a 2 year problem. Although I suspected she was using drugs, I never could prove it & of course, she adamantly denied it. When I found the meth in her room in my house, I offered Rehab, which she turned down. I was the one who had her arrested last Feb. Needless to say, she doesn't consider me her best friend. Her boyfriend, also a meth user, bonded her out after 2 days. She went on probation, but kept going out of state for the boyfriend. I went & got her when she got herself into a dangerous situation (taking off way south with people she didn't even know) & turned her in to PO.
She has a court date, Dec. 10 & her PO says the judge listens. There is a possiblity if she will go to a treatment facility that probation could be reinstated and if she completes a program, the judge may expunge her felony & misdemeanor. I located Cenikor in Baton Rouge. Does anyone know anything about the program? I know it's 24 mos. inresidence. Has anyone had a good experience with them?
I just my daughter will go into something like this. Rt. now she wants to go where her inmate "friends" have gone. It's a 28 day 12 step program, but does not offer GED or housing help or work help. Talking to my daughter is really hard--obviously she blames me and that's okay. But she just doesn't seem to see reality--her "plan" is to do 28 days, get a job, get a loan from a bank & buy a car. And when I tell her, through a glass window on a phone--that that is not very realistic & she needs to focus on getting off meth first---well, I'm the enemy again.
Words of wisdom, guys????
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Old 11-21-2012, 03:34 PM
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I looked at their website. I did not see any red flags. In fact, just the opposite. They seem focused ono teaching people how to take responsibility for themselves and that's not going to happen to any 18 year old, in any 28 day program. I like how it was created by inmates and that it has a 40 year track record.

So long as your daughter has a strong and sincere desire to change, she will. If she does not, it won't matter where she lands.

Unfortunately, I suspect she will opt for the 28 day program with her new found friends. Best case senario for an 18 year old with minimal education is competing for part time minimum wage work, $7.25 in your state. That's not going to allow her to take responsibility for herself.

Her lousy choices however, do not have to become your life sentence.That's the part you control. She is hell bent on living her life as she sees fit to do and will do so with or without your blessing.
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Old 11-21-2012, 04:18 PM
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Sigh...well, Outtolunch, my dad told me pretty much the same thing you said. He said to send her the info. and encourage her to go, but to be prepared that she may very well opt for the easy way out. Just blows my mind and really saddens me. I don't know HOW she got hooked on meth. I've been a teacher ten years and have seen first hand how meth destroys families. My daughter and I talked ALOT about drugs since she was little and she knows my no-tolerance stance. She knew before she started that I would put her rehab or jail immediately....and yet, she still did it. I just don't get it.
Thank you for your insight.
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Old 11-21-2012, 04:40 PM
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i feel for you. i have 2 daughters, both are just normal teenagers (actually i take that back...they are respectful, intelligent, teenagers not interested in anything but school and their friends right now...which for aussie teenagers is rare...most are boy crazy)...but i hope i never find myself in your shoes. you seem to be doing the right thing for yourself and your daughter by the zero tolerance stance. it would be a very tough situation to be in, but for your own sanity, im guessing its the only one that will save you, and i hope, your daughter too.

wishing you the best and hope for a good ending where she can make good choices for herself.
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Old 11-21-2012, 06:01 PM
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kajund,

Welcome to SR. I'm sorry for what has brought you here. Know that you are among friends who will share their experience, strength and hope with you, will listen to you and support you.

Have you attended any NarAnon or AlAnon? The face to face meetings were a real life saver for me. I was pissed about going at first, depressed about facing that my son was a drug addict, but in the end they really, really helped.

My son was older by the time I was dealing with his addiction, we did not live together, he was making his own decisions and there was no changing his mind. After about 9 months in homeless shelters, he checked himself into a very short "spin dry" detox/rehab type program and then went to a 6 month recovery house. So, I'm sorry I do not have experience with the type of rehab you are looking into.

I just wanted to say "hi" and wish you good luck.
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Old 11-22-2012, 05:57 AM
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I am also new to joining SR. I have read many valuable things here in the last few years. One of them is at the top of the page as a sticky. What Addicts Do...I read it every day for a long time. it helped me to understand my daughter as an active addict. Her actions made more sense after I read that and my expectations were more in line with reality. It really helped me.
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Old 11-23-2012, 09:31 AM
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JMFburns- I live in a rural town. The closest city is 45-60 min. away, so there is no al-anon stuff here. Recently a Celebrate Recovery started. I went to that once. VERY small--me and a recovering addict in group. Someone sent me an invite for al-anon online. I'll prolly try that out. Thanks for the tip.
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