han90

Hi everyone, I'm just in need of some support/guidance
.my mother is a alcoholic who is also bulimic, its just really getting me and my two siblings down and we are struggling to cope. I love my mother but do not like who she has become she lies is abusive and is very nasty to me in particular as I live im the same household as her. She is very secretive about her drinking but its obvious when she's had a drink as she acts very childish! I am sick of being her parent and wish she would do her job and be our mother.my step dad is also a alcoholic who lives with is so makes this situation even more horrendous!please give me some advice I'm at my wits end! X

alole

I don't really know much about alcoholics but I know Al-teen( Al-anon teen?) can help you. Also maybe you and your siblings could live with another relative for awhile. If you do find a relative who can keep up for awhile it would very easy for them to go to child protective services and deem your parents unfit and you guys won't be put back into the home until they can prove they have done better and gotten help.

outonalimb

I'm glad you reached out for help here at SR. That's a good step. Have you reached out anywhere else? Have you spoken with a counselor at school? Another trusted adult? You can't fix this situation. There isn't anything you can do or say that will make your parents get well any faster. But you can take care of yourself. Al ateen would be a great place for you. you'll meet alot of kids with the exact same issues at home and you'll learn healthy ways to deal with it. Keep reaching out for help.

ShootingStar1

Han90, I am so sorry to hear about your situation with your mother and step-father. Are you and your siblings still at home in high school, or are they a bit older and out of the house now?

First of all, please truly believe that:What that means is that you are entitled to do what you need to take care of yourself, and be taken care of properly. You don't have to live like this, and you don't have to feel guilty about wanting to live in a happier healthier way.

The next question is how do you get the resources to make your living situation healthier. Talking to a counselor at school, or a favorite teacher is a place to start. If you to church, that is also a place to find help; or, if you don't, you can go to a friend's church for help. Do you have a relative who would understand what is going on at home and help you?

It is okay to talk with people outside your home about what is happening at home. I grew up with an alcoholic father and a weak mother who took care of him but not my brother or me. My family made me believe that all that went on at home behind closed doors had to be secret or I would be punished.

That is not true. Talk to someone wise who can help you, and they will help find a solution for you.

Keep coming back here, we're all here for you. Nothing is too small or too big or too secret to talk about; you deserve better.

ShootingStar1

lillamy

This. Absolutely. It is very, very important.
One of the ugly parts of alcoholism is that we don't talk about it. We're sort of ashamed of it, even if we're not the one drinking.

When I started talking about the fact that my husband was an alcoholic, I found that I was not alone. I have never met a person who said "Really? How screwed up is THAT?" -- every single person I have talked to has a family member or friend who is an alcoholic. It might be a parent, a child, an uncle, a cousin, or a neighbor. It is way more common than you think.

And it's nothing to be ashamed of.

You are also absolutely right that you should not have to be a parent to your parent.

I know it's frightening to start talking to people about this. I know that what alole talked about might be your biggest fear -- that The Scary Authorities will come down and break up the family and it will all be your fault. That's what my son was afraid of when he first talked to his school counselor about his father's alcoholism. I know you want your mother to get help. To get healthy. But it's OK to get help for yourself, and for your siblings, even if she doesn't.

Lots of love to you. And big hugs. And come back here. As often as you like.

han90

Thank you for your replys i feel better knowing i can talk on her to people. I juwt sometimes just want some advice. All i want is a cuddle from my mum but she is too drunk to think about anyone but herself. My sister and brother deal with this better than me by ignoring her but i cant I want to help which makes her even more nasty towards me. X

ShootingStar1

Consider yourself hugged by all your new friends and supporters on Sober Recovery!

ShootingStar1

Kassie2

Sending you another hug!

I have a lot of memories both good and bad with my mother and her addiction. Often I felt alone and unable to tell other adults in my life eventhough they asked me if I had anything I wanted to tell them. I realized they did notice something and I was too afraid to tell anyone - spent much time in my room day dreaming and wishing to be anywhere else where I had a different life.

Today I am in control of my life and I look back at those years and wonder why I didn't just tell someone. I wonder how different my life would be today if I had done this.

Today I send you positive thoughts and warm hugs to soothe you. Think about who you could trust to tell. Parents are supposed to take care of the kids not the other way around.