Just want to reaffirm I am NOT crazy! Kind of OT
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Just want to reaffirm I am NOT crazy! Kind of OT
So me and the guy I was dating(for a year! And he was my 1st) broke up. He broke up through a text message! Yes a text message after I told him doing something like that would hurt me and he knew it would not go down well.
Anyways Am I crazy for being mad? Am I crazy for texting him. I believe we broke up three weeks ago and I haven't texted him everyday and I mostly just texted him asking what did I do? Was it someone else? Why would you want to hurt me? I also sent him a nice letter pretty much letting him know I felt he was a better and bigger guy, and breaking up via text(at 29 almost 30 in DEC) was beneath him.(even he said the letter was nice). Anyways so it has been three weeks and I really was hoping he would come to his senses and at least call me and apologize about the way he ended things. So I did something crazy I called him a whole bunch of times(just this once, not once have I called him since he broke up with me) I was just mad he sent me over the edge he made me feel like **** like I was worthless and like her threw me away. Like I wasn't good enough for a real break-up.
On another note he does most likely have a drinking problem and I find it strange that he started drinking more again after his dui probation which was in September which also correlates to this whole break up thing. Not only that he hasn't given me one straight answer on why he broke up with me. He just keeps saying things he thinks sounds nice like "bad timing" and "that is life" "deal with it" "you're immature I don't think you were ready for a mature relationship"(says the man who broke up via text, spends more time playing golf than he would with any woman, like things his way, can never apologize, still gets drunk like he is 21, the list goes on and on). Etc Etc crap that he knows I know is a lie and doesn't make any sense anyways.
I mentioned he might have a drinking problem and he flipped out on me twice when I mentioned it, called me evil, immature, etc, etc.
Now I totally agree he isn't ready for a relationship with anyone and yes we did need to take a break I don't want no man who needs fixing and expects me to fix it.(I think he kind of knew that). But at the time we got together it seemed he wanted to change but some where along the line he fell off(maybe it was me, although I tried to positive, give him his space, let him do his own thing).
Was I wrong, am I crazy? Am I psycho? He threatened to put a restraining order out on me but I didn't threaten him I didn't even say anything really mean to him but to be a man and grow up, and just handle this situation like a man.
I just need a woman's advice maybe mans. Sorry if this is very off topic but everyone seems so nice here with great advice and uplifting things to say.
Anyways Am I crazy for being mad? Am I crazy for texting him. I believe we broke up three weeks ago and I haven't texted him everyday and I mostly just texted him asking what did I do? Was it someone else? Why would you want to hurt me? I also sent him a nice letter pretty much letting him know I felt he was a better and bigger guy, and breaking up via text(at 29 almost 30 in DEC) was beneath him.(even he said the letter was nice). Anyways so it has been three weeks and I really was hoping he would come to his senses and at least call me and apologize about the way he ended things. So I did something crazy I called him a whole bunch of times(just this once, not once have I called him since he broke up with me) I was just mad he sent me over the edge he made me feel like **** like I was worthless and like her threw me away. Like I wasn't good enough for a real break-up.
On another note he does most likely have a drinking problem and I find it strange that he started drinking more again after his dui probation which was in September which also correlates to this whole break up thing. Not only that he hasn't given me one straight answer on why he broke up with me. He just keeps saying things he thinks sounds nice like "bad timing" and "that is life" "deal with it" "you're immature I don't think you were ready for a mature relationship"(says the man who broke up via text, spends more time playing golf than he would with any woman, like things his way, can never apologize, still gets drunk like he is 21, the list goes on and on). Etc Etc crap that he knows I know is a lie and doesn't make any sense anyways.
I mentioned he might have a drinking problem and he flipped out on me twice when I mentioned it, called me evil, immature, etc, etc.
Now I totally agree he isn't ready for a relationship with anyone and yes we did need to take a break I don't want no man who needs fixing and expects me to fix it.(I think he kind of knew that). But at the time we got together it seemed he wanted to change but some where along the line he fell off(maybe it was me, although I tried to positive, give him his space, let him do his own thing).
Was I wrong, am I crazy? Am I psycho? He threatened to put a restraining order out on me but I didn't threaten him I didn't even say anything really mean to him but to be a man and grow up, and just handle this situation like a man.
I just need a woman's advice maybe mans. Sorry if this is very off topic but everyone seems so nice here with great advice and uplifting things to say.
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On another note I would like to say I asked my Grandmother was I crazy and she said that what I did was crazy but justifiable. Maybe she is wrong. But she certainly is level headed and the smartest woman I know, but maybe she is just being nice.
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I don't think you are crazy - I think you are hurt and that does make people do crazy things.
I agree with your Grandmother - but I gotta say I am not sure why you care given the list you used to describe him. On top of texting the break up - good riddance!
A year is a long time to spend with someone especially your first to have them discard you like you weren't special or it wasn't important, but it shows the kind of person he is.......an a**hole, so be glad.
An early learning experience that you CANNOT change people. Sorry this happened to you sweetie, lose his number. Further contact is just going to frustrate you and **** him off.
I agree with your Grandmother - but I gotta say I am not sure why you care given the list you used to describe him. On top of texting the break up - good riddance!
A year is a long time to spend with someone especially your first to have them discard you like you weren't special or it wasn't important, but it shows the kind of person he is.......an a**hole, so be glad.
An early learning experience that you CANNOT change people. Sorry this happened to you sweetie, lose his number. Further contact is just going to frustrate you and **** him off.
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Crazy for being upset about the way he handled the break up - NO. What kind of person breaks up with someone vai text message? What a jerk.
However - now it is done. He is a complete azz and no amount of harrassment on your end is going to change that. It is unfair how he treated you but he is not going to right this wrong. Now is the time for acceptance and to find your own peace and move on. Kick him out of your head.
However - now it is done. He is a complete azz and no amount of harrassment on your end is going to change that. It is unfair how he treated you but he is not going to right this wrong. Now is the time for acceptance and to find your own peace and move on. Kick him out of your head.
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I'm just mad that it got to this. He knew in the end the result would be craziness and it wasn't going to go down normal. I am ashamed of what I did but at the same time I felt I was backed into a crazy corner. I feel like if he had broken up to me like a normal person, I would have handled myself with dignity and respect. In some ways I think he did it this way because he knew he would get a crazy result, he couldn't stand it if he did it the right way and I actually got over him in normal time with a normal healing process.(although I tend to bounce back quicker than most usually in the situations, but now that won't happen because I have been crushed). I even thought about acting like I didn't give a crap whether he broke up with me or not(when I originally got his text) but
A. I didn't want to hurt his feelings
B. I felt he didn't deserve a normal response(although it was nothing but me begging and asking what I did, I never truly got nasty like some women). And I didn't even try to call him.( that day, three weeks later yes I did go crazy)
C. He is crazy and warps things the wrong way, if I had acted like I didn't care, he would have mostly likely truly ended things and all contact, because in his crazy mind it would mean I had someone else(yes he would act paranoid about stuff like this, like if he broke a date and I didn't act like I cared he would say "well fine go have fun with your "friends" or your other boyfriend").
A. I didn't want to hurt his feelings
B. I felt he didn't deserve a normal response(although it was nothing but me begging and asking what I did, I never truly got nasty like some women). And I didn't even try to call him.( that day, three weeks later yes I did go crazy)
C. He is crazy and warps things the wrong way, if I had acted like I didn't care, he would have mostly likely truly ended things and all contact, because in his crazy mind it would mean I had someone else(yes he would act paranoid about stuff like this, like if he broke a date and I didn't act like I cared he would say "well fine go have fun with your "friends" or your other boyfriend").
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This is no longer about him. It does not matter what he thinks, does, perceives, or how he acts. He has left. Let him go. Your comment about 'truely ending things' seems like denial. He has truely ended things even if he didn't do it in a normal way.
You decide, from this moment on, what kind of a person you want to be, what your life will look like etc. If he acts crazy - that is on him. Get out of his crazy and step back into your normal. You deserve that.
You decide, from this moment on, what kind of a person you want to be, what your life will look like etc. If he acts crazy - that is on him. Get out of his crazy and step back into your normal. You deserve that.
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Originally Posted by Thumper 
This is no longer about him. It does not matter what he thinks, does, perceives, or how he acts. He has left. Let him go. Your comment about 'truely ending things' seems like denial. He has truely ended things even if he didn't do it in a normal way.
You decide, from this moment on, what kind of a person you want to be, what your life will look like etc. If he acts crazy - that is on him. Get out of his crazy and step back into your normal. You deserve that.
You decide, from this moment on, what kind of a person you want to be, what your life will look like etc. If he acts crazy - that is on him. Get out of his crazy and step back into your normal. You deserve that.
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The following words I give to you as a mother of three daughters:
Alole, This guy has is not a man. What a very weak individual to end a relationship via text message. He took the easy way out, that's for sure. His actions show total disregard for your feelings. His action say " I do not care." Nothing you can do about that.
You can choose to pull it together, and stop contacting him. Everytime you call him, you are giving him ammunition. You are confirming (in his head) that you are some crazy, psycho. You are feeding his ego. I would pick myself up, brush myself off, and move on. He is not worthy of your time. You deserve better.
Not every relationship is a happily ever after success story. Consider this a small chapter in your rest of your life story. Focus on yourself, work on you, be the kind of woman that is confident, who knows who she is, raise the bar. Only you can show others how you expect to be treated. Needy, clingy women will always attract the wrong kind of man.
Your personal joy will never be found with another human, it's already within yourself. You just have to work to bring it to the surface.
Alole, This guy has is not a man. What a very weak individual to end a relationship via text message. He took the easy way out, that's for sure. His actions show total disregard for your feelings. His action say " I do not care." Nothing you can do about that.
You can choose to pull it together, and stop contacting him. Everytime you call him, you are giving him ammunition. You are confirming (in his head) that you are some crazy, psycho. You are feeding his ego. I would pick myself up, brush myself off, and move on. He is not worthy of your time. You deserve better.
Not every relationship is a happily ever after success story. Consider this a small chapter in your rest of your life story. Focus on yourself, work on you, be the kind of woman that is confident, who knows who she is, raise the bar. Only you can show others how you expect to be treated. Needy, clingy women will always attract the wrong kind of man.
Your personal joy will never be found with another human, it's already within yourself. You just have to work to bring it to the surface.
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This is what I see, and I could be wrong, but...looking at this you know from a completely detached way, and hearing the story from afar with players I don't know...the little bit you have shared appears like this to me:
--He's just not that into you. Why do I say that? Look at the callous way that he broke up with you, and the texts after. It's not like the guy was broken up in tears afterward. He sends texts like "get over it", not texts like "I'm sorry, falling apart and crying here, give me another chance". So somewhere in a woman's mind we start to think that he is just being "tough". Well look at it this way instead--When somebody shows you who they are--BELIEVE THEM. He's not in tough guy mode, barely holding himself together and crying secretly in a corner over you. This is who he really is!
--You straight up tell us that you were not going to take care of a grown man, and that he knew it.
Have you considered that he sees women like some aggressive immature types do as prey?
Tie those last two sentences I wrote together. He will find the woman that caters to him and is submissive to his desires. It's not that hard to find those kind of women out there you know. You said that you wouldn't fill that role. I think with his selfish callous ways, that you are easily replaced, and that he will find someone who will fill that role.
Ouch!
You don't want to be his puppet. I think he is out there finding one.
--He's just not that into you. Why do I say that? Look at the callous way that he broke up with you, and the texts after. It's not like the guy was broken up in tears afterward. He sends texts like "get over it", not texts like "I'm sorry, falling apart and crying here, give me another chance". So somewhere in a woman's mind we start to think that he is just being "tough". Well look at it this way instead--When somebody shows you who they are--BELIEVE THEM. He's not in tough guy mode, barely holding himself together and crying secretly in a corner over you. This is who he really is!
--You straight up tell us that you were not going to take care of a grown man, and that he knew it.
Have you considered that he sees women like some aggressive immature types do as prey?
Tie those last two sentences I wrote together. He will find the woman that caters to him and is submissive to his desires. It's not that hard to find those kind of women out there you know. You said that you wouldn't fill that role. I think with his selfish callous ways, that you are easily replaced, and that he will find someone who will fill that role.
Ouch!
You don't want to be his puppet. I think he is out there finding one.
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I don't think you are crazy either, you are hurt and angry and it's a normal response to that type of situation. He is a coward and most likely was afraid of a confrontation. Did you ever read that book "He's just not that into you?" It doesn't even matter WHY he broke up with you, just that he doesn't want to be with you anymore.
My axbf and I had a horrible fight on the day we broke up, which is still very much in my mind. He was cruel, insulting and vindictive and used all of my insecurities against me, throwing them in my face. After I tried to break up with him he sent me a letter outlining my character flaws. I'm still angry about that 4 months later as it was very traumatizing. I think next time I would rather have the text! lol
On a serious note though, contacting someone who has said not to contact them, especially if they have threatened you with a restraining order, is something to pay attention to. I know it's difficult as I have done the same stupid **** myself trying to make sense of it all... for me it was 3 years and it has been an agonizing ordeal.
Hang in there!
My axbf and I had a horrible fight on the day we broke up, which is still very much in my mind. He was cruel, insulting and vindictive and used all of my insecurities against me, throwing them in my face. After I tried to break up with him he sent me a letter outlining my character flaws. I'm still angry about that 4 months later as it was very traumatizing. I think next time I would rather have the text! lol
On a serious note though, contacting someone who has said not to contact them, especially if they have threatened you with a restraining order, is something to pay attention to. I know it's difficult as I have done the same stupid **** myself trying to make sense of it all... for me it was 3 years and it has been an agonizing ordeal.
Hang in there!
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Crazy? No. If someone is acting irrationally, the people around them rightfully have questions and concerns about their behavior and what's happening.
THAT SAID, "No" is a complete sentence, and he doesn't want to be with you or hear from you anymore. You need to take him at his word. He broke up with you. That's not negotiable. It's time to walk away.
THAT SAID, "No" is a complete sentence, and he doesn't want to be with you or hear from you anymore. You need to take him at his word. He broke up with you. That's not negotiable. It's time to walk away.
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Originally Posted by marie1960
The following words I give to you as a mother of three daughters:
Alole, This guy has is not a man. What a very weak individual to end a relationship via text message. He took the easy way out, that's for sure. His actions show total disregard for your feelings. His action say " I do not care." Nothing you can do about that.
You can choose to pull it together, and stop contacting him. Everytime you call him, you are giving him ammunition. You are confirming (in his head) that you are some crazy, psycho. You are feeding his ego. I would pick myself up, brush myself off, and move on. He is not worthy of your time. You deserve better.
Not every relationship is a happily ever after success story. Consider this a small chapter in your rest of your life story. Focus on yourself, work on you, be the kind of woman that is confident, who knows who she is, raise the bar. Only you can show others how you expect to be treated. Needy, clingy women will always attract the wrong kind of man.
Your personal joy will never be found with another human, it's already within yourself. You just have to work to bring it to the surface.
Alole, This guy has is not a man. What a very weak individual to end a relationship via text message. He took the easy way out, that's for sure. His actions show total disregard for your feelings. His action say " I do not care." Nothing you can do about that.
You can choose to pull it together, and stop contacting him. Everytime you call him, you are giving him ammunition. You are confirming (in his head) that you are some crazy, psycho. You are feeding his ego. I would pick myself up, brush myself off, and move on. He is not worthy of your time. You deserve better.
Not every relationship is a happily ever after success story. Consider this a small chapter in your rest of your life story. Focus on yourself, work on you, be the kind of woman that is confident, who knows who she is, raise the bar. Only you can show others how you expect to be treated. Needy, clingy women will always attract the wrong kind of man.
Your personal joy will never be found with another human, it's already within yourself. You just have to work to bring it to the surface.
Hon, I had a lovely BF, a 40 yr old man, walk away one day after making plans with me and my kids, and NEVER CAME BACK! He was 40! My husband, also at the age of 40, ended our marriage basically through a serious of emails. Some men simply can't handle ending a relationship in a respectful, considerate, mature fashion. Thing is, after a while, I could look back and see the immaturity during the relationship too. The same jealousy you describe. I didn't see it at the time, but it was definitely there.
Your BF has a lot of growing up to do, and as long as he is drinking, that won't happen.
So stand up, brush off your ego, call this one a learning lesson, and never look back.
~T
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Originally Posted by ZiggyB
I don't think you are crazy either, you are hurt and angry and it's a normal response to that type of situation. He is a coward and most likely was afraid of a confrontation. Did you ever read that book "He's just not that into you?" It doesn't even matter WHY he broke up with you, just that he doesn't want to be with you anymore.
My axbf and I had a horrible fight on the day we broke up, which is still very much in my mind. He was cruel, insulting and vindictive and used all of my insecurities against me, throwing them in my face. After I tried to break up with him he sent me a letter outlining my character flaws. I'm still angry about that 4 months later as it was very traumatizing. I think next time I would rather have the text! lol
On a serious note though, contacting someone who has said not to contact them, especially if they have threatened you with a restraining order, is something to pay attention to. I know it's difficult as I have done the same stupid **** myself trying to make sense of it all... for me it was 3 years and it has been an agonizing ordeal.
Hang in there!
My axbf and I had a horrible fight on the day we broke up, which is still very much in my mind. He was cruel, insulting and vindictive and used all of my insecurities against me, throwing them in my face. After I tried to break up with him he sent me a letter outlining my character flaws. I'm still angry about that 4 months later as it was very traumatizing. I think next time I would rather have the text! lol
On a serious note though, contacting someone who has said not to contact them, especially if they have threatened you with a restraining order, is something to pay attention to. I know it's difficult as I have done the same stupid **** myself trying to make sense of it all... for me it was 3 years and it has been an agonizing ordeal.
Hang in there!
He didn't say not to contact him, he just threatened me after I called. That was it. It isn't like he said stop calling me and then I just kept calling and then he threatened me.
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Originally Posted by marie1960
The following words I give to you as a mother of three daughters:
Alole, This guy has is not a man. What a very weak individual to end a relationship via text message. He took the easy way out, that's for sure. His actions show total disregard for your feelings. His action say " I do not care." Nothing you can do about that.
You can choose to pull it together, and stop contacting him. Everytime you call him, you are giving him ammunition. You are confirming (in his head) that you are some crazy, psycho. You are feeding his ego. I would pick myself up, brush myself off, and move on. He is not worthy of your time. You deserve better.
Not every relationship is a happily ever after success story. Consider this a small chapter in your rest of your life story. Focus on yourself, work on you, be the kind of woman that is confident, who knows who she is, raise the bar. Only you can show others how you expect to be treated. Needy, clingy women will always attract the wrong kind of man.
Your personal joy will never be found with another human, it's already within yourself. You just have to work to bring it to the surface.
Alole, This guy has is not a man. What a very weak individual to end a relationship via text message. He took the easy way out, that's for sure. His actions show total disregard for your feelings. His action say " I do not care." Nothing you can do about that.
You can choose to pull it together, and stop contacting him. Everytime you call him, you are giving him ammunition. You are confirming (in his head) that you are some crazy, psycho. You are feeding his ego. I would pick myself up, brush myself off, and move on. He is not worthy of your time. You deserve better.
Not every relationship is a happily ever after success story. Consider this a small chapter in your rest of your life story. Focus on yourself, work on you, be the kind of woman that is confident, who knows who she is, raise the bar. Only you can show others how you expect to be treated. Needy, clingy women will always attract the wrong kind of man.
Your personal joy will never be found with another human, it's already within yourself. You just have to work to bring it to the surface.
Generally I am not a clingy woman, I don't feel I was a clingy woman(compared to a lot of women) in my relationship. I think I am more mad at the way he chose to break up more than the actual break-up itself. It is just the way he chose to do it. I feel break ups are hard enough as it is, why make it worse? Especially when the person knows it would hurt the other person? Plus all of his excuses are through text and it makes me not believe any of them, I feel like in person it would just have felt more real and more over for me that is why it is so hard to get over. I would love to just snap my fingers and be over it, I want to be over it, I just don't think that is possible with me.
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I think I am a little crazy. Mentally I just feel like my right to act normal and go through a normal grieving process of the end of a relationship was stolen from me. I feel like breaking up through a text there is really no normal response(unless you actually cared about the person), you either pretend you don't care or you go angry(which I didn't even do until three weeks later, after I realized he truly was just going to run away from this like a little boy and not man up and at least give a sincere apology).
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So you didn't get to have the relationship end in a way that would be ideal for you. It happens. A lot! It doesn't make you crazy, it makes you human. And yes, you have a right to your anger. What you don't have a right to is berating him for not doing things the way you think they should be done.
This relationship wasn't stolen from you. It was ended without your consent. And that bites. I know. On top of that, it was ended very disrespectfully. That also bites. But nothing was stolen from you because it wasn't yours to begin with. We don't own other people.
You have choices here. You can choose to continue to lash out at him because you are angry and want him to hurt as he has hurt you. Or you can hold your head up high and walk away with dignity and grace and know that although it hurts now, he has done you a favor by allowing you to see this guy for who he truly is - a jerk.
This relationship wasn't stolen from you. It was ended without your consent. And that bites. I know. On top of that, it was ended very disrespectfully. That also bites. But nothing was stolen from you because it wasn't yours to begin with. We don't own other people.
You have choices here. You can choose to continue to lash out at him because you are angry and want him to hurt as he has hurt you. Or you can hold your head up high and walk away with dignity and grace and know that although it hurts now, he has done you a favor by allowing you to see this guy for who he truly is - a jerk.
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Originally Posted by Tuffgirl
So you didn't get to have the relationship end in a way that would be ideal for you. It happens. A lot! It doesn't make you crazy, it makes you human. And yes, you have a right to your anger. What you don't have a right to is berating him for not doing things the way you think they should be done.
This relationship wasn't stolen from you. It was ended without your consent. And that bites. I know. On top of that, it was ended very disrespectfully. That also bites. But nothing was stolen from you because it wasn't yours to begin with. We don't own other people.
You have choices here. You can choose to continue to lash out at him because you are angry and want him to hurt as he has hurt you. Or you can hold your head up high and walk away with dignity and grace and know that although it hurts now, he has done you a favor by allowing you to see this guy for who he truly is - a jerk.
This relationship wasn't stolen from you. It was ended without your consent. And that bites. I know. On top of that, it was ended very disrespectfully. That also bites. But nothing was stolen from you because it wasn't yours to begin with. We don't own other people.
You have choices here. You can choose to continue to lash out at him because you are angry and want him to hurt as he has hurt you. Or you can hold your head up high and walk away with dignity and grace and know that although it hurts now, he has done you a favor by allowing you to see this guy for who he truly is - a jerk.
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