eveval

Hi. I began to realize that I had no control over my drinking earlier this year, but felt completely powerless to stop.

It's awful when the booze takes over. I want it constantly, but I always do something self destructive and terrible once I am drunk. The guilt and shame plague me for days after.

I finally got a serious wake up call in August drinking all day at my boyfriends apartment and nearly killing myself by passing out during a bath. My boyfriend found me before I drowned myself but I became incredibly hysterical and was taken to a dual diagnosis ward at the closest hospital. I spent a week there detoxing, and left with a higher prescription for my antidepressants and also naltrexene.

Unfortunately my insurance didn't cover the outpatient follow-up care I was supposed to receive, but I thought I could do it on my own. The naltrexene helped and I spent six wonderful weeks completely sober. It felt so good.

In the middle of October I began drinking again. I was at a charity gala for my job where there was free wine. I am an incredibly introverted individual when sober and gregariously outgoing when drinking.

At first I thought I had it under control, but of course I spiraled. I stopped taking the naltrexene and began drinking more. At first I was honest with my boyfriend about it, but when he became concerned and suggested I try to find some support and treatment I just began to hide it from him. From everyone.

So this is it. Last night I became so incredibly drunk I smashed a glass bottle in my bathroom, considered harming myself, passed out with the lights on, and missed work. I was so hungover I even forgot to call out of work. I am pretty sure I am going to lose my job.

I am also terrified that I will lose my partner if this continues.

I desperately want to help myself, but I am not even sure where to begin. This forum is a start. Any support, help, advice right now would mean the world to me. I have so far avoided AA because I am not a spiritual person, if anyone has any experience with AA as a non-spiritual person I would love to hear about it.

Sorry for the novel.

Thank you thank you thank you.

primalscream01

Wow...that is ****** up...but I totally relate...never did AA...but thinking of it...just to meet sober people...I totally related to your drinking...I'm the same...i don't feel like I helped but I hope I did...

Windancer

This forum is a great start! Life does not have to be this way at all, eveval. Many on this forum are living proof of that. Id recommend putting in MORE support systems, making a plan that works for you (tweak as necessary), and if you stumble dont be too hard on yourself. Get up, dust yourself off, tweak the plan and carry on the road of recovery to a much better life.
Also, I remember being terrified of losing my bf because of my drinking. Well guess what. I did. So stop now before that happens, or worse!!!
Can you see a doctor to assist with withdrawal symptoms if necessary?

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

It's very humbling to look at the point where we know we need help, isn't it. I'm glad you found us and I hope you choose to make this your bottom and to move up from here. There is lots of support.

Thepatman

Eveval, welcome to SR! Yep, sometimes enough is enough and we decide to change. Good for you, you will not regret sobriety. It's so drama less. ;-)

sothisisit

Hi Eveval,

I'm sorry you are feeling so despondent Many of us here have been there and can tell you that your in the right place. I only started visiting this forum recently but its been a huge support during a difficult time for me.

You asked for a response from anyone who has experience with A.A. who is non-spiritual. Well I would be one of them. I would suggest that you focus your attention on the aspects that are valuable to you and the fact that there are many people just like you that are there rather than the things that aren't.

If you don't feel that will work, your being In Boston would suggest to me that there are alternative groups there to A.A. such as S.O.S. (I have a contact name there if your interested). Others here will be able to make suggestions as well.

Welcome here.

nogard

welcome Glad your with us, look around and see that there is always hope for us

eveval

Thank you so much for your input. How do I find an SOS group?

eveval

He is a strong motivator to stop this mess. He's incredibly supportive and caring which is why I am conflicted about telling him. On the one hand I want him to know I am struggling but on the other hand I have already put him through a lot.

Thepatman

Not sure. I'm doing AVRT. Post a specific thread if nobody answers

Dee74

hi eveval

you'll find a lot of recovery groups here including SOS:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

welcome to SR

D

Thepatman

Superman dee always there to swoop in ;-)
We are in good hands

kittycat3

Welcome!! What a brave post!

If your BF is a good one he should already know you are struggling! I bet he'd be pleased if you quit again! I would be too

eveval

He is a good one! I told him, and he was happy that I shared.

eveval

I am already feeling better and hopeful, I am very grateful for these forums and all the kind people here.

Windancer

My bf knew I was struggling too. And I dont blame him at all for leaving. I put him through the ringer. We still talk and are very close and many people think we are still together when they see us so maybe it will work out in the end...
Good luck! You can do it

Delilah1

I am glad he was so supportive. Your post was very brave, and it sounds like you are ready to do whatever is necessary. I agree with many of the other posts that the more supports you have in place the better off you are.

You will find lots of support in here. I spend a lot of time reading and posting, and it always helps.

Welcome!!!